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Satire: “ConBoy”

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So I was musing a bit about what it would be like if Ronnie Earle were to actually get a conviction or plea deal with Tom DeLay, leading to fines and a prison term for the soon-to-be ex-Congressman. And, well, it happened.

May the fates forgive me.

ConBoy
Sung to the tune of “Convoy” by C.W. McCall
“Convoy” lyrics“Convoy” MP3

“Uh, Breaker One-Nine, this here’s the Lame Duck
How’d they get a copy of that e-mail Pig Pen? C’mon

Uh, yeah 10-4 Pig Pen, fer sure, fer sure
They say it reaches clear to Flag-Town, C’mon

Uh, yeah, that’s a big 10-4 Pig-Pen,
Yeah, they definitely got the smoking gun good buddy,
Mercy sakes alive, looks like we got us a ConBoy

Was the dark of the moon, in a grifter’s room
On the Hill, breaking laws,
The head Tom boy and Reefer Roy
An’ a Congress full of hogs
But back at home the DA roamed,
‘Bout a mile outta Sugar-Town
He said “Pig Pen, you’re plumb out of luck;
Cuz I’m about to take the Hammer down.”

Cause we gotta mighty ConBoy, he can’t stand the light
Yeah we gotta mighty ConBoy, ain’t it an ugly sight?
Come on an’ help our ConBoy, send him up the river to stay,
We’re gonna run this thievin’ ConBoy, out of the USA
ConBoy… ConBoy…

Uh, breaker Pig -Pen, this here’s Lame Duck
Uh, you wanna back off them hogs
10-4, ’bout five months or so, 10-roger
The heat is gittin’ in-tense up here

By the time the probe reached Flag-Town
He made it four charges in all
But they’s a road block on the committee floor
An’ them hogs was wall to wall
With denials as thick as bugs on a bumper
An’ claims that it wasn’t fair
They passed the buck, but they was out of luck,
The Hammer was a-outta there

Cause we gotta great big ConBoy, he can’t stand the light
Yeah we gotta great big ConBoy, ain’t it an ugly sight?
Come on an’ help our ConBoy, send him up the river to stay,
We’re gonna run this weasel ConBoy, out of the USA
ConBoy… ConBoy…

Uh, you wanna give me a 10-9 on that Pig-Pen?
Uh, negatory Pig Pen, yer still too close
Yeah, them other hogs is startin’ to get nervous

Mercy sakes, you better back off, take a break, you know?

He had rolled up way back in ’94,
A Gingrich guy through and through,
But the power went right to his head,
As power so often do.
By the time ’05 rolled around,
he was actin’ like a king,
From K Street to the money men
And some gerrymandering
There was pork, and sleaze and bank accounts
An’ frauds of every size
From bugs he switched to Democrats
as things to exterminize
Well he shot the line, an’ he went for broke
With a thousand dirty tricks
A self-proclaimed devout friend of Jesus
WIth a soul like an oil slick

Hey Rovester, listen
We may need to turn that Hammer into a suicide jockey
Yeah, this stuff is dynamite
He needs all the help he can git

Well he vowed to fight but then turned to flight
He decided to resign
He could see the writing on the wall
An’ it was gettin’ near to trial time
“I say, Pig Pen, this here’s Ronnie Earle,
An’ this time you’re gonna pay in full,
You’ll be in Kegans State ’til you’re ninety-eight
I sez, let true justice roll, 10-4

Cause we gotta little ol’ ConBoy, he can’t stand the light,
Yeah we gotta little ol’ ConBoy, ain’t it an ugly sight?
Come on an’ help our ConBoy, send him up the river to stay
We’re gonna roll this slimy ConBoy, out of the USA
ConBoy… ConBoy…

Uh, 10-4 Pig Pen, what’s yer 20?
Clemens?!
Well they oughta know what to do with a hog like you out there fer sure
Well mercy sakes alive good buddy
We gonna back on outta here
So keep the bugs off yer glass
An’ the DAs off yer… tail
We gonna catch ya on the flip-flop
This here’s the Lame Duck on the side
Wishin’ you luck
Bye, Bye…”

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