A Text Messaging Re-Enactment Of The Maltese Falcon

Part of: Magical Hanukkahtime Section Variety Hour

The Magical Hanukkahtime Section Variety Hour is an eight-day festival of light reading. BC Magazine's sports editor spreads his Gentile love in every other section but his own. And because it's Hanukkah, the gifts of are substandard quality: in this case, it's an article. Today: BC Sci/Tech.

Text messaging has certainly revolutionized the way we communicate with one another, much in the way that laser discs forever changed the way we read electronic information today.

In fact, I'm such a fan of text messaging (as you can tell!) it's high time we modernize some of the classic films and give all the main characters RAZRs. In fact, I'm fairly certain the pivotal scene from The Maltese Falcon would have converted the film from an indisputable masterpiece to concentrated cinematic awesome:

From: SSPADE
To: EPERRINE
7:01 a.m.

hey bring me package plz?

From: EPERRINE
To: SSPADE
7:03 a.m.

k

From: EPERRINE
To: SSPADE
8:09 a.m.

(attachment: maltesefalcon.jpg)

From: SSPADE
To: EPERRINE
8:11 a.m.

perfect thx babe ;-)

From: SSPADE
To: KGUT
8:12 a.m.

just got this - look at it

(attachment: maltesefalcon.jpg)

From: CGUTMAN
To: SSPADE
8:14 a.m.

wtf i cant open it its a gd fake

From: SSPADE
To: BOSHAUGHNESSY
8:16 a.m.

what gives bitch

From: BOSHAUGHNESSY
To: SSPADE
8:17 a.m.

dunno i got it 2 open

From: JCAIRO
To: CGUTMAN
8:18 a.m.

u screwd up u fat idiot no 1der it was ez to steal :-@

From: CGUTMAN
To: JCAIRO
8:19 a.m.

wow chill hey wanna go 2 istanbul

From: JCAIRO
To: CGUTMAN
8:19 a.m.

dude

From: CGUTMAN
To: JCAIRO
8:20 a.m.

cmon the falcon is prolly there, itll be fun

From: JCAIRO
To: CGUTMAN
8:20 a.m.

fine, ttyl

From: CGUTMAN
To: SSPADE
8:22 a.m.

hey gimme my $ back

From: SSPADE
To: CGUTMAN
8:23 a.m.

no way, not my fault u couldnt open it

From: CGUTMAN
To: SSPADE
8:24 a.m.

GIVE IT BACK ASS

From: SSPADE
To: CGUTMAN
8:25 a.m.

fine but i keep 1000

(attachment: money.zip)

From: CGUTMAN
To: SSPADE
8:26 a.m.

omg fine hey wanna go w us

From: SSPADE
To: CGUTMAN
8:27 a.m.

hell no

From: CGUTMAN
To: SSPADE
8:27 a.m.

kbye

From: SSPADE
To: BOSHAUGHNESSY
8:29 a.m.

u kild my partner, wtf bitch

From: BOSHAUGHNESSY
To: SSPADE
8:30 a.m.

no I didn't! :-)

From: SSPADE
To: BOSHAUGHNESSY
8:31 a.m.

did 2

From: BOSHAUGHNESSY
To: SSPADE
8:32 a.m.

plz dnt turn me in

From: SSPADE
To: BOSHAUGHNESSY
8:33 a.m.

sry i gotta

From: BOSHAUGHNESSY
To: SSPADE
8:34 a.m.

u suck :-(

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Article Author: Matthew T. Sussman

Sussman is the founder and former editor of Blogcritics Sports. Twitter: @suss2hyphens

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Article comments

  • 1 - Mary K. Williams

    Dec 05, 2007 at 11:31 am

    nevr saw the movE, but thz wz fun anEwa. Gud wrk!

  • 2 - Gordon Hauptfleisch

    Dec 13, 2007 at 4:32 am

    As Sam Spade said elsewhere in the movie, "You're good. You're very good."
    Oh, and "You killed Miles and you're going over for it..."


  • 3 - Deano

    Dec 13, 2007 at 10:16 am

    ROTFL

  • 4 - sachin

    May 23, 2008 at 1:09 am

    Will try to watch that movie this weekend, seems interesting.

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