Home / Satire: Obama’s State of the Nation Address — Go Obama!

Satire: Obama’s State of the Nation Address — Go Obama!

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We all know that we are in a mess that will take until 2018 to resolve. We have issues that are so overwhelming we just think that if we hold our breath and Obama throws his magic bullets against the wall that one will stick and make it all better for us in 18 mos. Guess that is as long as anyone can hold on. No mystery there.

We are all thrilled that Obama did such a great job outlining his intentions and putting specific timelines into his action plan, a fresh approach to problem solving. The question is can he do it and did he connect the cause-and-effect dots? Quite frankly he has done more in 40 days than we ever expected from George in the last 4yrs. so if he does nothing but give us motivational tapes, that's more productive than before. The Prez. is positive and forward thinking, despite the political roadblocks he continually faced these past weeks from the Republicans who had no better ideas and no possible political gain either, but as embittered as they are, they just couldn't help themselves. Like the black knight in Monty Python's, "The Holy Grail", still fighting with an arm and a stub of a body left. Their main claim was that Obama has been too negative about the economy. In case you guys didn't get the memo-and seems like George didn't either-WE ARE IN A CRISIS. What do the Republicans expect this President do or say after this past cracker-jack legacy?

Do they expect the Obama administration to lie to us, like George, continue to disrespect us and say that we do not know what we are seeing, that everything is great and our economy is 'thriving' when we are spiraling into oblivian after a 'job well done' by his A-team/Axis of Evil'? The rational thinking coming in from the Republican right, after all that has been said and not said, done and not done in these past 8 yrs., they are as rational as a hooker on crack. On a good day, their most recent GOP leader nominees have been comical, out of touch, completely hypocritical and delusional.

No mystery there, either.

There are other unsolved mysteries that came to mind after we watched and listened.

Why does The Prez. say that he will have All the troops out of Iraq within 16 mos. but still leave 50,000 troops there? That is not 'leaving Iraq'. They want us out. We should be out and never have gone there in the first place. They have more money than we do to help themselves, so…? Why are we keeping our troops hanging around there and not focused on Afghanistan where we should have gone years ago? To ensure our oil futures? What is the real motivation?

How will all of Obama's grandiose efforts to remove earmarks and unnecessary spending, create jobs in solar energy, bolster infrastructure maintenance, add funding to education and healthcare and to also apply Joe's 'ground-control-neighborhood-watchdog-team' to eliminate fraud and corruption ever be able to ever ever ever begin to pay off the 10 trillion dollar debt we will have by end of this year without laying massive debt on future generations? Are we so deep in trouble that our ballooned deficit is not even a factor to consider to resolve? Why even mention reducing our debt? It makes no sense. Something keeps coming to mind…Fall of the Roman Empire.

We are so far in debt, our dollar is not worth the paper its printed on and it is not ours to save anyway. I suggest we go back to our global community whom we have bailed out time and again and ask them to return the favor and cancel our current debt with them or just send cash. There are many that come to mind. Russia, Isreal…

Obama's promise to give tax credits to parents sending kids to school is crucial because it is all about re-figuring checks and balances. If parents can't pay their kid's tuition, kids are left with a loan that will haunt them them forever. The rich need to finally pony up some cash and contribute to those who have helped get them there.

Regardless of where or who it comes from, Obama's team must allocate the funding across all sectors and to the proper organizations without lobbyist pressure. We all need help so lobbyists, get in line. Severely damaged markets and sectors will create wind-tunnel-sized-gaps in the economy if we do not infuse them with job opportunities/money. Entire industires disappearing would be catastrophic. Like retail, The Arts, middle management are just to name a few.

I am still not convinced that giving more funds to banks and the auto giants will save/create jobs when auto workers got laid off the day the CFO got the checks. Is this 'hanging on to American tradition' just an ego trip? I am no economist and certainly not a mathematician but it seems to me that to produce loans and cars again, people in the middle class need to be working and making at least 50Gs to buy these American-priced cars and take out these leveraged loans. These jobs are all found in middle management at our friendly starbucks, retail stores, banks, corporate america, salons and spas and not at construction sites or auto dealers. Also, the mom and pop shops you see marking their territory across every strip center from here to Dayton need to stay alive to bring jobs to small town USA.

