I recently made the decision to end a relationship with a man I haven’t seen for months. He’s been away on business and has grown less and less available to me. I decided that the New Year was a very appropriate time to end it, and on the evening I made the decision, I was contacted online by someone I never knew existed. He and I chatted for hours and exchanged photos.
In the days that followed, we spent as much time as possible communicating with each other and getting to know one another. He lives across the country but admitted to me that he is more than willing to relocate for the right girl. He told me that if we were still communicating and liking each other in 30 days, he would make arrangements to fly here to meet me.
How can I be sure that I am not just grasping at straws here? I’m concerned that I’m on the rebound. But if this new man is what it takes to get over last one, I feel like that isn’t such a bad thing?
Sorry, but the idea that you are “grasping at straws” is a given. Let’s just look at the facts here. You ended a “relationship” with a man you had not seen in months. Now you think you need to ‘recover” from it? And further, you think some random guy across the country is going to assist you with this?
Well, excuse me, but hold the fuckin’ phone! REWIND!
Number one, it is not a relationship if you are the only one in it… and you are the only one in it when the man disappears “for months”.
Secondly, since there is no actual relationship lost, there is nothing to “recover” from.
You are obviously desperate to be in a relationship, and on this front I don’t blame you. But I don’t think you have any chance at all of establishing and maintaining a successful partnership, unless you care to look HARD at your tendencies here.
For example, you are obviously unable to discern what is and what is not an actual relationship with potential. And you need help for this! Professional help! Not an email, a picture, and a (qualified) promise from some guy in Topeka!
I am not trying to be mean. I am trying to help you. You are clinging to these utterly unavailable men, apparently auditioning for them, and it’s just plain sick. The best thing you could do is take the money and the energy you are spending on these random guys, and invest in a therapist. Because the road you’re on leads nowhere.