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Satire: Mitt Romney’s Cure for Masturbation

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Okay, it's not exactly Mitt Romney's cure, but if the headline were to read "Mark E. Peterson's Cure for Masturbation," it just wouldn't have the same snap to it. However, the document soon to be under discussion was written by the late Mr. Peterson, who was a member of the Mormon church's important-sounding "Council of the 12 Apostles," and I believe that Mitt Romney, being the good Mormon that he is, would roundly endorse the conclusions of said document.

The document in question was written in 1972 and is titled Steps in Overcoming Masturbation. It is apparently the position of the Mormon church that masturbation is a bad thing, a disease that can and must be cured. This document is the key to that cure.

Now to be fair, the Mormon church is probably not that much different than other religions, most of which decree that if something feels good, it's immoral. If you're having way too much fun, more than likely you're sinning.

So here is what Mr. Peterson demands of masturbating Mormons, along with my insightful running commentary:

1) "Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes."

Fair enough. I would go even further and say that you should stay away from those intimate body parts even during normal toilet processes (just to be safe).

2) "If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness."

"Sorry, Bob, I can't be your friend anymore. I know we've been friends for 20 years, but damn it, you're a masturbator. I can't risk my immortal soul by hangin' with you. So take a hike."

3) "When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror."

I know what Mark means. When I look at my naked self in the mirror, I can't help but get turned on by my balding head and pot belly.

4) "When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes."

Finally, some practical advice! I'm thinking a giant rabbit costume would be perfect.

5) "In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called aversion therapy…For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act."

That wouldn't work for me. I kinda like worms. A tub full of Republicans might do the trick, though.

6) "In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken."

That sounds just a tad too kinky to be very effective.

7) "Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that will tend to keep [it] in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith, pray for understanding of the Scriptures, pray for the Missionaries."

But don't pray for the missionary position.

8) "Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you overcome or reach a goal. Spend it on something which delights you."

Perhaps a delightful porno movie…

So that's about it. Actually, there's much more, but I'll let you explore the document further on your own. I hope those of you afflicted with this disease have found this helpful.  

I'd like to stick around, but I have to go masturbate.

(This particular dissertation was inspired by my discussion of the topic on my Planet Japan podcast: Episode 125–"Monster Moms on a Rampage." Listen at your own risk.)

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About Doug DeLong

  • Mike

    Your website says “Personal Attacks Are NOT allowed” but then you try to link Mitt Romney to a talk that has absolutely nothing to do with him whatsoever. My goodness some people are desperate to be heard.

  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    “Your website says “Personal Attacks Are NOT allowed””

    Pertains to comments, and to one another.

    “you try to link Mitt Romney to a talk that has absolutely nothing to do with him whatsoever”

    Satire!

  • http://planetjapan.org Doug DeLong

    Oh Mikey, Mikey….relax, I’m not attacking Mitt Romney. But when I came across such a ridiculous document, just begging to be mocked, I couldn’t help myself. I’m sure Mitt Romney’s position on masturbation is very enlightened.

  • Marci K

    Masturbation is the “beginning” step to all sexual deviation/addiction. It spurs in a person selfishness.. especially in a marriage relationship. Although considered “normal” physiologically, etc. it is considered by Mormons and many other religions to be a sin which can lead to “spiritual” destruction. The basis of this instruction is to help those who do believe in the same way, that it is a difficult habit to break, and is worth the effort to resist. I imagine that all people who molest children, rape, and participate in other sexual deviations begin with masturbation. Along with any other addiction, it eventually takes more and more stimulation to achieve the “high” craved, thus leading down the break off paths of sexual addiction. Mormons are teaching that to avoid any such addiction and subsequently more dangerous situations, stop at the beginning. You certainly don’t have to believe in it, but “mocking” it seems to teach more about the author of the blog rather than the “ridiculous document”.

  • Mitt Romney

    What????? Masturbation is bad? Whoops! Guess I gotta change my views on that now too.

    Thanks for informing me of my opinion.

  • http://www.alharper.com A.L. Harper

    Marci, I think you need a good wank.

