This is soooo awkward.
Today is Friday (I think) and I'm just now answering comments from last Sunday's post on Shithouse rat, my personal blog. This happens a lot.
But really, does anyone remotely give a shit? (No, I'm not trolling for responses here.)
I hate to imply that anyone is going back and checking their comments there with bated breath for the "gems of wit and wisdom" (not) that are my replies. Even if this were remotely the case, I don't always check responses to my comments on other blogs anyway (or do I?). Many times I forget I commented at all, I get so confused. But then I wind up going back to be sure.
Here's my general routine, BTW, which may begin to explain "my so-called life" and why I don't have a real one, as well as my commenting insecurities.
Check my e-mail early and often throughout the day for comments to my latest post. (For some reason, I always log out and then have to do the password routine to get back in. I guess I like to work for it, and build up the suspense. Like a crack addict, I always want more and more, but don't feel like I've earned my reward without the password "ritual.")
Do miscellaneous blogging things, including trying to leave wise-ass, cynical comments on other people's blogs to prove I'm from New York.
Fall asleep on the couch around midnight watching "murder shows."
Wake up around 4 am with the TV blaring--courtesy of those late-night infomercials where they crank up the volume in the hopes of waking you up--or failing that, implanting a subliminal, irresistible urge to order a three-disc collection of the Sounds of the Seventies, or a set of forty ginsu knives.
Article comments
1 - Z.Z. Bachman
Here is a token comment :)
I can understand your frustrations...
--------------------------------------------------------------
ZZ Bachman / ZardozZ News & Satire Portal
Have a Blog? Ring Surf it @ ZZ OpenRing
2 - gonzo marx
waitaminnit...whores are supposed ta get paid!!!
i guess that just makes me a comment slut
fair enuff
Excelsior!
3 - Elvira Black
ZZ:
Hey, thanks!
Gonzo:
It's a harsh life; it's a cruel life; it's a slut's life.
Indeed.
4 - Andy Marsh
I get very few comments on my personal blog...I make tons on here...
wouldn't be the first time in my life I was called a whore!
5 - Elvira Black
OK Andy, I guess I'm gonna just have to go over there and leave a few comments for ya, you whore you!
6 - Christopher Rose
I presume by nappie you mean sleep as opposed to what we Brits would first think of..!
7 - Elvira Black
Christopher:
What a delightful surprise to see your comment on this old chestnut of a post. I thought for sure it was spam!
OK, that begs the question: what does nappie mean in Brit-speak? Something suitably whoreish?
8 - Christopher Rose
Alas nothing so glamorous as to be whoreish I'm afraid. See Nappy and apologies for any unsavoury images the definition may suggest!
9 - Elvira Black
Christopher:
Many thanks for the clarifying link on nappies--and the link from there that led to a Wikipedia entry on diaper fetishism. I learned more than I ever thought there was to know about the diaper lover's lifestyle--very diverting!
10 - Christopher Rose
So, are you still going for a nappie? lol
11 - SonnyD
Christopher: How in the heck did you manage to find an 18 month old article to comment on? Don't you have enough to do screwing up comment threads to keep you busy?
12 - Elvira Black
Now, now, SonnyD--play nice! Christopher was just helping this comment whore keep the comments flowing even on my oldies, and giving me inspiration for more articles.
Christopher: Wikipedia is a wonderful thing. I just, um, scratched the surface of the nappie world--plenty of links I didn't explore. See how you opened up a new universe to me? I --er--smell new article brewing!
13 - Christopher Rose
SonnyD, well, as the Comments Editor, naturally I see all the comments made on the entire site. Also, I just love chatting with Ms Black because she is one of the most interesting, charming and sane people on the site, as well as a good writer.
Elvira, I serve to live, but not in nappies! Maybe your bloke can help you out there? ;-)
14 - Elvira Black
Christopher:
You know I feel the same about you...too bad you can't see me blushing!
Neither of us have pondered going the nappy route, but since there seems to be a whole network of nappyphiles out there, might make for some interesting new friends. Can't be any worse than the folks I met in AA when I went along for the ride with BG for 14 months.
As a matter of fact, I do have a nappy story--BG used to hang out with a woman who drank so much when they got together that a few times she got to her apartment door and couldn't make the bathroom so she peed at her front doorstep. When she started wetting the bed at his place (they slept together sometimes but didn't "sleep together"--strictly drinking buddies and all)-- he actually bought a box of adult diapers for her to wear when she stayed over. He shitcanned her soon after in any case, but it does make for a delightful story and a good laugh..or cry, depending.
15 - sr
The great lady of song speaks out. Should we talk about your smoking or toilet paper. Sounds like BG should have invested in a cat litter box for is ex since she was such a pisser. Hell I drink much rum however I have never peed on my front doorstep. Thank God for Depends. I quit smoking 5 minute ago. Must go since Im out of smokes, rum, icecream and buttermilk. GOD BLESS.
sr
16 - SonnyD
Elvira: Yeah, I think Chris does a pretty good job. Don't tell him, though, we wouldn't want him to get a big head. It's just that he has deleted a couple of my comments with the excuse that it's to prevent confusion. So I give him a little poke once in a while when I don't have anything better to do.
