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RJ’s 2010 NFL Picks – Week Two

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I went 7-9 last week. For a comparison, check out the “experts” over at ESPN.

Here are my picks for the NFL’s Week Two:

***SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 19***

Pittsburgh 1-0 at Tennessee 1-0  – 1:00 PM [Sheridan’s odds: Tennessee by 5]

Can the Titans contain the Beast of Three Nouns (Men. Den. & Hall.)? Can Ben Roethlisberger manage to stay out of college bars? Can Vince Young finally master the alphabet? At least one of these questions will be answered on Sunday.

–RJ’s Pick: Tennessee by 3

Miami 1-0 at Minnesota 0-1 – 1:00 PM [Sheridan’s odds: Minnesota by 5.5]

Old quarterbacks never die; they just fade away … while occasionally using their cell phones to send obscene photos involving Crocs.

–RJ’s Pick: Minnesota by 8

Arizona 1-0 at Atlanta 0-1 – 1:00 PM [Sheridan’s odds: Atlanta by 6.5]

Cardinals vs. Falcons? Meh.

Here are some much more entertaining birds to watch:

–RJ’s Pick: Atlanta by 1

Baltimore 1-0 at Cincinnati 0-1 – 1:00 PM [Sheridan’s odds: Baltimore by 1.5]

The Bengals have a great passing game but a suspect defense. The Ravens have an excellent defense but a mediocre offense. That was my attempt at serious football analysis.

–RJ’s Pick: Baltimore by 4

Kansas City 1-0 at Cleveland 0-1 – 1:00 PM [Sheridan’s odds: Cleveland by 2]

Matt Cassel was truly amazing last week: 10-for-22 passing for an incredible 68 yards! I know who’s getting my Pro Bowl vote for AFC quarterback this year.

Jake Delhomme had to be disappointed by his performance last Sunday. Tampa Bay’s defense limited him to two interceptions instead of his usual five. Despite this setback, Cleveland managed to lose anyway. Delhomme is unlikely to start against KC due to an ankle injury, so look for Seneca Wallace to be the go-to turnover machine for the Browns this week.

–RJ’s Pick: Kansas City by 2

Chicago 1-0 at Dallas 0-1 – 1:00 PM [Sheridan’s odds: Dallas by 7.5]

The Bears should have lost last week, and the Cowboys should have won. Equilibrium will be restored to the NFL universe this week.

–RJ’s Pick: Dallas by 14

Philadelphia 0-1 at Detroit 0-1 – 1:00 PM [Sheridan’s odds: Philadelphia by 6]

Poor Calvin Johnson. The last time someone got screwed that hard was Jodie Foster in the pinball scene from The Accused. In the future, Detroit Lions receivers are advised to hold on to the ball for at least two trimesters, just to be sure.

This week, both starting quarterbacks are going to sit. Kevin Kolb is out with brain damage and Matthew Stafford is out because he’s always out. So the Eagles will start PETA spokeman Michael Vick, and the Lions will start Shaun Hill, whose numbers get worse every season.

–RJ’s Pick: Detroit by 1 [The over/under on the number of mutilated pit bulls found in the visitors’ locker room after the game: 13]

Buffalo 0-1 at Green Bay 1-0 – 1:00 PM [Sheridan’s odds: Green Bay by 13]

Buffalo still has a team? Didn’t they move to Canada or something?

–RJ’s Pick: Green Bay by 19

Tampa Bay 1-0 at Carolina 0-1 – 1:00 PM [Sheridan’s odds: Carolina by 3.5]

Carolina’s passing game last week: 14-for-35 with three interceptions. And remember: Jake Delhomme is no longer on the roster!

–RJ’s Pick: Tampa Bay by 4

Seattle 1-0 at Denver 0-1 – 4:05 PM [Sheridan’s odds: Denver by 3.5]

How long before the Seahawks are disqualified from the postseason for recruiting violations?

–RJ’s Pick: Denver by 2

Saint Louis 0-1 at Oakland 0-1 – 4:05 PM [Sheridan’s odds: Oakland by 3.5]

The Raiders suck.

Okay, fine. The Rams suck more.

