In a stunning development, the Justice Department has arrested Senator Barack Obama and charged him with treason. I. M. Amoron, a spokesman for the Bush administration, explained that by not wearing an American flag pin on his lapel, the senator and presidential candidate had violated a little-known provision of the PATRIOT Act which requires all Americans to wear the pin whenever they appear in public.
"We've been a little lax in enforcing the law in this regard, but when a U.S. Senator decides he is above the law, we have to make an example of him. We will, from this point forward, become more stringent in enforcing the law across the board," Amoron was quoted as saying.
As a public service, Amoron has published the following photograph, which demonstrates the proper way to wear the flag pin.
"Americans may think that this is an overreaction," Amoron said, "but if American citizens don't display their flag, how can we be sure that they are loyal Americans? As far as we in the Bush administration are concerned, if you don't display the flag, you are probably a terrorist sympathizer, and not to be trusted. If we have to build additional jail cells in Gitmo to hold all the anti-flag Americans, we'll do it. The fate of the nation hangs in the balance."
Amoron continued, "There is one final requirement. All Americans above the age of 13 must have a small American flag tattooed onto their body. The placement of the tattoo is up to each person, but it must be in a location that is visible at all times. We feel that these steps are for the good of the nation and will help us to win the War on Terror."
When asked what the penalty is for violating the new flag laws, Amoron stated, "You don't want to know. Just suffice it to say that the Bush Administration does NOT torture. Really. We don't.