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For years now, I’ve told anyone who’d listen there’s no real difference between Republicans and Democrats, and that they are, indeed, one and the same mangy beast. That’s why I become a Libertarian: we actually read the Constitution and are willing to live within its limitations. Unlike Republocrats, who subvert it at every opportunity in order to advance their own corrupt belief systems while growing their own wealth. All at our expense. (And by “our” I mean those of us not lucky enough to know a politician willing to let us toss their salad.)

Anyway, to illustrate my point (while testing my few regular readers’ collective sense of humor) I decided to make a chart demonstrating the similarities between each party. So imagine my surprise when I started noticing some very real and definitive differences. The first half of this list is applicable to members of each party, while the second half is specific to Bush and Kerry, the titular heads of their respective goon squads. With that in mind, let’s start the comparison.

DEMOCRATS: White Guilt
DEMOCRATS: Tax and Spend
REPUBLICANS: Cut Taxes and Spend More
DEMOCRATS: Free Speech, as long as it’s PC
REPUBLICANS: Free Speech, as long as it’s not Porn
DEMOCRATS: Bible Bashers
REPUBLICANS: Bible Thumpers
REPUBLICANS: Would Like Gays to Shut-Up
DEMOCRATS: Okay with Same-Sex Marriages
REPUBLICANS: Okay with Hot Girl-on-Girl Action
DEMOCRATS: Count on the Black Vote
REPUBLICANS: Don’t Count the Black Vote

KERRY: Married into Money
BUSH: Born into Money
KERRY: A Leader
BUSH: Elitist (It’s a phonics joke, people)
KERRY: Horse Face
BUSH: Horse Owner
KERRY: Flesh Presser
BUSH: Press Hater
KERRY: Served in Nam in the 60’s
BUSH: Served in bars in the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s
KERRY: Windsor Knot
BUSH: Hangman’s Noose
KERRY: Crazy Wife
BUSH: Comatose Wife
KERRY: Unwilling to take a stand
BUSH: Unwilling to change a stance
KERRY: Stays young with Botox
BUSH: Stays young bathing in the blood of virgins

Oh well, looks like I’m gonna have to stay Libertarian after all, because despite these glaring differences, both Democrats and Republicans still have the appeal of a bowl of moldy placenta.

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  • RJ

    “Democrats and Republicans still have the appeal of a bowl of moldy placenta.”

    That’s quite disgusting, TYVM…