–RJ’s Pick: Oakland by 6

Houston 1-0 at Washington 1-0 – 4:15 PM [Sheridan’s odds: Houston by 3]

Arian Foster > Steve Slaton. The Texans could be really good this year.

–RJ’s Pick: Houston by 7

New England 1-0 at New York Jets 0-1 – 4:15 PM [Sheridan’s odds: New England by 2.5]

First, a joke: 53 New York Jets walk into a bar. The bartender is a gorgeous Latina who is wearing an outfit that appears to have been spray-painted on. Every Jets player treats her with the utmost respect, maintaining eye contact at all times and leaving a generous tip. A pleasant time is had by all. Later, she is sexually assaulted in the parking lot by Rex Ryan. (Rimshot!)

Seriously though, if this chick doesn’t cause you to act a little bit silly, then you are most likely dead. Or gay. Or blind. Or a dead gay guy with no eyes.

Now on to some football. Wes Welker is a mushroom cloud-laying moth********.

–RJ’s Pick: New England by 6

Jacksonville 1-0 at San Diego 0-1 – 4:15 PM [Sheridan’s odds: San Diego by 7]

David Garrard was outstanding last week. Philip Rivers looked pretty good, too. I think this will be a close, high-scoring game.

–RJ’s Pick: San Diego by 3

New York Giants 1-0 at Indianapolis 0-1 – 8:20 PM [Sheridan’s odds: Indianapolis by 5]

The Manning brothers meet!

Let’s hope the outcome is a little less gay than that.

–RJ’s Pick: Indianapolis by 3

***MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 20***

New Orleans 1-0 at San Francisco 0-1 – 8:30 PM [Sheridan’s odds: New Orleans by 5.5]

A good reason to go to bed early on a Monday night.

–RJ’s Pick: New Orleans by 24

(If you’re interested, you can check out the full list of Danny Sheridan’s Odds and ESPN’s NFL “Expert” Picks.)

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About RJ

  • http://www.roblogpolitics.blogspot.com RJ

    Thank you, Charlie!

  • Charlie Doherty

    No problem. By the way: love your sense of humor. We need more of that here (Suss was good at that :)

  • C2E

    RJ,

    Lovin’ the comments!

    Right out of the shoot, on-the-money trashing of both Big Ben and VY. Two of the 32 “elite leaders” we showcase for the world.

    I thought your analysis of the Ravens-Bengals matchup was much easier to follow than the Scouts report on ESPN. I don’t understand why Boy Scouts are supposed to know so much about football, anyway.

    Seriously, the comments are both insightful and snarky, just as I remember from previous years (missed you last year). And the over-the-top over/under on Pit Bulls…cruel (but funny)! My money is on Vick having a great game. Picks this week:

    Falcons over Cardinals
    Panthers over Buccaneers
    Chiefs over Browns
    Eagles over Lions
    Titans over Steelers
    Vikings over Dolphins
    Ravens over Bengals
    Cowboys over Bears
    Packers over Bills
    Raiders over Rams
    Seahawks over Broncos
    Chargers over Jaguars
    Patriots over Jets
    Texans over Redskins
    Colts over Giants
    Saints over 49ers

    Good luck!

  • as2ros

    Had me laughing out loud!

    My picks:
    Falcons
    Panthers
    Chiefs
    Eagles
    Titans
    Vikings
    Bengals
    Cowboys
    Packers
    Raiders
    Broncos
    Chargers
    Patriots
    Texans
    Colts
    Saints

  • JC

    ~ Serious football analysis for the Ravens game! With Ray Lewis a once murder suspect and TO / OCHO CINCO, a BATMAN and ROBIN making the alledged criminal nervious puns were there for you to grab. It almost makes me want to pick CINCI, almost.
    ~ That picture of the Manning brothers makes them look like the posters boys for NAMBLA
    ~ That car covered in bird poo was mine!
    ~ Thanks once again for making me laugh, here are my picks

    ATLANTA -7.5
    BALTIMORE -1.5
    KC +2.5
    DALLAS -8.5
    DETROIT +4.5
    GREEN BAY -13.5
    TENN -5.5
    MINN -5.5
    TAMPA +.5
    SEATTLE +3.5
    OAKLAND -4.5
    NEW ENGLAND -1.5 (I hope im wrong boo NE)
    SAN DIEGO -8.5
    WASHINGTON +3.5
    INDY -5.5
    NEW ORLEANS -5.5

  • http://www.roblogpolitics.blogspot.com RJ

    Thanks everyone!

