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SATIRE: Donald Trump Goes to China

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A couple of months ago one of America’s most successful billionaires, Donald Trump, nearly ran for President. The fact that he eventually didn’t, may have been caused on a multiplicity of factors upon which this fictional interview is based (and the assumption that Premier Wen Jiabao doesn’t need an Interpreter).

The date is March 2013; President Donald Trump (assuming he swept to victory in the 2012 elections) is in Beijing with his contingent to conduct high level talks with the Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao. The banquet hall is well illuminated; the leaders of both nations are seated face-to-face across a lavishly spread dinner table to discuss strategic relations and a host of other contentious issues.

(Donald bangs on his glass with a spoon, to get everyone’s attention)

Donald: Mr.Wen, thank you for having me and my contingent over today. I am here today to take our strategic relationship to the next level.

Wen Jiabao: (Smiles and Nods).

Donald: Before that, Mister Wen, I think you and I need to do a little bit of plain talk!! Things are really not going as well as they should be Mr. Wen, and I am here to address that.

(Some whispering is seen among the Chinese contingent)

Wen Jiabao: What are your concerns President Trump?

Donald: The United States of America, Mr.Wen is not only the largest democracy in the world but also the world’s biggest economy. We need to be treated with a little respect!!

(More shuffling continues, and this time Premier Wen Jiabao has a puzzled look)

Wen Jiabao: Well, President Trump, I am truely sorry that you are not happy with the 21 Gun salute that our Military had given you nor the red carpet welcome that you have been given ..

Donald Trump: (Interjects) NO NO NO! Mr. Wen, This is about the larger picture, or should I say, the Global Imbalance that exists in the system. The fact is that you guys have been undervaluing your currency for the last generation or so, and so you now have a China with a huge surplus and an America with an even Larger Deficit. 

Wen Jiabao: Well of course President Trump, that’s common knowledge to anyone these days.

Donald Trump: (leans back with folded arms) So tell me then, how do we fix this?

Wen Jiabao: (leans forward, takes of his spectacles) You see Mister President, a very American Senator once said “IF IT AIN’T BROKE .. DON’T FIX IT!!”.

Donald Trump: This is precisely what I am talking about!! As the top two economies in the world, we should be setting an example of how economies do business together effectively.

Wen Jiabao: Hold on a second, President Trump. 

(Wen Jiabao hands out a copy of the Central Bank of China Report to Trump, who glances through it ..) 

Wen Jiabao: As you can see, Presdient Trump we hold approximately $1 Trillion of your treasuries, which is almost close to half if not 40% of the total worth of treasuries issued. Moreover, as the world’s second largest economy we kept buying your bonds to support the dollar despite your slugfest in Congress last summer. 

Donald Trump:  Okay .. Okay

Wen Jiabao: Oh!! and here is something else for you to see. Look!! Our Forex reserves are presently at $3 Trillion dollars while your nation has a staggering debt of $14.5 Trillion. So with all due respect President Trump, we are certainly not equals!!  

Donald Trump (frowns): That’s why we need to address this, Mister Wen.

Wen Jiabao: That may be how you see it, but It’s working perfectly fine for China and for Asia as well. Our reserves are high and our workers are efficient. This is capitalism, for there to be winners, there have to be losers too. You of all people should know this.

Donald Trump: Let the Renmimbi appreciate by 5%. Relax your controls and give the US Premium Goods Export access to this market in China.

(Wen Jiabao leans backwards and consults with his team and then gets back to the table .. )

Wen Jiabao: If we agree to do this, what would you give China in return? 

Donald Trump: Well, what would you want?

Wen Jiabao: Access to American High Technology Defense and Warfare Equipment. The ability to …

Donald Trump (snaps): Mister Wen, let me warn you that I can drive a hard bargain. Let me put it this way; we feel that as a nation, China should give the US access to its growing market. Otherwise, my contingent and I would be compelled to make an official statement recognizing the “Dalai Lama” as the rightful leader of Tibet.

About mario_the_legend

  • Glenn Contrarian

    Mario –

    Excellent exposition of the stranglehold that China has on America’s economy, and the ignorance of Americans who are too proud to admit that we are all responsible for having passed the torch of global primacy to China.