Sex fiends, malodorous misfits, old timers with control issues, making amends to jerks - AA's enough to drive you to drink!
RELIGIOUS CULT OR PSYCHOPATH MAGNET?
I'm not an alcoholic, though I played one in the "rooms." Mind you, I used to throw 'em back with the best of them, but then I just became a craven pothead who can hardly ever even score any. My boyfriend Bowleg Guy (BG) and I went to AA for 14 months because he's got himself some drinking problems. The results are in, and they're not pretty. Here's four reasons we finally "just said no" to the fellowship without looking back:…
Article comments
26 - Elvira Black
Margaret:
Thank you for the reality check. Although I've gradually developed some regular readers via my persoal blog, the fact remains that BC gets about three times as many hits each day as I have amassed in 8 or 9 months of blogging.
This post was my very first one on Shithouse rat, and thus did not have many readers. In fact, I went out and "pimped" for the few readers I did get by visiting an anti-AA site.
Since I love to give and receive comments, it also made sense to me to take advantage of another forum which encourages and values comments, perhaps as much as the posts themselves.
27 - Elvira Black
Tim:
Many thanks--I'll check out the link you mentioned, and congrats on your novel as well.
Nancy:
One of the reasons BG eventually "went out" is because he really began to see AA as a religious cult. Every meeting concludes with the Serenity Prayer which includes the word G-d. Some meetings ended with the Lord's Prayer, which is specific to Christianity, and assumes that the Lord is male (Our Father...).
I also have trouble with the concept of being powerless over one's "disease." Some AAs explain their lapses and missteps by saying that "my disease was talking to me." I think the mindset that one cannot conquer an addiction save for a Higher Power takes some of the responsibility away from the individual.
Life is full of difficult struggles, and I believe that in most things we do, we get out what we put in. Those who are truly determined to stop drinking can--some with the help of AA, and some by other means, but always by owning up to their personal responsibility in the matter. I also do not think that drinking excuses one from immoral behavior.
28 - Elvira Black
Roller:
Frankly, it amazes me that someone who has read my entire blog would not recognize a new entry (or seven new entries) here. It also astounds me that you would never have posted one comment on either site until now, and that the one you did post seemed only an attempt to belittle and chastize me. I suspect that the only reason you are "apologizing" now is because others brought up the point that double posting at BC is perfectly acceptable.
However, if I am wrong in my assumptions, I apologize as well. I'm glad you enjoy my writing, but I also believe that comments are half the point of blogging, and I try to take sufficient time to comment to other's posts and respond to those on mine. I do plan to continue to post new pieces here as well--as many as I can muster.
29 - Elvira Black
BTW:
A BG/Elvira drinking horror story can be found here--though it was swiped from my own blog (lol)...
30 - gypsyman
Cheers Elvira for an honest assesment of one person's dealing with AA. The part of AA I never could get, and why I never partook, was surrendoring myself to a higher power.
That's what I had been doing for the twenty years of substance abuse, surendering myself to something else, why in the hell would I want to continue doing that? Great become addicted to god or whatever spiritual thing they were selling that day, instead of booze and drugs, no thanks.
Spirituality helps one overcome addiction if you like the comfort it can provide. But unless you're willing to own up to who you are, and stop surendering, your just trading one crutch for another.
I'm no saint or hero because I stopped abusing drugs and booze, it was something I had to do if I was ever wanted to deal with all the shit I was running away from. Nobody, be it a judge or court order or shrink is going to get you to sober up unless you want to...
I spent time in a halfway house where everybody but me was taking part in enforced AA meetings. It was amazing how many of them would show up pissed when they returned from day passes, or were smoking pot in the cans...
I've got nothing against AA or groups like that, but they are not the only choice. I hope BG can find the demons that drive him and face them down, it sounds like he wants too and knows they are there which is the bravest thing any person can do.
Don't let anybody tell him or you otherwise, we all have to move at our own pace, and going into those dark places inside of us is the scaries journey we have to make...good luck to both of you and hold on to your sense of humour, that serves you better than just about anything else.
gypsyman
31 - Elvira Black
Gypsyman:
Thanks for the terrific comment, which to my mind sums it all up beautifully--and from the point of view of someone who's been there, done that, and found his own way--as we all must, I think.
32 - Elvira Black
Note to Tim:
Heard the podcast; read the excerpt from "Half-Empty"--superb! I asked the powers that be to add your book to the other two displayed before the comments, which they have done--and I plan to buy it as well.
