In a shocking revelation, Bob and Mary Schindler announced today that they have been communicating with their daughter for years via mental telepathy. They also contend that Terri can telepathically levitate objects across the room, an ability also known as telekinesis. That power is less developed than her other skills.
“How can you kill a telepathic human being?” her mother asked. “Why won’t doctors tell everyone she can talk to us? She talks to us daily. Her voice echos in our heads.”
“Her favorite thing is the balloon,” Bob Schindler stated. “She floated it across the room and back. The whole time she was tellin’ us ‘Weeeeee’.”
Terri’s husband, Michael Schiavo, insists Terri can only telepathically groan, moan and make other random noises. He has also accused the Schindlers of using a string, or perhaps static electricity, to move Terri’s balloon around.
Hospice staff however, speaking anonymously, acknowledged that Schiavo has been “speaking” to them for years.
“She’s a total bitch,” said one nurse who would only give us the name “Betty.”
“She nags constantly and is very demanding. Plus, if you look in her in the eyes she’ll hypnotize you! She can make you do stuff! If I could get close enough without her taking over my brain, I would kill her myself.”
Another nurse, who wished to remain nameless, alleges Schiavo mentally forced the woman to touch her inappropriately on several occasions. She is considering filing suit in civil court. Both nurses alleged that Schiavo has been telepathically tormenting her husband for years with brutal and obscene tirades within “earshot of the whole staff.”
“It really is humiliating for him,” they said. “Who can blame him for wanting her to die?”
Specialists in telepathy, mind control and telekinesis have testified that the best way to defeat the psychic terror is to slowly starve and dehydrate her. One went so far as to suggest driving a stake through her heart once she appeared to expire.
Protesters outside of Schiavo’s room had mixed reactions.
“Dude, that is so freakin’ awesome. How could they kill her? You wouldn’t kill Professor X would you? It’s crazy!” said one man. An older woman carrying a large Bible thought the news over and decided maybe Terri Schiavo should be killed.
“She’s a witch. That’s a sin,” the woman said as she stooped to pick some stoning rocks.
[This article originally appeared at Tinfoil Hat Pundit]Powered by Sidelines