For the first few weeks of taking Alli, no side effects were observed, and then it was time to push the boundaries. If this medication blocked the absorption of dietary fats, why not add a cheeseburger, fries, barbeque spare ribs, potato salad, and almost any other fat-laden food that had long since been banished from my diet? For a few days, life was good, as I smacked my lips every night on my delight of choice; then on the morning of day four I felt the distinct pain of gas shortly after I awakened. As the gas passed, it felt moist, causing me to jump from the bed and dash to the bathroom to find that the gas passed was a large orange oily stain. Oh no.
I ran back to the bedroom and discovered the bedsheets soiled with a large orange stain. This accident did not stop me from continuing my feasting behaviors. All of the feasting left me bloated and tired and consequently my physical activity dwindled to nothing more than the steps required to walk to the kitchen, the car, the bedroom, and the bathroom.
Shortly after the great orange accident, I noticed that within minutes of each meal abdominal cramping occurred, causing me to run post-haste to the bathroom where my delightful meals evacuated my body in the form of explosive orange diarrhea with oil floating atop the water resembling an orange Exxon Valdez oil spill. This occurred following every meal no matter how large or small. I attempted to increase my intake of yogurt, fruits, and veggies to ease the gastrointestinal distress, to no avail.
Aside from the gastrointestinal distress, I felt that I was gaining weight and my clothes were becoming tighter. This led me to ask the question, how much dietary fat does Alli block from absorption? After a bit of research, I discovered that it blocks the absorption of only 20 to 30 percent of dietary fat. Much to my dismay, I had actually gained weight! This horrific revelation along with the gastrointestinal distress meant the end of the Alli diet and yet another dismal failure at wearing a teeny bikini.