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Q: How Much Wood Would A Woodchuck Chuck If A Woodchuck Could Chuck Wood?

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A: While it makes for a great tongue-twister, the sad answer is: probably none. Woodchucks aren’t particularly tree-oriented, and while they can climb to find food, they prefer being on the ground. In fact, they got the name “woodchuck” from British trappers who couldn’t quite wrap their tongues around the Cree Indian name “wuhak.”

More commonly (and accurately) known as groundhogs, these animals are closely related to squirrels, marmots, and prairie dogs, with which they share an affinity for burrowing. And actually, a burrowing woodchuck can chuck dirt, in the form of tunnels that can reach five feet deep and as much as 35 feet in length.

So, based on that number, New York State wildlife expert Richard Thomas calculated that if a woodchuck could chuck wood, he could chuck as much as 700 pounds of the stuff.

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  • As I’ve always said, the woodchuck hypothetical would be much more fun were the bird a peacock instead.

  • Dawn

    Matt, I swear, if only you were as funny as your comments. Badang.

    I think the word marmot sounds funny.

    We used to call those things Sasquatch in my neck of the woods. Though I am not really sure why.

  • Clavos

    So, based on that number, New York State wildlife expert Richard Thomas calculated that if a woodchuck could chuck wood, he could chuck as much as 700 pounds of the stuff.

    The burning question is:

    Where would he chuck it? ‘Cause you sure don’t want to be standing there when he starts!

  • Clavos, you must be interested in lycanthropy. Where would a werewoodchuck chuck wood?

  • Clavos


    First, I had to look up lycanthropy.

    Now, after a lot of contemplation, I have to admit I don’t get it, Suss.



    If…uh uh.


    (shuffles away, scratching head in befuddlement)

  • Ruvy in Jerusalem

    How much pee could a peacock pee if a peacock’s cock could pee?

    You wouldn’t get very far with the teachers of the juvenile set with that one, Matt.

    Especially after the first bright lad brought up the fact that the peacock’s cock DOES pee and propsed measuring the number of milliliters… You’d have to toss a shillin’ to him for his smarts, and smack him one for his cheek, and do it all with a straight face.

  • Nancy

    The ‘woodchuck chucking wood’ thing is even funnier in German; wie viel wald soll ein waldchuck chuck wie ein waldchuck chucken wald…? Ein waldchuck chucken wie viele er kanst chuck, wie ein waldchuck chucken wald.

    I THINK that’s how it went, but my Deutsch is extremely uncertain. Corrections will be welcome, if any.

  • MAOZ

    Well, I suppose we should be glad he’s woodchucking and not upchucking!

  • Clavos


  • Dylan


  • a weird person

    ahhhhhhh everyone here is a hypothetical pikle on crack

  • The Grammar Police

    @ a weird person – You can spell hypothetical, but you can’t spell pickle? Even when there’s a spell check? And, would it kill you to use proper capitalization?

  • Boo Radley

    My own favorite variation, appropriate to the season (at least here in the Midwest): How much wind could a windbreaker break if a windbreaker could break wind?

  • Another Wierd Person

    What…is wrong…with my brain…it’s slowly rotting! Oh, I know! Stop reading these wierd comments…but for some strange reason, I can’t…Must Keep Reading…

  • Passing Through

    To answer the question, “How much wood would a woodchuck chuck…”

    There is already an answer,
    “A woodchuck would chuck as much as he could, if a woodchuck COULD chuck wood.”

  • don

    He chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could if a woodchuck could chuck wood-(

  • Kacinator

    How much pee could a peacock cock, if a peacock could cock pee?

  • bob marley followeerrr

    how much marley can bob marley marley if marley can marley marleyy?

  • Lon

    I knew this riddle 70 years ago. The fun was in the homophones, wood and would. People have messed it up by changing would to could.

  • boo gold

    OVER 9000!!!!!

  • Kevin

    This thread was funny at the start, but then it started taking arrows to the knee. Example: this very comment. Also the one with Bob Marley.

  • pie guy

    42 cords of wood

  • Tobuscus

    A woodchuck couldchuck no amount of wood since a woodchuck can’t chuck wood, but if a woodchuck could chuck and would chuck some ammount of wood how much wood suold a woodchuck chuck but even if a woodchuck could chuck wood and even if a woodchuck would chuck wood should a woodchuck chuck wood, in fact a woodchuck should chuck wood if a woodchuck chuck wood, as long as a wood chuck would chuck wood. so as muck as you stuff into it i guess,

  • nothing

    You are all wrong. A woodchuck could chuck as much as it wanted to.

  • childhood

    aaaaand its gone.

  • TC

    Wow! Now figure out how to get us out of the debt the present President is putting us in ?????????!

    Because that’s what I want to know!!!!!!

  • Siri

    42 quarts of wood, of course

  • KIT…..

    NONOONONONO i should be 34 just because lol idk bc it kinda goes lol

  • lol


  • Vishma

    Excuse me? This is a very stupid thing to say! Good Day! Ma’dam!