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PSN Review: Jurassic Park – The Game, Episodes 3 & 4

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Once more, I dive into the bottomless depths of “ew” that Jurassic Park: The Game has to offer. And, since my profound sense of bête-noir for this particular title didn’t lighten up over Episodes 1 and 2, I figured I’d just combine parts 3 and 4 together into this final review. We begin with “The Depths,” the junior chapter of Telltale Games’ missed opportunity to bring the famous feature film to interactive life. The story opens with our main heroes — park vet Gerry Harding and his daughter, along with scientist Dr. Sorkin — trapped atop of a water tower with some hungry, hungry raptors below.

Elsewhere on the island, mercenaries Yoder and Oscar have escaped the fiery doom of a crashing helicopter after that Nima chick tried to steal it. Yup: shit creek all the way for all parties (including the gamers). And — contrary to the words of the great Howard Jones — things don’t get any better here, and it isn’t long before Yoder discovers the secret within the sacred Barbasol can. He also discovers what became of his missing pilot (the adroitly nicknamed D-Caf) when they find the nest of a relatively new (franchise-wise) dinosaur species, which takes us to the last entry in Jurassic Park: The Game, “The Survivors.”

No, Robin Williams and Walter Matthau are nowhere to be found in the concluding part of the saga (which is a pity, needless to say) — but there is some heavy exposition on why Nima is so angered by the dangerous attempt at commercialization of Isla Nubar (cue the “green” message). There are also several more human meals for the dinos, as well as a trip to the park’s underwater aquarium, which provides an exit strategy for the folks that make it to the last stage here (both onscreen and on the couch).

We even get that familiar (relatively) happy ending and the moral message that greed will not get you anywhere — a fine point indeed, considering how Jurassic Park: The Game turned out.

Jurassic Park: The Game is rated T (Teen) by the ESRB for Blood, Mild Language, Mild Suggestive Themes, Use of Tobacco, Violence. This game can also be found on: PC, Xbox 360, iPad, Macintosh.

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About Luigi Bastardo

Luigi Bastardo is the disgruntled alter-ego of a thirtysomething lad from Northern California who has watched so many weird movies since the tender age of 3 that a conventional life is out of the question. He currently lives in Chico, CA with four cats named Groucho, Harpo, Chico, and Margaret. Seriously.