Now that the detention center at Guantanamo Bay is going to be dismantled, the resident terror suspects (let’s call ‘em what they are) are being shipped off to new homes in various countries. Some of the really bad ones will have to face trials, while others with more dubious and benign backgrounds will be released into the wild, not unlike the repopulation of wolves into northern Minnesota.
Bermuda is now home to some of the Uighurs (pronounced “wee-gers”), Chinese Muslims, and Palau will get $200 million to resettle a few. It appears that the Weegers' native China doesn’t want them back. They’re considered a separatist terrorist group. (Gee.)
I saw news reports showcasing happy Weegers swimming in a pool and enjoying their new, pink ocean side home. I know, I slipped and watched because the nomenclature involved – Weeger – was just too intriguing to flip away from the channel.
After seeing how calm and peace-loving the Bermudan Weegers were, not to mention well-dressed, well-fed and blessed with a better grasp of English than some of the people I deal with on a daily basis, I am most annoyed that no one came to me to ask my opinion. I have a big heart; I would love to adopt an alleged terrorist. Hey, President Obama! Gimme a Gitmo detainee!
First of all, seeing that I live in Michigan and not one dime of the stimulus money has made it into my neighborhood, because, let’s see, our governor is using it to plug holes in the budget, I could use some cash, and if adopting a Weeger qualifies, I’m game. My children survived 18 years with me and suffered no adverse effects. As an empty-nester, I have two vacant bedrooms in a very nice house in suburban Detroit. There are plenty of bathrooms, and although we don’t have a pool, there is some exercise equipment in the basement. We’re close to churches and within walking distance of trendy downtown Royal Oak, where the Weegers could while their time away by drinking coffee at sidewalk cafes.
Having a Weeger in the house may be just what the doctor ordered. I had to cancel my once a month cleaning woman and the lawn care service due to hard times. I could use some help with those bathrooms and with mowing the yard. There are also the weeds in the vegetable garden. Perhaps I can enlist Weeger help in chasing away those pesky chipmunks who keep robbing me of my strawberries.
My side yard is Asian inspired, and even though I’m not a Muslim, I’m sure a Weeger would appreciate the tranquility of a dry garden, where birds chirp as the water flows from the pond, while the wind chimes tinkle with each passing breeze.
There are plenty of Muslims in the Detroit area, so I’m sure I can find them some friends.
So, hey, Mr. President! Consider this my application to adopt a Gitmo detainee.
I’m in the book. Call me.