Remember back when the avian flu was going to kill us all? You know, back before that pesky swine flu took away its spot on the CNN headline roster? Well, someone decided to make a movie about the bird flu epidemic. Apparently they didn’t get the non-existent copyright to call it Bird Flu Horror, and instead chose the far less snappy Flu Bird Horror. That or a dyslexic wrote it.
Bird Flu H… err, Flu Bird Horror tells the side of the story you didn’t see on the nightly news. As it turns out, the mutated strain of bird flu started because of mysterious mutant birds in that forest where all Sci-Fi Channel movies are filmed.
As it turns out, a bunch of teenagers (who are actually in their 20s) are out camping with their guidance counselor in that very same forest. These kids are tough, from the streets, each carrying a checkered past because they’re currently in custody for their crimes.
How do you know this? Take for instance one of the females: the obvious boob job and “hardcore” red stripe in her hair. It screams, “I’m so cool and against society.” Not really, but you keep on truckin’. Then there’s the other kid with his hat turned backwards. He’s comic relief, and able to stay cool enough under intense assault from mutant birds by rapping, “Gotta represent, one-zero-one percent.” Word, mutha.
In a film loaded with classic dialogue like, “It’s the middle of the morning, dumb-butt,” what can you possibly expect? Director Leigh Scott, responsible for the epicness of mockbuster Transmorphers, doesn’t do much here either. Attacks by the unexplained mutant birds who inexplicably carry the mutated virus are dull and boring.
Why exactly these birds exist, why they’re only in this forest, why they have scales, and why they have an insatiable appetite for the token black guy who claims he hacked the Pentagon are questions that remain unanswered. The story leisurely details the forest survival against the CG/puppet monsters, and a hospital setting which is seemingly forgotten halfway through despite the flu outbreak inside.
Sluggish pacing, downtime, countless continuity errors, and repetitive dialogue are to be expected for a movie shot with something that can’t even be considered a budget, but Flu Bird Horror takes this to the extreme. Given the level of acting performed here, this is a painfully un-entertaining ride, all the way until the ending which has two birds being killed in an explosion… two birds of which the script claims takes care of the problem.
Two birds. In a hundred mile forest. Uh huh.
Maybe first time writers Brian D. Smith and Tony Daniel didn’t have time to think of a better solution to finish off these extravagant creations. Maybe they didn’t care. Then again, neither does the audience by that point, so maybe it was the right way to end it after all.Powered by Sidelines