Quick and Dirty Guide to the First Four Hours in 24.
(Or Maybe I’ll Just Call This, “20”)
First off, there are some basic tenets of 24 that we must remember.
1. Chloe kicks ass.
2. Characters must make wise wardrobe choices at the outset, because they will be wearing those clothes for the next 24 hours, not to mention all the television ads and ‘next week on 24’, and ‘last week on 24’.
3. Not a lot of smiling.
4. Jack Bauer is never, ever, ever wrong.
5. The CTU telephones DO sound just like the ones in your office – and yes, it gets annoying.
6. Helicopters are always around when you need one!
Here we go.
Jack has been somehow making a living drilling oil or something. I guess that’s why our gas prices rose so dramatically these last 18 months. You gotta pay a guy like Jack a lil more than SAG union scale. He’s been living with Michael J. Fox’s bureaucrat ex-girlfriend, Nikki – oh wait, she’s now Diane. And Jack is Frank. Oh cripes, this is getting to be like an Oscar Wilde thing. I surely hope Michael J. Fox doesn’t grab up a hockey stick and go all Bash Brothers on Jack’s ass.
So now that I’ve totally lost you –
So, Jack/Frank has been living with Nikki/Diane, and her son Derek. Something about Derek is SO familiar, but I can’t place it. OK, I guess Jack doesn’t exactly live with them, he just rents a room or something. Besides drilling oil, he’s been doing the handyman thing. Swell.
Former President Palmer gets Shot! I guess Dennis Quaid just doesn’t have a sense of humor. Oh, wait, that was the wrong character. Palmer wasn’t being shot for bedding Julianne Moore; he was being shot for…what? Oh wait, we don’t know that yet. OK, let’s think about this.
Reasons to Kill Palmer:
1. Wardrobe not good enough to sustain 24 hours of emoting.
2. The Pats lost.
3. He knows dirty secret things that he’s just dying to share with…Martha?
Poor ole First Lady Martha (Jean Smart) is getting a notion that something is rotten in the state of California, but why oh why, did Palmer think that cryptic phone calls to her was the way to go?
I had just about finished complimenting Michelle Dessler (Reiko Aylesworth) on her wardrobe choice, a cute red tank top and slacks, when Ka-bam! She’s history! I guess cute clothes won’t save your life. Pity.
So, we can safely assume that Derek and Chloe were separated at birth?
Fun Facts: The name Jack Bauer has a long and noble history. A character in The Guiding Light played by Alan North was named Jack Bauer. There was also a Jack Bauer portrayed by Stephen Baldwin in 2001’s Zebra Lounge. This Jack Bauer was a swinger. Also, Robert Ulrich had a crack at the name in TV’s And Then She Was Gone. He got mixed up in a child kidnapping case. Whew!
OK, back to the show.
Samwise saves the day! Sean Astin, in recent times best known as lovable and loyal Samwise Gamgee from the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, debuted as Lynn McGill. Sam/Lynn is a Very Big Deal From Division and is already in the process of usurping Bill Buchanan as CTU chief. Of course, maybe Buchanan should be ousted, anyone who doesn’t know what a “Flank II” position is – I mean, seriously. Sam/Lynn doesn’t know what he’s in for, being stuck there at CTU for the next 20 hours. He probably wishes he tucked along a ‘second breakfast’, but at least he’s wearing a nice Dolce & Gabbana suit.
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