    I grew up a Mormon in Salt Lake City and they are one very uptight group of people.

    I think this article was hilarious Doug. Now I’m going to go and have a wank in your honour.

  • http://planetjapan.org Doug DeLong

    Marci said: I imagine that all people who molest children, rape, and participate in other sexual deviations begin with masturbation.

    And every alcoholic probably began by drinking milk. Does that mean that if you drink milk, you’re going to become an alcoholic? Personally, I believe that child molesters and rapists are more likely to come from the ranks of the sexually repressed than from the ranks of the sexually liberated.

  • INTJ Mom

    I grew up Mormon as well. Marci is just regurgitating what all good little brainwashed morgbots are taught in church, along with the whole never question what the church leaders tell you and “when the prophet speaks, the thinking has been done”. I feel more sorry for her than anything else.

  • Wouldn’t you like to know?

    Got to love people like you. You have no idea of how destructive masturbation can be. Well I do. For years I masturbated upwards of five times a day, my whole day revolved around that one act and nothing more. I started at three years old and now at 38 I am beginning to get it under control. I attend meetings with men who also suffer from this problem though most of them are surprised to hear a woman can be addicted, even worse than them in this area. Men think they have some kind monopoly on compulsive masturbation-well they don’t. Once I started down that road and then I needed more, so it was time to move on to boys after all I needed the real thing. When boys and men weren’t enough it was time to move onto women, though lucky for me that never worked out but not for the lack of trying on my part. As my sex addiction picked up so did my masturbation. Until you have been in my shoes don’t make light of masturbation. Until you have found yourself consumed by it, along with anonymous sex with random strangers. Until you have been obsessed with doing more dangerous and outrageous things, until your life has been ruled by this, don’t you dare sit there and make a mockery out of something you could never understand!

  • http://planetjapan.org Doug DeLong

    don’t you dare sit there and make a mockery out of something you could never understand!

    Oh, okay. Sorry. My bad. I don’t know what came over me.

    By the way, I don’t suppose you’d care to send me your phone number? No? Okay. I understand.

  • http://planetjapan.org Doug DeLong

    Dear “Wouldn’t you like to know?”…

    I apologize if my previous reply to your post was a bit flip, but honestly, I wasn’t sure if you were putting me on or not.

    My article was not meant to mock anyone with a genuine sex addiction, nor was it meant to mock Mormons. The object of my mockery was one incredibly outlandish document from someone dispensing advice that I believe most people would find just plain silly.

    I do wonder, though, about people who see masturbation as a sin or as something other than a natural human expression. Show me someone who’s never masturbated and I’ll show you someone who’s probably not much fun at parties.

  • melinda

    Then you have never been to one of my parties! Life doesn’t need to be filled with sex addictions, drugs or alchol to be fun. Grow up!!

  • http://planetjapan.org Doug DeLong

    >Grow up!!

    I’ll grow up if you’ll lighten up.

    This is what happens when people don’t masturbate. They lose their sense of humor.

  • jack

    Funny shit. for what it’s worth, Mark E Peterson also said that in 40 years of marriage he’d never seen his wife naked. Poor man. I’d find the link but then all the crazy closet wanking mormons would label me an “anti-mormon” (GASP!). Funny SATIRICAL piece, Mr. Delong, keep ’em cumming… er… coming.

  • Steve

    Doug,

    You really had to dig to find this one didn’t you? Finding an article on a anti-Mormon website and applying it to Mitt Romney’s position on the matter is very disgracefull and dishonest. This article is not “official” Mormon doctrine, and can’t be found on any other source other than Anti-Mormon websites. Maybe you should check on some of the morals of your candidates, and tell the world how much they would be better examples than Mitt? Let’s see HillBill had the Monica Lewinski scandal, Barack is pro-abortion uptil actual birth, McCain’s (RINO) tossed out his first wife because she was a political drawback. Mitt’s been married for 38 yrs. to the same women, and has 5 sons. Which do you think has a higher moral standard?

  • http://planetjapan.org Doug DeLong

    Steve said: Mitt’s been married for 38 yrs. to the same women, and has 5 sons. Which do you think has a higher moral standard?

