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Satire: Dirk Nowitzki Gets Ticked Hoff

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Welcome to "O Caption! My Caption!" Blogcritics' examination of news, sports, and politics by utilizing the most efficient and time-saving method: looking at pretty pictures and deducing what happened based on the pixels.

Opposite of Diana Hartman's OCMC installments over in the culture section every, well, whenever she gets to them, the plan was to feature this every Friday. That will still happen, but since we completely missed last Friday's installment, everyone gets a treat with a double dose of sports photos this week. Because, be honest, last Friday was a little unfulfilling, wasn't it?

↑ Chicago White Sox centerfielder Brent Lillibridge tries to cheat on the location of Nelson Cruz's fly ball to deep center field, but a typo results in a "ball not found" error. (AP/Matt Slocum)

↑ Dallas Mavericks forward Dirk Nowitzki reacts after referee David Jones rules that David Hasselhoff's oeuvre of work is not as impressive as that of Jean Claude Van Damme's. (AP/David Zalubowski)

↑ Later, Dirk Nowitzki began hyperventilating over the ruling. (AP/Jack Dempsey)

↑ Detroit Red Wings forward Jiri Hudler receives a penalty in Game 1 of the Western Conference semifinals for starting a bonfire on the ice during the second period. (AP/Paul Sancya)

↑ Sean O'Hair, winner of the Quail Hollow Championship in Charlotte, North Carolina, pitches in after the tournament to assist the clubhouse in getting better DirecTV reception. (AP/Gerry Broome)

↑ Adam Carroll, right, and Mark Gallagher celebrate their victory at the Formula 1 Double Helix Grand Prix in London by hoisting the ceremonial gumball machine trophy. (AP/Max Nash)

↑ During the finals of the Italian Rome Masters tournament against Rafael Nadal, Novak Djokovic pauses to reflect on a second career in testicular cancer detection. (AP/Gregoria Borgia)

↑ In a blockbuster trade, the New England Patriots added much-needed enlightenment to their roster by trading for the Dalai Lama in exchange for total consciousness on Bill Belichick's deathbed and a 2010 third-round draft pick. (Reuters/Adam Hunger)

What do YOU think happened this week in sports? Provide your own captions in the comments below and we'll feature some of the best captions.

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  • “trading for the Dalai Lama in exchange for total consciousness on Bill Belichick’s deathbed”

    so he has that going for him, which is nice

  • As sources said Thursday that people within the organization cautioned Dirk Nowitzki about his relationship with a woman who was arrested at the star forward’s home Wednesday morning.

    The team sources said Nowitzki’s own suspicion led him to question Cristal Taylor’s past while allowing her to stay in his house. Her arrest on two warrants, stemming from a probation violation and a theft charge, occurred as the Mavericks flew back from Denver.

    “It’s pretty obvious that I’m going through a tough time in my personal life right now,” Nowitzki, 30, said after practice Thursday. “Like I always have, I want to kind of keep my private life private.

    “I really am not at the stage where I can talk about it yet and feel comfortable talking about it. I’m more than happy to answer basketball questions, but I think at this point, I just can’t talk about it.”

    Taylor, 37, remained jailed Thursday night in Dallas County jail with bail set at $20,000 on the theft of services charge and no bail allowed on the probation violation. She could face an extradition hearing in the coming days.