How will these lost jobs be replaced? There are hundreds of thousands of jobs cut in the auto industry despite our bailout money. Where do the unemployed auto workers work who used to work at a factory which is now producing American-made cars with our bailout money? Where do they go? Into rail construction and maintenance? Maybe. Regardless, if we currently have appropriate placement or not, if, on average, people do not earn $50,000+, we have no stimulus. Individuals need that much just to recover- forget moving on into the esteemed Limbaugh's "Special Indy Repub. Club". No one will go out and buy cars or a house if they are out of work or about to lose their jobs. No jobs and you cannot get loans. I wonder if we will get a 40% off tax-exempt car coupon glittered with fairy dust too?

We think his ideas are great! A forward focus on:
– new clean coal (what is clean coal anyway?)
– solar production and conversion
– producing cars back in US (will we be able to afford them now?)
– infrastructure construction and mainentance
– education and healthcare jobs ( IT specific)

That will take care of 1/2 of us on this sinking ship but what do ya have for most of my friends who are your target consumers, who are in upper and middle management climbing the proverbial corporate latter, designers, sales reps., musicians and artists in creative and performing arts, lawyers and retail mongrels?

What will we do? Half of my friends wouldn't know a jackhammer from a screw driver; are as computer illiterate as I am and maybe took Biology in high school so the famous eco-science-and-building-conversion fix is out of the question. IT is defintely not an option and most of us are creative heads so we can make these millenium solar bubbles look fabulous once you are finished! Think we're missing a couple sectors. What is the magical national re-org program that can employ our creative heads, fashionistas and corporate strap hangers?

Why can't the GOP find anyone in the Republican party to represent them? We know many Republicans who are more equipped to govern their co-op board than the candidates they have nominated to follow George's legacy. Bring back Newt, at least he's smart, crazy, head-up- his-a$# and insane, but smart. The current GOP noominees do not fit the profile of the Republican party. Who are voting these candidates in? How'd they get Jindal, anyway? Did they pull him out of his office on Bourbon St. and say, "Hey Jindal you're next. You're Indian, young and have a pretty smile. The most hysterical irony is that when conservatives speak, they speak to the far-right 10% of Republican good 'ol boys from Texas. Those boys are not going for the young, female or person of color prototype that makes their party look like a Felini cast. Remember, they were appalled and embarrassed by Palin's incompetency even though they probably just wanted to pinch her cheeks. Now that the words that came from Jindal's mouth were so preposterous, who knows what their coveted 10% think now. Wonder if they just wanted to spank him?

BTW, where are your suggested candidates, Limbaugh? His speech at the CRC award's rock-n-roll gala was like an acid trip that kept repeating itself. He seems to know everything about everything rhetorical. Would love to know what brilliant ideas he has and where he's hiding his pool of awesome Republican-freedom-fighters-but-take-your-tax-breaks candidates who are perfectly primed and prepared for their 'Don't take from government' mantra. Limbaugh-don't get me started…

Jindal claims that he is proud to enrich his citizens with independence and not extend unemployment benefits or healthcare/Cobra to the people of Louisiana. He claims it is irresponsible and not the govt's. responsibility to enable them when they can help themselves. He said that his citizens need to enable themselves and not look to the government since it has been known to fail with Katrina.

OK, Howdy Doody, that is great in Alice and Wonderland but if you do not have jobs for them ready and waiting then please tell us where they are going to work? How can they survive without a job, especially when most of them are still living in your leader's delapidated FEMA trailors/mold traps trying to recover from your Katrina disaster. Another Republican disaster that should have not happened had you guys put your hard-earned Mardis Gras cash to good work and fix the dam and levy when it needed it 15 years ago.

That brings me to Jindal's comment that the national government's role in Katrina is an example why you should not trust our US government to handle your life. Jindal is either hypocritical or just stupid. It was his fearless party that was in control of the government at the time of Katrina that he is talking about. Should we not trust you with your big smile? or Republicans? Your citizens would be better off playing Texas hold 'em with tarot cards than to trust you at the helm.

The best mystery of all. Why does anyone want to pay top dollar to hear George speak when he had nothing to say for 8 years?? Have we all lost our minds? Is the world on tilt? George is getting his 'ol coffers back and has been booked to do 12, hi-paid speaking engagements in 10 cities. Good for him. What will he say? "Well, I guess my team and I screwed up our economy, foreign relations, housing and employment for years to come. So what?. We still believe in America.".

Anyone want to explain these little mysteries of man and politics?

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  • “Have we all lost our minds? Is the world on tilt?”

    Uh, DUH…

    Excellent rant, I laughed, I cried. But the entire answer to your piece is the same answer to those two questions.