    Well, obviously Mitt is the most moral man in the universe. And such a good dresser, too.

  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    “Mitt’s been married for 38 yrs. to the same women

    Best typo of the day.

  • http://www.republicofdave.com Dave Nalle

    Marci. I say this in all seriousness. You ought to seek some psychological counseling. Your earlier comment is quite disturbing. If your beliefs result from your Mormon upbringing you might want to look into group therapy for cult survivors.

    Dave

  • http://handyfilm.blogspot.com/ handyguy

    Great find, Doug. Funniest article of the decade so far!

    That some commenters are taking it so seriously…well, boggles the mind. And my mind has been boggled enough for one day, what with Giuliani and Edwards dropping out and all. So good night.

  • REMF

    Steve –
    Three words: “Mountain Meadows Massacre”

  • REMF

    Wouldn’t you like to know –
    Will you marry me?

  • http://www.joel-junior.com Joel

    “Mitt’s been married for 38 yrs. to the same women”

    Wow! This could lead to another great post!

  • Carlton

    Mark Peterson was a barrel of laughs. Put this in the Googles and see what you get:

    “MARK E. PETERSON. Race Problems — As They Affect The Church”

  • ostrova

    Mountain Meadows Massacre, of course. And the Mormon missionaries in my neighborhood are overjoyed when I remind them about Sonia Johnson. The Church excommunicated her for backing the Equal Rights Amendment. This was a mother of four who played the organ at services, who came from generations of true believers wearing funny underwear. She wrote a book about it, “From Housewife to Heretic”. Utah has the highest rate of depression among women in the country. HHMMMM. Also, you might ask the Mittster why it took till the late 1970s for the Latter-Day Saints to raise blacks to equal status. OK, back to the jokes about playing with yourself, and from the size of the Osmond family I think more of it might not be such a bad idea.

  • The Iceman

    I think it’s hilarious how something given to us from birth, that helps us REPRODUCE and actually PREVENT PROSTATE CANCER is labeled by the controlling morgbots as destructive and a precursor to rape. Can’t help but think in my mind: “Wow. Somebody has been brainwashed by their parents.”

    Seriously. I wonder why God saw it fit to reward those who masturbate by giving them less likelyhood of prostate cancer. Interesting, huh?

    And because there are likely a few LDS reading the internet now that they’re not as afraid of it anymore: lose the “anti-mormon” tripe you’re always going on about to scare your members in order to keep a closed mind. I went to BYU a few years ago, and it was hilarious. The truth does not fear investigation.

  • dMEN

    I had a good laugh from this post until I started to read all those fanatic comments. Planet Japan is great stuff!

  • Wendy

    Somebody needs to get a since of humor.

  • MIKE

    LMAO

  • Billy

    Lighten up people. This is a joke.

  • Zack Williams

    Yeah, this is pretty damn funny.

    An intersting tid-bit for anyone interested in the Mormon religion. It was the angel Moroni that visited Joseph Smith, and bequeathed the magical golden plates that the whole religion is based on.

    Get it: Moron-I… I’m not making this shit up , people. I don’t even think somebody could make it up… unless you’re name was Joseph Smith

  • Night Rider

    Doug:
    1. That was a different time and Peterson was from a long gone generation. I think that generation understood him. It probably would not be written today or it would have been written so your generation could relate.

    2. If what Steve says is true that you got that off an anti-Mormon site, that’s not good. You can’t trust it. Some of the stuff does not seem right. I don’t think it would be totally beyond Peterson to write something like that. That is a serious accusation that Steve has loged. You must respond and verify that he really wrote it. You have been challenged. Go for it. Knock yourself out.

    3. Everyone likes a good joke. You may not know this but before there legally blonde jokes there were Polok jokes. It is not politically correct to tell Polak jokes or black jokes or Jewish jokes anymore. Why are the Mormons afforded no protection? Can’t you say something funny about Ellen White and the Adventists?

    4. I’m glad Romney dropped out. His candidacy is what motivated you. (You sound like a Democrat because of your remark about Republicans)Your post is mild compared to what we would have seen.

