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Satire: Cheney Going To Turino

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Blogcritics has learned that Dick “Buckshot” Cheney is headed to Turino with plans to enter the biathlon.

His exact motives are unclear.

But it is known that he is not going to answer questions raised by the “hunting accident” of last weekend. He has not denied rumors that Brokeback Mountain was based on his life.

Some of his aides, speaking off the record, said he was so frustrated with the debate about whether to call the city Turin or Torino that he was going to go straighten it out himself.
Besides, it sounds a little bit too much like the War on Terror so there is a possibility he may just destroy the town.

Rumors that he was bringing several of his own guns have been unconfirmed.
The next biathlon is tonight, and the rules state if one person is disqualified another can take his or her place.

One athlete is unaccounted for, so Cheney may have his in.

In related news, Cheney reportedly shot a television that was broadcasting The Daily Show on Tuesday night. He apparently was not amused.

Stay tuned to Blogcritics for the truth about what happens when a man named Dick lives up to his name.

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About Scott Butki

Scott Butki was a newspaper reporter for more than 10 years before making a career change into education... then into special education. He has been doing special education work for about five years He lives in Austin. He reads at least 50 books a year and has about 15 author interviews each year and, yes, unlike tv hosts he actually reads each one. He is an in-house media critic, a recovering Tetris addict and a proud uncle. He has written articles on practically all topics from zoos to apples and almost everything in between.
  • Excellent! Hé hé hé!

  • Tina Pyron

    I guess we will have to wait to see what happens. Nice continuations!

  • Meh.

  • Scott Butki

    Can you elaborate on “meh”?

  • Meh = One OK joke stretched out to 200 words.

  • Scott Butki

    You can see why I’m hesitating to write a sequel.

    Maybe if he did curling instead of the biathlon…

  • Scott Butki

    Ok, the sequel…

  • Scott Butki

    The United States vice president won a gold medal and tried to solve a mystery on Thursday.

    Fresh from shooting his “friend” last weekend in a lover’s quarrel and giving a partial apology Wednesday, Vice President Dick Cheney arrived in Turino Thursday morning.

    He was quick to lay down the law:
    – He does not care if people call it Turin or Turino but anyone who gets in his way may get capped.

    – He is disappointed with the performance of Bode Miller and has already made arrangements for him to be disposed with after the competitions.

    – He wanted the U.S. to win a gold in the biathlon and if that meant doing it himself he would.

    With the exception of a slight drug use scandal because of his use of Viagra, Cheney’s victory in the biathlon was a breeze. He would ski while carrying his gun and as competitors saw him coming from behind they would drop out of the race.

    After grabbing the gold, Cheney went over to the curling competition.
    He spent about five minutes trying to understand why it was a sport, four minutes more than most Americans spend on the topic.

    He pronounced it “not a real sport” and then – after being handed a piece of paper – put on his black Darth Vader-like cape and left the region.

    Cheney was next seen in Germany, angry about how President George Bush has been treated by some citizens.

    Cheney said he would not rest until he discovered who was sticking flags, containing Bush’ face, in piles of dog feces.

    Cheney said when he found the human – and dog – responsible he would send them to Abu Ghraib, where they would be dealt with appropriately.

    Asked if he had seen the new photos at http:///www.salon.com of torture at the prison, Cheney grabbed this reporter and hit him.

    Cheney then abruptly ended the interview and stalked away.

  • Scott Butki

    Er, Make that Salon.com

  • Matt

    I JUST GOT BACK FROM TORINO. At the events I went to I held up a sign that read NBC in bold going down, and Nice Buchshot Cheney going accross, with a bullseye. It made it on European Television

  • Scott Butki

    Very cool.

  • Scott Butki

    For satire, this Onion piece is hard to top.