Hi everyone. We're here with an exclusive "interview" with Ruff Trigger, star of a new video game on the Playstation 2. This is Trigger's first attempt at starring in a video game, and many of the critics haven't been so kind. We've decided to sit down with the furry star and get his reaction.
Hi Ruff, great to have you here.
Yeah, thanks for having me. I'm excited to have a chance to speak out.
Let's get right into it. You've been criticized for being nothing more than a clone of Ratchet and Clank. How do you respond?
Well, it's simple really. See, Ratchet and Clank was actually based on a true story from my world. The developers heard about it and decided to make it into a game.
And you expect someone to believe that, huh?
It's better than anything the guys in marketing dreamed up.
Okay, moving on to something believable, what is it about the game you feel will make players enjoy the experience?
Obviously, the $20 price tag is enticing.
Well, of course, but why not buy Ratchet and Clank for the same price?
Because I'm the original and they're the knock-off.
You're going to stand by that, aren't you?
It's all I've got.
So, what about your targeting system? It's almost impossible to shoot anything if you're trapped by multiple enemies, and the lock-on control scheme is touchy at best.
Yeah, we knew that would be a problem. See, the suit I'm wearing in the game prevents… actually, you know what? It's just an awful system. I can't actually defend it.
Wow Ruff, I really wasn't expecting that from you. I mean, won't you get in…
Stop right there. I think this would be a good time to make a confession, too.
That the camera system in your game is awful, even worse than the targeting?
No, nothing like that. I have an addiction.
That's brave of you to come out like this. What's the problem? Drugs? Alcohol? Watching too many animated movies from the '80s?
No, it's worse. I have an addition to bright shiny objects. I feel the need to collect them wherever I go. I even think that if I collect 100 of them, I get an extra life. It's a problem for a lot of us video game mascots.
Yeah, this is reflected in the game, too. Is it some sort of message?
You got it. I was hoping my buddies Sonic and Mario would hopefully own up to their problems as well. It's not our fault entirely though. People are cruel. They hide these things everywhere. It makes it harder to stop.
Wow. That's powerful stuff, Ruff. So, back on topic, what's this "Vanocore Conspiracy" in the game's title?
Actually, I'm not sure. It's there to give me an excuse to show off my double jumping abilities.
Did Ratchet and the crew teach you that move?
Yeah. It helps make it across large chasms. It's a good thing they're always the right length so I can make it to the next one too. A little further apart and I'd never make it.
Now, one of your abilities is to upgrade your weapons. I guess the question on everyone's mind is, if you're trying to save the entire planet, wouldn't the gun makers help you out a bit?
You would think that, given that their entire business model rests on keeping us alive. But still, it's easy enough to upgrade, and a few logic gaps are minor in the end.
You're right, I guess. The real problem most of the critics had with the game was that it didn't have any original ideas at all. I mean, every aspect of gameplay has been done somewhere else by another company, and usually better. That's a lead-in to the final question: Why would anyone buy your game?
Because I've suffered long and hard to get where I am. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get through life with a name like Ruff?
Pretty brutal, I suppose. Probably a lot like looking at your game and having a difficult time distinguishing it from a first generation Playstation 2 title…
That would be about right.
That said, any final thoughts for our readers who probably gave up four questions ago?
Um, I guess I could go through the whole spiel about "buy my game" or "in stores now," but they probably know that huh?
More than likely, yes.
In that case, I'd like them to play the game with an open mind, and not make comparisons. Doing so will only cause them to feel ripped off because they could be playing something far better than this.
Ruff Trigger is rated E10+ (Everyone 10 and older) by the ESRB for Cartoon Violence, Mild Language, Tobacco Reference.