WASHINGTON — An analysis of recent public opinion polling indicates that President Obama could be in for a very tough reelection fight. A much-discussed Gallup poll from July showed Obama losing to a generic Republican by eight percentage points. Another poll from that month showed former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney with a slight lead over the president. But the latest news is perhaps the worst yet for the White House: a new poll released today shows President Obama losing to a generic Creeper by a 48-45 margin.
The survey was conducted by the respected Dewey Unlimited Polling Enterprises opinion research firm. It finds President Obama trailing a generic Creeper in such key demographic groups as adults without a college degree, married women, and transgender Buddhists who walk with a limp.
The poll included a number of other potential election matchups. President Obama is locked in a dead heat with Texas Congressman Ron Paul, while he narrowly loses to a generic Pashtun Migrant. The president leads Texas Governor Rick Perry by two points and a generic Syphilitic by three. All are within the poll’s margin of error. (Complete results below.)
The poll paints a worrying picture for some GOP hopefuls as well. Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann and former House speaker Newt Gingrich are in a statistical tie with a generic Scientologist. Businessman Herman Cain is trailing a generic Lot Lizard by a percentage point. And former Alaska governor Sarah Palin, who has not formally declared her intention to run for president, is polling behind a generic Spree Killer.
Harvey Wireman, a political science professor from Miskatonic University, says he was somewhat surprised by the findings. “I knew the president’s popularity had taken a beating because of the weak economy, but I was unaware that the American people were ready to replace him with a menacing figure who lurks around parks at night.” “This is evidence,” said Wireman, “that the president really needs to rally his base ahead of the next election. Or else he could go for a ‘fusion ticket’ and replace Joe Biden with a convicted sex offender.”
Professor Wireman also had some words of caution for potential GOP hopeful Palin. “When you are a former major party vice presidential candidate and you find yourself polling worse than psychotic mass murderers and, if I understand the term correctly, meth-addicted truck stop prostitutes, you’ve got something of an image problem.”