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Q: How Did Columbus Die?

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A: It’s been reported –- and we paraphrase — that in 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue, got off the Santa with part of his crew, stepped on the island to get something new, and –- hurray! -– it was syphilis, which his men brought back to Europe and introduced to a new population, enabling the disease to quickly turn into an epidemic.

But did Columbus himself die from syphilis also? It’s difficult to say. In 1504, when the explorer returned from his third voyage west, he didn’t look so hot. He was partially paralyzed, suffering edema, and mentally deranged.

These symptoms could’ve been brought on by syphilis, but they could’ve also been related to typhus or rheumatic fever. It’s impossible to know for sure without examining Columbus’s bones; but for now we’ll just have to refrain from throwing around the nickname “Syphilis Chris” – kind of catchy, right? (Just like the syphilis.)

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  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    I was wrong.

    I had “turnovers and injuring Ted Ginn”

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIMW5iYFGhM D’oh

    I had “lack of breath”.

  • Mr. Fatima

    I sailed with Chris. He died of a condition known as gigantis hemoridest. When we reached the islands of tufucockauteabora the local tufococko natives helped Chris because their population was suffering the same ailment. Most of the tufococko tribes members had hemroids the size of coconuts. Thats when Chris and me started fishing. Old Chris would sort of waddle on the sand and then cast into the surf with his new Zebco fishing real and rod. That day of fishing ended when the local large apes on the island which ate only coconuts saw Cris. Well thats it in a nutshell folks. Now you know the rest of the story.

  • ProfEssays

    The most suitable topic for a book about Columbus.

  • Anita

    my friend said the native hawien people killed him

  • Dr Dreadful

    No, that was Captain Cook.

  • STM

    Lol. Mind you, I’d reckon Captain Cook’s crew weren’t averse to a bit of disease-ridden hanky-panky.

  • Dr Dreadful

    As I recall, Cook’s crew introduced smallpox into the Hawaiian population, which caused them a bit of bother.

    The coincidence of Cook’s arrival and the epidemic can’t have been lost on them, which may go some way to explaining why they proceeded to turn him into sushi.

    Still, at least he ensured they got a nice flag.

  • Dr Dreadful

    And as for how Columbus died, well, I theorize that he very unimaginatively followed the precedent set by billions of his forebears and suffered rapid cell death after his heart ceased circulating nutrients to his body tissues.

  • STM

    DD: “Still, at least he ensured they got a nice flag.”

    Will we never give up on this Doc?

    Hope not :)

  • columbus

    how did he die

  • Lola

    i am doing a research project for school and if you could put on this website how he died, that would be very nice. thank you!!!
    =D

  • samuel welsh

    the natives should have killed columbus
    he was a racist dirtbag.