Home / Satire: Pervez Musharraf – The 100 Percent Superstar

Satire: Pervez Musharraf – The 100 Percent Superstar

Please Share...Print this pageTweet about this on TwitterShare on Facebook0Share on Google+0Pin on Pinterest0Share on Tumblr0Share on StumbleUpon0Share on Reddit0Email this to someone

Secular, intelligent, brave, and a born survivor, Pakistan’s President-General Pervez Musharraf stands out as the most charismatic of world leaders. Unlike other boring heads-of-state, Mr. Musharraf is incisive, exact and fond of analyzing matters-of-concern down to their last percentage figures. A relook at some of the statements made by the General will make it clearer.

On allegations of support for Taliban (2004)
… only 44 percent of the action that takes place in Afghanistan takes place in the 50-mile belt, and 56 percent takes place beyond 50 miles. So if all the operations within the 50-mile belt are taking place from Pakistan, only 44 percent is taking place.

On his belief that Daniel Pearl is alive (2002)
I can't be 100 percent sure of it.

On having no knowledge of Dr. AQ Khan's nuclear technology proliferation (2004)
Yes, 200 percent. Yes, absolutely.

On Dr. Khan's network (2004)
I'm 200 percent sure that it has been shut down.

On Pakistan Army's support to his Kashmir peace initiative (2006)
200 percent…… 1,000 per cent.

On his control in Pakistan (2006)
Absolutely. Is there any doubt? 200 percent. That is the way it is.

On the possibility of India-Pak war (2003)
…impossible. Two hundred percent, there won't be war.

On Kashmir quake (2005)

I don't feel 100 percent confident when I say that the casualty figures have risen to 48,000.

On Osama bin Laden's Mission 9/11 (2002)
I am 200 percent sure that he didn't have the capacity to plan such an action.

On false British allegations that Pakistan's intelligence services support terrorism (2006)
Absolutely, 200 percent, I reject it.

On the certainity of Mullah Omar having a hideout in Afghanistan, not Pakistan (2007)
500 percent sure.

On the death rumors of al Qaeda operations Chief Abu Hamza Rabia (2005)
Yes, indeed, 200 percent confirmed.

On nuclear co-operation with North Korea (2003)
I give a 400 percent guarantee that there has been no cooperation with anyone in the world, (let alone) North Korea.

On destroying al Qaida sanctuaries and communication systems (2005)
I'm not saying we have achieved a 100 percent success, but this is definitely a success in the war against terrorism.

On his confidence if he would get Zawahiri and bin Laden before they get him (2003)
I can't be 100 percent sure.

End piece

The percentage of those who voted in the 2002 referendum in favour of Mr. Musharraf for another five-year term of presidency – 98%!

Powered by

About Mayank Austen Soofi

  • Irfan Husain

    I’m 125% sure this is the funniest thing on Musharraf that I have read!

  • moonraven

    He’s a sonofabitch–but he is the US government’s sonofabitch, therefore he will continue in power.

  • Moonraven – are you calling America a bitch?