33 - batsmore03
Frankly I agree with you Elvira. Were we in the same meetings? When I went, the people were friendly at first but that didn't last long. I was having to travel 50 miles round trip from our home and they expected me to be there each meeting. I got a life other then spending my time there three to four times each week.Some of the people there were nasty smelling and just grossed my wife & I out. We at the time were trying to raise children and had to find sitters each time we went. We were not about to take them with us to the meetings. I worked as a carpenter and was always to tired to sit thru listening to people say the same thing nite after nite. We were expected to give money each night or we got some evil looks from the other members. Then there were those that wanted rides all the time-usually the smelly ones that acted like they were drunk at the meetings. It was not a good experience for us at all. It just wasn't for us. My wife stayed by my side thru the whole thing and I hated to put her thru that so I stopped going. I would leave the meetings and wanted to go get drunk just from having to go thru the mess. It might be good for others and thats great. If people can get together and talk to total strangers about their bad habits and it help them- thats great. Not for me though. I never went back but did stop on my on and still don't get drunk to this day. That was around 15 years ago. Now I'm working on stopping smoking but will not go to any type of support groups. That experience was my lesson on support groups-they are not for everyone. Specially not me. Even the on line chat rooms that are suppose to help people are ridiculous. They mostly talk crap and I won't go there for help anymore either. I have learned to help myself and have my best friend to support me- my wife.
34 - Elvira Black
batsmore03:
Were we at the same meetings? Hey, you never know--lol....congrats on being able to stop without AA--though many of its members would have one believe it's well-nigh impossible to do so.
That sucks that you had to go through so much and had to endure such a negative experience with creepy people. I'm assuming someone had mandated you to go, which I think very seldom works. Sounds like your wife has been a very postiive influence and support system for you. I'm so happy to hear it's worked out so well.
Ah yes, the smoking...I'm battling that too. Used to be the meeting rooms were as smoky as any bar, but now in NYC you can't light up in either place--just as well, though, right? LOL... Many thanks for your comment!
35 - Doc-Rods
Well as someone who is recovering thru AA/CA, I think some of you are commenting on something you know little about nor havw made any effort to overcoem your own prejudices to try and understand, but, what the hell, that's what the net is for eh?
Commenting about other people's personal failings- well, isn't that just pride, selfishness and arrogance? May a (higher power/God of your own understanding)bless you, if spouting bile makes you feel a little happier, fair enough, that's your way, but I'll stick with the fellowship.
Ps... GOD ! Fuck me I'll bet that word spooks the lot of you eh? lol
36 - Elvira Black
No rest for the weary...or the crazy...sigh...
Figures I'd come back on the i'net after 9 months off due to circumstances partly outta my control and the first thing I see is a comment from some troll who doesn't even know how to spell (I think he got "fuck me" right, but I think I'll pass on the thought (shudder)...
Yawn...haven't you got some recovery work to do? Like making amends to all the folks you undoubtedly messed up, fucked over, and (of course) harassed and annoyed?
Thanks for one more kick in the ass from cyberspace...where do I go to, ladies and gentlemen, to get one moment of respite?
Alright, I absolve you of your "sins" and bad spelling, grammar, syntax and manners...
Now say twelve serenity prayers and read the twelve steps (no, better yet, write them out) twelve times...you are forgiven, my child...I have communicated with Doctor Bob and Bill W themselves and they applaud you.
Hey, take the plank outta your own eye before you get into anyone else's program, aye?
Another AA Nazi? Sigh...don't quit yer day job (alright, I'll quit...sarcasm can be quite addictive when your life's been threatened a few times in the real (not virtual) world, but I digress...
37 - Elvira Black
Christopher, still comments editor? This fercockta PC (oh how I miss my Mac-he local public library doesn't even let me see if/when a comment has been published...just as passive agressive as every ex boyfriend I've ever had the displeasure to deal with....
Help! Damsel in distress (well, I've tried everything else; even my ex's are afraid to enter my lovely 24 hour gated community now...
As Bob D said back in the day, don't need a weatherman to tell which way the wind blows.
Blowing chunks, that is, and I ain't even hung over.
Boy, sure did miss you guys...including the last comment...how safe to have a battle of wits (and twits) in the virtual world. Safe 'n' cozy...
Wow, I need a drink (not an alcoholic, so don't even start)....or do...but may not get back online for another dog's age, depending...
But hey guy, seriously, thanks for the comic relief. A good straight man is hard to find...
38 - bliffle
Elvira,
Welcome back.
39 - Ruvy
Elvira,
My computer crashed a while ago, and I lost your e-mail address. If you are still on-line, go to my blogsite (at the URL), find my e-mail addy and give me a holler.
I've missed you.
Ruvy