    5. Mormon leaders have a lower incidence of all cancers except prostate cancer. Could that be because they are the only men not doing it? I guess everyone else is doing it.

    6. Marijuana and masturbation are similar. They are both harmless except for the obvious lung problems with marijuana. If you do either one in excess you become very nonproductive and underachieve. Could that be what Peterson was trying to explain. Romney overachieved so I guess he is not doing it.

  • http://planetjapan.org Doug DeLong

    Night Rider:

    You must respond and verify that he really wrote it. You have been challenged. Go for it. Knock yourself out.

    The document is in a lot of different places on the web. I’ve seen it on anti-Mormon sites, but I’ve also seen it on pro-religious sites like Light Planet. I’ve seen messages from Mormons who remember seeing the document in their training manuals. I have seen NO evidence that it’s a forgery of any kind. But hey, that’s what THE GOOGLE is for. Check it out for yourself.

    Why are the Mormons afforded no protection [from jokes]?

    As I’ve said before, I don’t see my article as making fun of Mormons. It’s mocking what I consider to be a pretty silly view of masturbation and it just happens to be written by a Mormon. I’m pretty sure other religions hold equally silly views.

    Can’t you say something funny about Ellen White and the Adventists?

    Well, I don’t know who that is, but I’ll give it a shot. Let’s see…uh, Ellen White walks into a bar and sees 2 Adventists masturbating…(I’ll let you finish the joke.)

    I’m glad Romney dropped out. His candidacy is what motivated you. (You sound like a Democrat because of your remark about Republicans)Your post is mild compared to what we would have seen.

    Yep, I’m a Democrat. And proud of it. Allow me to extend a cordial invitation to you to join the winning party. Romney really had nothing to do with why I wrote the article. It just made for an amusing headline.

    Mormon leaders have a lower incidence of all cancers except prostate cancer. Could that be because they are the only men not doing it?

    Assuming you’re serious in asking the question, I’m going to go out on a limb and say…uh, no….

    Marijuana and masturbation are similar. They are both harmless…

    Finally, something we can agree on.

  • Night Rider

    Doug:

    Now that I see you got that off the internet, I won’t accept your explanation. Your name is on that article and your reputation along with it. I cannot believe you did what you did.

    I don’t recall reading that. Some parts of it don’t seem right. The usual words are not there. It may have been modified. And to think you put your name on that. That’s really poor. You read that and accepted it hook, line and sinker. You got fooled. How do you feel about yourself right now? Steve’s criticism is valid. You are obligated to verify it.

    I don’t know how long you have been doing this. I don’t know if you understand this anti-Mormon thing. I have not noticed this phenomena in other religions except a little with the Jehovah’s Witnesses. But nobody fears the Witnesses except for perhaps Michael Jackson. Even the Catholics with all the pedophile priests don’t seem to catch it like the Mormons. You have web sites and 800 numbers where people put in great effort on this stuff. Just walk into one of the Evangelist book stores and you see it right away. I don’t know if you are one of them. (I think not) But you put yourself with them. That is how Mormon’s will view you.

    Did you notice that you did not finish the Adventist joke? You couldn’t do it. But you could easily Mormon joke. Allow me to tell you my favorite Pollack joke. (I have lots of Polish friends) “Why did Pollack keep driving around the block? Because, the car’s turn signal indicator was stuck.” Nowadays take out Pollack and put in Blonde or Mormon and you are OK.

    There might be something to the masturbation and prostate cancer. I read the article in one of the medical journals. It is the only cancer that is higher in Mormon High Priests.

    The only bad thing about excessive masturbation that I can think of is like marijuana. If you do either in excess you will probably underachieve. I see that with the marijuana smokers all the time.

  • http://planetjapan.org Doug DeLong

    Now that I see you got that off the internet, I won’t accept your explanation.

    Good point. The Internet is obviously a tool of the devil and you shouldn’t believe anything that’s written there.

    I cannot believe you did what you did.

    I know. I’m pretty shocked myself.

    How do you feel about yourself right now?

    Just sick to my stomach. Ashamed and embarrased. Humiliated, actually. I think I’ll kill myself.

