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Sayonara, Charlie … Angels Bid Adieu!

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Angels, your assignment is your swan song! Dreadful. Horrid. Gag. The adjectives can go on and on and on and on and still the nightmare remake of the iconic angels burn my eyes right out of their sockets. Let me not even go into how watching nine minutes of the premiere caused brain cavities. No offense to the bubbly Barrymore, but where on earth were you inhaling carbon emissions when you came up with this disastrous idea? Was it the village idiots commune outside of DC by any chance ? Drew, Gertie, girl, it sucked!

As an “old skool” Charlie’s Angels devotee, (Cheryl Ladd was and still is my girl), it was an epic train wreck. Crash! Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough of a pulse to keep me (or anyone else) hooked.

The movie versions (puke) were one thing, but really these chicks were trying way, way, way too hard. I believe that was one of the (many) reasons they were tossed out of the sky. There is no way on earth (or celestial locale) these faces were able to strike a match (even if said match was lit from an inferno) to the iconic legends from the Spelling/Goldberg production company phenomenon.

Check this out, Hollywood. We are much smarter than you want us to be. Hard to digest, I know, but a pretty puss and shapely figure can only go so far; intelligence and talent is the formula to blockbusting ratings. After all, why stare at a picture when it can come to life in 3D. Well, duh, huh?

The original television series Charlie’s Angels was created by Ivan Goff and Ben Roberts, and produced by Aaron Spelling and Leonard Goldberg. In pre-production, the original proposed title for the show was The Alley Cats. Kate Jackson (Sabrina) wasn’t thrilled by the name of the show and mentioned to producers that the leads should be called “angels” instead of “alley cats.” Jackson then came up with the idea that the identity of their boss should remain a mystery, both to the characters and the viewers, and that they should receive their cases over a speakerphone or squawk box. Producers incorporated these ideas into the show… and the rest, as they say, is history.

Former General Hospital member Annie IIonzeh is definitely the stellar standout, but Rachael Taylor is the hidden jewel. As for sleeping pill, Minka Kelly, now that the lights have gone out, it is the perfect time for her to recharge and concentrate on becoming a baseball wife… that is, if career playboy Jeter wants to start a family and get on bended knee.

Memo to Tinsel Town: Get off your lazy arses and E.N.T.E.R.T.A.I.N with creativity, punch and visionary pyrotechnics… or else we will all fall into the reality comas some have already been fated to – Jersey (Bore) Shore ring a bell.

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About Diane Morasco

  • L Miro

    I almost choked on my coffee. You have a knack for comedy. Great story.

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