  • kurt brigliadora

    New england is a rough team and well coached too. but the jets will get up for this game,dont count them out yet,they could very well upset!

  • kurt brigliadora

    the GIANTS plus are the best bet of the day… Eli beats his brother!

  • The Stepdads

    8 and 8 last week…

    Baltimore
    Minnesota
    Dallas
    Philadelphia
    Atlanta
    Kansas City
    Buffalo
    Tennessee
    Tampa Bay
    St. Louis
    Seattle
    Houston
    Jacksonville
    New England
    NY Giants
    New Orleans

  • C2E

    Wow! Who would have thought the 49ers would have played so close?

    The whole Texans toying with Washington was great drama, but it was obvious from the beginning who would dominate. Quite Clear. But the Texans won anyway. Yeah!

    What’s up with the Cowboys? I think it’s Romo’s stupid hats. Is he a London Cabbie? He’s not looking too much like a premier NFL Quarterback at the moment. Did you see him on the bench late in the 4th Quarter while Chicago was in offense? Romo, like most of the offense, was sitting on the bench, staring down, feeling all girly like. Where the hell are the coaches? Who is in their face tellign them they haven’t earned the right to sit their asses down? Who is getting them in the game? Who is motivating them? I guess we need some new girlfriends….

    So I sucked worse this week than last week: 9-7. That makes me 19-13 ovarall and that ain’t too good.

    I attribute it to RJ’s poor picks and the fact that he doesn’t get his analysis in before 5:00 PM CDT – when I have to have my picks in.

    Next week. Cowboys or Texans?

    Chris

  • http://www.roblogpolitics.blogspot.com RJ

    Final Scores:

    GB 34, Bills 7 – RJ 1-0
    Miami 14, Vikings 10 – RJ 1-1
    KC 16, Cleveland 14 – RJ 2-1
    Bears 27, Cowboys 20 – RJ 2-2
    Falcons 41, Arizona 7 – RJ 3-2
    TB 20, Carolina 7 – RJ 4-2
    Philly 35, Detroit 32 – RJ 4-3
    Bengals 15, Ravens 10 – RJ 4-4
    Steelers 19, Titans 11 – RJ 4-5
    Denver 31, Seattle 14 – RJ 5-5
    Raiders 16, Rams 14 – RJ 6-5
    Houston 30, Redskins 27 – RJ 7-5
    Jets 28, NE 14 – RJ 7-6
    SD 38, Jaguars 13 – RJ 8-6
    Colts 38, Giants 14 – RJ 9-6
    NO 25, SF 22 – RJ 10-6

  • http://www.roblogpolitics.blogspot.com RJ

    ESPN’s NFL “experts” in Week 2:

    Allen 8-8
    Golic 9-7
    Hoge 9-7
    Jaworski 9-6
    Mortensen 11-5
    Schefter 8-8
    Schlereth 9-7
    Wickersham 6-10
    Accuscore 9-7
    Pick ‘em 10-6

  • http://www.roblogpolitics.blogspot.com RJ

    Through two weeks:

    Accuscore 21-11
    Pick ‘em 20-12
    Schlereth 20-12
    Hoge 19-13
    Mortensen 19-13
    Jaworski 18-11
    ***RJ 17-15***
    Schefter 17-15
    Golic 16-16
    Wickersham 16-16
    Allen 15-17

  • http://www.roblogpolitics.blogspot.com RJ

    RJ ATS in Week 2: 5-10-1 (However, I did nail the spread in one game…)

    RJ ATS through two weeks: 11-17-4

  • as2ros

    I went 11 -5 in week 2 for a total of 24-8 for the season.

    I’m pulling for the Cowboys (as usual) cabbie hat and all!