    I don’t know how long you have been doing this.

    What, masturbating? I just started last week.

    You are obligated to verify it.

    Well, since Mr. Peterson is no longer with us, I can’t ask him about it. But I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I’ll catch a plane to Salt Lake City and see if I can find some of his family members. Maybe they can provide me with his original handwritten notes. After I get them, I’ll make a copy for myself and send the originals to you. And don’t worry, I’ll find a handwriting expert who can verify that it really is Mr. Peterson’s handwriting, because I don’t want to leave any doubt in your mind. That wouldn’t be fair to you.

    I see that with the marijuana smokers all the time.

    Do your Mormon friends know that you hang out with pot smokers? Have they led you down the sinful path of smoking dope? Are you, indeed, a pothead? Now is the time to confess your sins, Mr. Rider, if you want to go to heaven.

    Say Amen.

  • Night Rider

    Doug,

    Since this thing you wrote is a parody you have some latitude and a little poetic license. However, this website has some journalistic standards to it. You violated those standards when you accepted without question a piece allegedly written by Mark E. Peterson. And you got it on an anti-Mormon website which found it on a “tattered photocopy.” I don’t think your piece meets the standards of the Blogcritics.org.

    I just read the whole thing. I have read him before and heard him speak. That is not him. He usually heavily quotes the scriptures. Whoever wrote this obviously does not know the scriptures or they would have attempted to put some in there.

    You are a victim of and have perpetuated upon us a fraud.

    I am displeased with your work and that blogcritics.org would permit you to do this.

  • http://planetjapan.org Doug DeLong

    My my, you really do have your secret underwear in a bunch, don’t you?

    The Peterson document is not a parody, although I suspect that your comments might be. The fact that you are displeased with my work just tears me up inside, but with some professional counseling I’m pretty sure I’ll get over it.

    Speaking of couseling, you might want to see someone about your rampant paranoia. You seem to think that everyone’s out to get you and your religion. If you don’t want to see a professional, at least go to your doctor and have him prescribe some chill pills for you. As a last resort, you might want to consider surgery to get that stick surgically removed from your ass.

    Say Amen.

  • Night Rider

    You have avoided the heart and substance of my criticism of your work.

    You have also been disrespectful.

    This disrespect is an attempt to obfuscate because you cannot respond intelligently to my criticism.

    Look. You are obviously young. This may be your first attempt at some form of journalism. You created a political satire directed at Romney. You did not check things out first.

    We all like good jokes and satire. I love good polygamy jokes because I am a product of polygamy. My Mexican friend tells me Mexican jokes and my black friend tells me black jokes that I could never repeat. They are funny. It has to be done correctly and perhaps by someone of that ethnicity or social group. A good example is that blacks can use the N word whereas whites cannot. As someone with antipathy towards Mormons, you should probably not have undertaken this project.

    Maybe you will learn from this.

  • http://planetjapan.org Doug DeLong

    You have also been disrespectful.

    Well, maybe just a little. I can be a cheeky little monkey sometimes.

    Look. You are obviously young.

    Well, thank you for saying so, but I suspect that most people wouldn’t classify a 58-year-old man as “young.” If you click here, you’ll see my picture. I’m the elderly gentleman at the top of the page. Feel free to listen to my cheeky little podcast while you’re there. In fact, you may find my 2-part interview with a couple of young Mormon missionaries of interest.

    This may be your first attempt at some form of journalism.

    Nope…look’s like you’re 0 for 2 now.

    You created a political satire directed at Romney.

    Wrong again. It was a satire, but it clearly wasn’t political and it clearly had nothing to do with Mitt Romney. Did you even read what I wrote?

    As someone with antipathy towards Mormons, you should probably not have undertaken this project.

    You know what? I really don’t have antipathy for Mormons. I have a very “live and let live” attitude towards people who choose to believe in whatever. When it comes to religion, though, I think most of them are pretty silly and sometimes downright dangerous. In fact, I think the world would be a much better place if there were no religions at all.