I'm a fan of yours, too, even though I don't leave you any comments. Guess I just don't feel like I have anything intelligent to say at that moment.
17 - Elvira Black
sr:
So good to see you, my dear old friend. You always cheer me up!
As far as toilet paper, around here you really have to look for the sales so you don't get ripped off when you're ripping one off--a piece of toilet tissue, that is. Otherwise you're throwing good money down the proverbail toilet that you could be spending on other things--like cigs that cost about 8 bucks a pack now in good old NYC.
Don't know if you're a fan of Seinfeld, but there was a great episode where Elaine couldn't get the woman in the stall next to her to spare even a square.
As far as women and public toilets, don't even get me started. You'd be shocked at what pigs women can be behind closed stalls as far as peeing on the top of toilet seats is concerned. It's like they don't want to sully their hoohas but don't care what the next occupant has to go through. Well, what goes around comes around...
Geez, see what Christopher started with his nappy comment?
18 - Elvira Black
SonnyD:
Yes, Christopher is a gem...but sometimes he applies his own exqusite brand of DISCIPLINE, which is kinda sexy to women of a certain bent...
In any case, I'm really glad you commented, since you helped get this whole bizarre exchange going that has nothing to do with the post, but that's what I love about BC, among many other things. And comments don't have to be "intelligent" to be appreciated--look at the tenor of these toilet meanderings! So I hope you won't hesitate to put in your two cents in future if the spirit moves you.
I've been feeling a bit poorly lately, so it's so nice to get some comments even on old posts like this. Thanks guys!
19 - sr
Elvira, Christ said it best with comment #13. I concure. Sorry your feeling a bit poorly lately and pray things improve for you. BG please take good care of that lady of song. Now back to toilet paper. Was listing to Rush Limbaugh last week talking about Sheryl Crow and how she plans to save the environment where we should use one sheet of toilet paper for bathroom visits. This man calls in and gives Rush instructions on how do your business with one sheet. Rust heads to the restroom and comes back with one sheet of paper. The caller instructs Rush to make various folds with the paper. Rust tells him I now Im being snowed but he continues on. After doing the folds Rush is told to tear a small hole at the top and set it aside. Now open the paper and put your finger through the hole and do your business. Rush is told to wipe his finger with the paper. What do I do with the piece of toilet paper I set aside Rush inquires. Clean your finger nail of course. Makes sence to me.
$8 bucks for a pack of smokes in NYC. Holy nicotine batman. Told my wife if a roll of toilet paper ever cost $8 bucks Im wearing depends.
WISHING YOU AND BG A GREAT MEMORIAL DAY AND GOD BLESS OUR TROOPS.
20 - Elvira Black
sr:
Gee, wasn't it Cheryl Crow who used to sing "All I Wanna do is Have Some Fun?" That little routine with the toilet paper origami doesn't sound like much fun to me.
Yes, cigs are going up and up. I'm not really sure of the top price since it does vary and BG tries to find the two for ones, but mayor Mike is trying his best to make our city an all-American smoke-free zone. I can still smoke in the parks (I think) but who knows how long that will last. Thanks for your kind thoughts, my friend and I'm happy to see that you're the same cheerful loveable guy you always have been. Best to you and the missus!
21 - sr
Elvira, thanks for the correction. It's Cheryl Crow and not Sheryl Crow. My mistake. Thats why your Elvira so you can be around to correct sr. Great day to you Lady of Song and hope your feeling better. Your friend, sr
22 - Dr Dreadful
Christ said it best with comment #13.
Mr Rose, congratulations on your promotion to the coveted position of Messiah and Saviour of Mankind. Will SR be around to present you with the medal personally? I'll bring the nails.
23 - sr
Doc, I'll shall not be around to present Christ with is medal. Like I said Doc, your a funny guy. As for Mr. Rose I may make comments directed at him but the one thing I do remember is Mr. Rose helped me out on blogcritics a while back along with Jet. I dont forget those things. So put that in your pipe Doc and smoke it.
24 - Elvira Black
Dr. Dreadful and sr:
Considering Christopher isn't a...um...believer, I think he might pull a Marlon Brando and not accept the medal. But he does deserve an award for being the best comment editor and all around great guy!
25 - sr
Mr. Rose. This is your life. Because of Elvira I bestow upon you according to my kingdom of sr's bullshit, Knight of Blogcritics. Kneel Sir Knight. Tomorrow you will receive my kingdoms gold, silver, beautiful maidens and a roll of my finest toilet tissue engraved with naked pictures of fat Rosie. Rise Sir Knight and I give you permission to hunt pitbulls with me.