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# Ranking System

People are always ranking things on a scale of 1-10. I wish there really was a scale of 1-10. You would put stuff on it and it would tell you how good it is on a scale of 1-10.

Like you’d rent a movie… “I heard this movie was supposed to be really bad, let’s see what it gets on a scale of 1-10.” Your friend would tell you his girlfriend is a perfect 10, and you would disagree, so you’d get her on the scale of 1-10. “Ha! She’s a 7! Told ya!” You’d buy a new shirt… “The lady at the store said this shirt looked great on me. Let’s check it out on the scale of 1-10… A three?!? Fuck this, I’m bringing it back!

Have you ever heard someone say “On a scale of 1-10, I give it an 11!” Or, “I give it a 0.” This person thinks they are being clever and cool by saying something is either so good or so bad that’s it’s not even on the scale… but really…. they just aren’t following directions.

There is no 11 on a scale of 1-10, that’s why it’s called a scale of 1-10. What’s wrong with you? Sometimes people throw half’s in there too. “I give it a 9 and a half.” Who said you could use half’s? On a scale of 1-10, your ability to correctly use the scale of 1-10 is a 1.

When things are ranked, they are usually ranked in a certain group of numbers. Like the top 10 is very popular, or the top 20, or maybe the top 3. You never see the top 7 of anything, or the top 11. But, sometimes people try to rank things this way. Like “Our son Jimmy finished in the top 11 of his class!” Oh come on man, just admit it, Jimmy finished #11. If he was somewhere in the top 10, you would just have said top 10. You’re not fooling anyone.

I think I want to be a comedian.

• Is this post anything to do with the fact that “This is Spinal Tap” was on TV late last night?

“It goes up to eleven”

• JR

This person thinks they are being clever and cool by saying something is either so good or so bad that’s it’s not even on the scale… but really…. they just aren’t following directions.

Well put!

• Tim, ha! Nope. Actually haven’t seen that in a long long time.

Thanks JR.

• Is this supposed to be another of your comedy posts? because, once again, you have managed to raise a good issue. it’s pretty important too; how many magazines do you know of that rely on a scale of either 1-5 or 1-10 (even if it’s in “stars” or some other replacement for plain numbers) for their reviews?
such a mark can be useful to readers who can’t be arsed to do proper research (like reading the whole review, trying the item/software for themselves etc.) but, then again, if they can’t be arsed to check something out before they buy it, doesn’t that effectively make it an impulse buy? if so, surely a mark is hardly going to sway them one way or the other.

• Eric Olsen

I agree with Jadester et al: this one is not only funny but insightful in that “pick something common up, tilt it a bit and describe what you see” mode of observation. Great job, thanks!

You get a 9 for content, a 0 for Amazon product placement.

• haha! Thanks.

I know, I totally apologize for being the worst blogcritic in terms of Amazon product placement. I will do my best to try to come up with something funny about a plasma TV or an iPod.

• I vote for the DVD of “This is Spinal Tap” as the Amazon produce. Unless they sell Marshall amps that go up to 11.

• JR

They do sell scales.

• boomcrashbaby

in10sity, have you ever tried to get in the last comic standing house? If you did, you could mention blogcritics there and probably be forgiven for your lack of links.

• Nope, I haven’t. I think one of the requirements for the show is that the person has actually, ya know… performed comedy. But this is a good idea.

If I ever do, I’ll be the guy they introduce as “You may have seen this next guy in the Et Cetera category of blogcritics.”

I’ll be the one in the blogcritics shirt constantly reminding the other comedians how fast the comments now post.

• Eric Olsen

you’re a funny guy

• i am obviously in the minority here, but i don’t find this at all funny. i know he is taking what is supposed to be a comical position here, but it sounds to me like an ode to conformity.

nothing personal, in10s; you may end up being a successful comic, and i hope you do. but mileage varies, and different people find different things funny.

• Duane

I’ll give your article a score of square root of 67, which is a good score, though irrational. I will give Natalie’s comment a pi, which is somewhat low, yet transcendental.

• I didn’t think it was funny either, but I was being polite in my silence. In fact, I didn’t even know it was a joke until that “I want to be a comedian” thing at the bottom.

That is all.

Duane, low score or not, any time is a good time for pi.

• Duane

Natalie, pi sounds really good right about now, but I’m watching my circumference to diameter ratio. I’ll just have to settle for low-fat frozen yogurt.

• Believe me, I know of what you speak. I am trying to retain my girlish figure — all I can afford right about now is negative pi.

• Thanks for the score of the square root of 67, Duane. I’ve always strived for it.

Ah, it’s fine Natalie. I am fully aware that some people find some things funny, and some will find those same things unfunny. As someone who would like to one day do something in the world of comedy, this is really the #1 thing I should know. Ok, #2. #1 is “how to be funny.” There are people who don’t think Seinfeld was funny (the man or the show). There are people who could go out and see comedians like Steven Wright or Mitch Hedberg, and just “not get them.” Other people will think these same guys are geniuses. For the record, please realize that I am not comparing myself to these guys. We all I am way better. It just wouldn’t be fair. Thanks for still wishing me comedy success, even though you don’t find me at all comedic. =]

Bob, no need for silence. If I write something that is supposed to be funny, and you don’t think it is, please tell me. If you can do it in a somewhat polite, helpful way, that’d be great. My goal is to learn. If not, a simple “you suck” will have to do.

• Way better than Steven Wright Or Mitch Hedberg? Now, that’s funny.

• Booey Out! is just funny, although it’s not as funny since that American Idol guy doesn’t post anymore.

• Eric Olsen

Openly declaring yourself as trying to be funny is very brave and difficult – 10 should be commended.

I sneak around in stealth-humor mode.

• Thanks Eric.