    Finally, although I suspect that nothing I offer will be good enough to convince you of the genuine nature of Peterson’s piece, I did run across something interesting in the snopes.com forum. It’s an entry from the library catalogue at Brigham Young University:

    ======================

    Keep your hands to yourself : excerpts from Steps in overcoming masturbation: a guide to self-control, a pamphlet by the late Mormon Elder Mark E. Petersen
    Petersen, Mark E.
    Personal Author: Petersen, Mark E.
    Uniform title: Steps in overcoming masturbation. Selections
    Title: Keep your hands to yourself : excerpts from Steps in overcoming masturbation: a guide to self-control, a pamphlet by the late Mormon Elder Mark E. Petersen.
    General Note: Sidebar of the article “Wild Palms” / Rob Tannenbaum.
    General Note: Xerox copy.
    Subject term: Chastity.
    Subject term: Sex–Religious aspects–Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
    In: Details, May 1995, p.71
    Holdings
    HBLL Special Collections
    Copy Material Location
    BX 8608 .A1a no.7715 1 AMERICANA Americana Collection – 1130 HBLL

    ====================

  • Night Rider

    Doug,

    I understand you now. You are a humorist. That explains why I thought you were so young.

    Knowingly or not you thrust yourself into this genre of anti-Mormon writers. That is what Steve and I thought. They can be brutal and vicious. I have never understood them. Why do they expend so much time, energy and money to “save” someone from a religion that is different but produces people like Matt and Jeff and Mitt Romney? You clearly are not like them.

    I apologize. I misread you.

    I think you found something funny and you wanted to poke fun at it. That is O.K. Masturbation and farting are always funny. Do you remember that scene from Blazing Saddles? Throw in a little religion and that is funny as well.

    Back then they wrote a lot of pamphlets about sensitive topics. It was not a pamphlet, but I remember reading about incest. I don’t think they would do that today. It was a different world then. Successful religions have to adapt. I still have concerns about the “Peterson” pamphlet. It is not written in his usual style. Maybe he did write it.

    Thank you for sharing your faith. We all live by faith, even those without faith have to live by it.

    I enjoyed your interview with Matt and Jeff. You treated them with respect and I thought that they handled themselves well.

  • http://planetjapan.org Doug DeLong

    I understand you now. You are a humorist. That explains why I thought you were so young.

    What? Old people can’t be funny?

    Why do they expend so much time, energy and money to “save” someone from a religion that is different?

    I think most of the so-called anti-Mormon groups are made up of people who used to be Mormons, but for one reason or another, left the church. I imagine it can be traumatic to leave behind and lose faith in something that you’ve believed all your life, so I think these groups provide a sense of community for them and lets them communicate with people who have gone through the same experience.

    I apologize. I misread you.

    Yeah. That seems to happen to me a lot.

    I think you found something funny and you wanted to poke fun at it.

    I think we’ve reached the crux of the matter.

    I enjoyed your interview with Matt and Jeff.

    Yeah, they were nice. Certainly better dressers than me.

  • Night Rider

    Doug,

    I’ve been waiting and hoping that someone would walk over to the Harold B. Lee Library and copy and post that pamphlet. But I guess not. Nobody contributes to this blog anymore

    I keep thinking about something you wrote. I thought to let it go but I keep thinking about it. Like it or not you thrust yourself into this, so you should know. Sorry about the length of it but you inspired it.

    “I think most of the so-called anti-Mormon groups are made up of people who used to be Mormons, but for one reason or another, left the church”

    This is true for groups like the Salamander Society folks. Then there are notables like Will Bagley, Sonia Johnson. They are significant but a small group of anti-Mormons

    Will Bagley’s “I don’t like Brigham Young” mindset inspired his historically implausible book that led to the movie September Dawn. It was paned by historians and shunned by Mormons, the intended audience. Sonia Johnson was paraded in-your-face style on national TV at a Democratic Convention.

    Most Mormons like me who have left the church are indifferent but retain the culture. We also maintain an allegiance to the church. I tend to defend the church or my ancestors when I see them get a raw deal. That is why I contended with you.

