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Review: Catwoman Needs Her Litter Changed!

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Actors have to eat too, that is what I kept telling myself while I watched this cat box that needed a litter change really badly. The only thing that I thought was somewhat salvageable was the work done by the stunt doubles. Or so I thought, because Cielo swears that it was all CGI.

I am not sure if the animators were actually proud of their work or not. If I was Halle Berry I would have been insulted by having so much of what I did be CGI work. I mean even a scene where she is just walking down a ledge was clearly CGI work. It was so bad that I spent more time trying to see if a scene was real or not.

Where to begin? It is hard to just start dealing with my anger at this movie, it must be done or I will not be at peace with the ‘movie fairy’. I am quite convinced that this movie was green-lighted by a movie troll.

Comic book movies have been flooding the silver screen. I have been very happy with most of the recent renditions from both Marvel and DC. This movie, however, shows us how a screenplay can be totally butchered and make nonsense out of an otherwise likable character. I am sure someone will come and tell me that this Catwoman was based on something other than the super villain from DC comics. Please don’t waste server space.

I would have to write another review to fit in my thoughts on the director and how much he really stinks like cat feces. I will, however, mention that the camera work is horrendous, and his frantic use of angles that did not show any distinguishable action made it difficult to follow the movie. At the same time this could have been just the lead animator’s decision, who should probably share direction credit with the prevalence of CGI.

Lambert Wilson, who by the way was born in France, and can be also see in the last two Matrix movies as the Merovingian does a dismal job of affecting a British accent. I am not sure if any Britains will be annoyed by something like this, but as a Colombian I do get annoyed when I see actors portraying Colombians in a movie who are obviously of other nationalities.

Their use of words never used in the Colombian flavor of Spanish makes me a little irritable because I am sure there are plenty of Colombians who could have played the part, as I am sure that there was plenty of British actors that could have played the character in this movie.

Halle Berry is an excellent actress. Even though at times I have questioned her sanity for some of the roles she has played, she does manage to always make the character the best it can be. This time I am sorry to say that she could not do much to fix the bipolar nonsense that is Catwoman’s and Patience’s personality. I never even got a clear picture of whether one personality had any sense of the other; it was just confusing.

Sharon Stone could have almost saved the day, but her lines are so badly written that a Max Headroom version of her could have done the job just as well. Benjamin Bratt has never made my best actors list, but I’ve never had much expectation for him to do so. He does, however, play an okay cop; but come on, after years being a TV cop, how difficult could it be for him to mess it up? He does not escape cleanly, though, since I blame him for letting them put a LIP PRINT as the evidence for linking Catwoman to Patience.

I do have to make an honorable mention here. This is what makes this movie a one star instead of a zero. Midnight – the sometimes CGI, the sometimes real Egyptian Mau – is the best actor in the whole movie.

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