Who knew the hullabaloo that would arise from the new TSA screening measures now being instituted in airports all across the land? Didn’t homeland security perform a “worst case scenario” before plunging forward with such a radical system? Really. If the government is so omnipotent and smart, it would have realized that the so-called unwashed masses (and those who have bathed) would balk at such an intrusive procedure.
It’s not just the body scanners, able to see through your clothes to the point of being able to make out not only genitalia, but scars, beads of sweat, camel toes, muffin top,s and junk in the front and the trunk. It’s not just the concerns about excessive radiation. More and more, reports are surfacing regarding highly aggressive “pat downs” of those who opt out of the body screening machine. These searches are much like the ones given to criminals headed for the slammer and include the intimate investigation of private parts that border on fourth degree criminal sexual conduct.
What a great job the casual TSA employee making enhanced minimum wage now has! Not only can they get their jollies from seeing a parade of naked bodies (and cancel those expensive subscriptions to Playboy, Hustler, and Maxim), they can actually touch the sexual body parts of anyone they want, and get away with it! (Can you say “Squee!”?) This leaves the weary traveler — who already is having the same good time as a truckload of cattle headed to the stockyard — to make a choice: Give up your personal freedom or drive to your final destination.
But wait! The people are in minor revolt. A new rallying cry can be heard from those under assault and it’s as plain as this: Don’t touch my junk!
I am assuming all of this new technology is to combat any attempts to bring down airplanes with hidden box cutters or bombs. For this, I am thankful. I would gladly give up a few rights to make certain my airplane won’t explode due to a hidden incendiary device. I recently went through a body scanner at Detroit Metro Airport (north terminal), AND was patted down on the behind because the screener thought I had something in my back pocket. I was wearing a new pair of pants, I might add, that I didn’t have time to open the pockets with my seam ripper, so no, there was nothing in my back pocket. I just lurved getting my considerably tiny and flat, old-aged bootie patted down by a manly woman. Never mind that I had gotten through metal detectors with my cell phone in my pocket on other occasions.
Come to find out later, the body scanners cannot detect the presence of plastic explosives, similar to the kind used by the “crotch” bomber last Christmas, inside the body. And, if a really stealthy terrorist has half a brain cell, he/she can hide the plastic where the sun never shines. Airport X-ray machines can see into your clothes, but not into your body cavities.
All of this is done to avoid the dreaded “P” word: profiling.
In this politically correct environment, God forbid anyone actually performs a time-tested method (see Israel) to determine whether or not a person would be a risk to the traveling public. I like the Israeli way: question a person by looking them in the eye to gauge their reactions by the amount of sweat and nervousness exhibited. Look at the person’s flying habits and see how many trips they’ve taken to terror hotspots or how many one-way tickets they’ve purchased.
The insanity at our airports has gone on long enough. I say, profile away.
As a frequently flying traveler, I give myself up as the first to be racially profiled. My heritage includes Japanese, Greek, American Indian, Scottish, and French. So far, none of these ethnicities have blown up airplanes. I have determined in a recent poll of the other five of us with the same racial make up (my siblings) that self-implosion is the last thing on our minds and definitely off the radar for the Bucket List. The Federal government can rest easy and scratch all of us off.
But wait! We can profile the other way as well. Instead of racial profiling for those who might want to cause harm, profile for people who would never cause harm. For example, screaming babies are probably not worth performing a pat-down on. For one thing, they don’t like strangers touching them, especially surly, underpaid TSA workers with no sense of humor. Besides, you can determine just by smelling one that the only thing in their drawers is a dirty diaper. Why profile the parents of such travelers, when they are the ones with the diaper bag and butt wipes and are the only ones willing to rectify the situation?