    I don’t meet too many Mormons who convert to another sect of Christianity. Evangelical Christianity is to Mormonism what DOS is to Windows. Why would you go back? So you’re correct where else can these disaffected ex-Mormons go? Nowhere.

    Most anti-Mormon’s that I have met and heard about are Evangelicals. Here are some anecdotes:

    • You’ve heard of “Driving while black”. Well, how about “Running for President while Mormon”. I could not believe what the Evangelicals were saying on TV. Do you remember the Evangelical who refused to shake Mitt Romney’s hand? Then there was the Huckabee slur in the New Yorker (?) magazine. We got the message.
    • My good friend’s late mother was an Evangelical. I was talking in Spanish with the maid. She about had a hernia and broke her arm getting me away from her because she thought I was talking religion. Some would have taken offence. I still laugh today about it.
    • My sister is really nice and her daughter is really cute. There was a highly regarded Evangelical preschool where she attempted to enroll her daughter. She was told that they accepted all religions except Mormons. The lady proceeded to toss her a pamphlet with instructions to give it to any of her non-Mormon friends
    • Whenever I am around an Evangelical minister, and they come to me often, I try to keep quiet about my religion, which is hard to do around them. They always try to save me. Bless their souls.

    How did we get here? As the Mormon Church formed there was violence on both sides. But then the Church became accepted and reached a high point when President Johnson gave one of the three inaugural flags to the Mormon President David O. McKay. He kept one himself and gave the other to the Vice President.

    You may or may not know all this. Perhaps you don’t care. But your words inspired my thoughts.

  • Night Rider

    Doug,

    I don’t know if you are still out there.

    On a serious note, this is what I was talking about earlier. Mormon male leaders are lower in all forms of cancer except one: Prostate cancer. This study explains it. These leaders are not doing it. They are not masturbating because the Church leaders (Mark E. Peterson) inculcate from a very young age not to do it.

    “Men who frequently masturbate appear to have a lower risk of developing prostate cancer, Australian researchers reported.

    Researchers from the Cancer Council of Victoria found that men who masturbated more than five times each week were one-third less likely to develop the cancer.

    The study surveyed 1,000 men who developed prostate cancer and 1,250 who did not, and all were between the ages of 20 and 50, according to a report on Monday on the gay and lesbian news site PlanetOut.
    Researchers told the BBC last week that the prostate produces one of the fluids involved in ejaculation and that frequent masturbation appears to flush out carcinogens”.

    And now you know.

  • Sufferer

    I also used to think the same and was led by numerous such reports stating that it’s only the guilt which is harmful but after about 5 years, I really saw the effects of that bad habit.
    My penis shrunk to the size of a nut and I lost erection and couldn’t masturbate any more. It made me internally so weak that I couldn’t withstand even if someone shouted on me, I couldn’t concentrate any more and I would forget things in a few minutes. I really always felt tired and very depressed, with my head mildly aching very often. My condition was going down day by day and I couldn’t realise what was the actual reason for everything which was happening to me. Fortunately I got to know that this habit had the same bad effects as I was experiencing and I tried to stop it at any cost. My condition improved a lot in a few days and though I realised that I wasted a great deal of my time & energy which could have made me and taken me much more beyond than my current position but still it was a very very great experience which taught me a lot. And yeah it wasn’t easy for me and still isn’t to get rid of an addiction so easily but still I try my hard to stay away from this. I now masturbate once or twice in two weeks and trying my best to recover. I have recovered a lot and will hopefully recover completely soon.
    Of course there are more supporters of this habit and many may say that it has no side effects but it does have which don’t come up immediately or even after a few weeks,months or years but they do come up at some point of time and then the effects are so drastic and strong that you wouldn’t be able to even make out correctly what’s the real cause for sudden negative effects.
    I used to masturbate almost daily for the mentioned 5 years and that time went fine with me also living under the false belief that masturbation is a healthy habit.
    Now, I don’t want to debate over this issue but thorugh this comment I’m trying to tell and save other people from this addictive bad habit. It’s up to you to believe it or wait for the same to happen with you but on my part I can assure you that whatever I have written about my condition and experience is absolutely true.
    Regards