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Quinn, Not Frye, Is The Futurama Of The Browns

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Batman used to “team-up” with a different superhero each week to defeat the bad guy in my favorite comic book as a kid: The Brave and The Bold.

Last Saturday, Charlie Frye and Brady Quinn (and the rest of the Cleveland Browns) “teamed-up” to defeat the equally super Jay Cutler (and his Denver Broncos), 17-16, in the third game of the Brownie’s puzzling preseason.

Browns general manager Phil Savage, however, declined to play the role of “The Riddler” as he announced after the game that Brady Quinn would not (in any way, shape or buzz-cut form) be named the starter for the season opener against the Pittsburgh Steelers. Puzzling indeed.

Not so much that rookie quarterback Quinn is not-quite-ready-for-prime-time against the Steelers: That’s an NFL given. But, off in the shadows, the question remains: What will become of Charlie Frye and Derek Anderson?

No doubt, Frye finally awoke from his 31st century “slumber” last night and began to look more like a “starting quarterback” – instead of a “pizza delivery guy” – for these 2007 Cleveland Browns.

But rumors are beginning to swirl around by Cleveland Browns Stadium down on the lakefront (and I’m not talking about “Bessie” – the mythical Lake Erie version of the Loch Ness monster – who eats drunken boaters and sexy co-eds for lunch) that a not-so-new-kid… is on the block.

The rumor swirling around here in C-Town is that the Browns are interested in trading one of their quarterbacks – whether it be Derek Anderson or Charlie Frye – to any and all interested parties. It sounds like one will rock… and one will roll.

If this is indeed true, Derek Anderson will surely fetch nothing more than “a can of corn and a Cory Snyder rookie card.” Anderson has a cannon for an arm but “misses the mark” more times than Joe Theismann as guest-speaker on "career day" – In other words, he's above-average backup QB material, at best.

Now, on the other hand, Charlie Frye has enough unproven upside intrigue that he might snag some interest from teams like, say, The Jacksonville Jaguars?

But, according to my calculations currently being spit out by my Bat-computer under stately Wayne manor, I hardly think the Cleveland Browns are willing to start the season with Derek Anderson taking the snap under center, do you, old chum?

So (barring any unforeseen shake-ups), that makes Charlie Frye our starting quarterback at the beginning of the season – and Brady Quinn standing on the sidelines (for now) – until Frye stumbles (or fumbles) the job away.

Regardless, the Cleveland Browns are finally starting to show some cohesive signs of life: Jamal Lewis is running like a rhino across the field and the defense (and special teams units) are quickly turning some hesitant heads in the NFL.

But hold on, there's more!  In the bonus round, I truly believe wide receiver Braylon Edwards is going to have a breakout season for the Browns, no matter who is throwing to him. But, hey, that’s just me: Mr. Vegas.

So why the rest of the national media nitwits are busy mediating their soap opera known only as the New York Giants, the Cleveland Browns are busy building a contender (without any “Luke and Laura theatrics,” or Eli Manning seeking to foil “The Ice Princess” …also known as Tiki Barber).

Hey, the Cleveland Indians may even knock off the New York Yankees in the meantime, too – How sweet would that be here in Browns Town!

But let’s follow the yellow brick road back to “The Dawg Pound” for a moment: The Cleveland Browns have some powerful pieces in place to fight their feeble future in the ferocious AFC North division: Brady Quinn, Joe Thomas, Braylon Edwards, Kamerion Wimbley and Kellen Winslow Jr. – just to name a few, folks.

So can the Cleveland Browns achieve a respectable record of 8-8 this season (Don't snicker!) – or will I be bleeding brown and orange (again) from my favorite sports bar?

I can almost hear Tony Kornheiser's floating head (in a jar) now: "Don't count on it, champ!"

Whatever the case, it’s time for head coach Romeo Crennel to step up to the plate, as well, and start delivering the so-called goods – otherwise, he might be holding the clipboard for head coach Charlie Weis in the not-so-distant future.

"Here we go Brownies, here we go…"

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About Chris McVetta

Chris McVetta is a writer and comedian from Cleveland, Ohio. He is a graduate from Cleveland State University and an alumni of The Second City comedy writing program. His first job in journalism was as an Editorial Assistant working with Harvey Pekar ("American Splendor") at The Free Times. Most recently, his was invited to speak at the Ray Browne conference on Pop Culture at Bowling Green State University.
  • Bender

    Looks like the Brownies sent Frye’s head to Seattle via Federal Express..