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Product Review: Skullboy Figure by Dark Horse

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An inconspicuous brown package was waiting for me one day as I came home. The shipping address was from Dark Horse Comics. “Strange. I don’t remember ordering anything from them,” I thought to myself.

I set the package on the dining room table and opened it. I dug through the foam popcorn and found a blue box. I opened it, and a strange creature leaped out. Made of vinyl, he was a curious-looking little fellow, about six inches tall. What struck me at first glance was his large, smooth, bald white head. In fact, I daresay his skull was exposed. He was rather sharply dressed though, decked out in a dapper yellow suit and black bow tie with impeccable black shoes.

Arms akimbo, he surveyed his surroundings for a moment and then turned his gaze in my direction. With a cocked eyebrow, my visitor looked me up and down, as if he were determining whether or not I was worthy of being addressed.

“You there! What is your purpose? How do you serve me?” it demanded.

“And you are-?”

Skullboy“How DARE you not know who I am? I am Skullboy, and you owe me your allegiance! Where are my minions?”

“What minions?”

“Don’t toy with me! One of them is a soulless automaton made of cold steel. Its only driving force is the desire to crush and maim. The other half is a vicious beast! It moves quicker than the eye and has developed a taste for flesh and bone. Together we form The Mighty Skullboy Army!”

“Hey, wait a minute. You just read that off the comic from the back of the box you came in!” I protested.

“Um…so what if I did? They’re still my minions! Now, where are they?”

“I’ll get back to you on that,” I said, and went to my bedroom to call Dark Horse about my guest.

“Ah yes, Skullboy. Delightful, isn’t he?” said the cheerful voice at the other end. “He’s got a rather over-active imagination. He often tells wild stories to his classmates at his elementary school. Sometimes Skullboy can be a handful though, and his teacher has to send him to the principal’s office.”

“Skullboy mentioned something about minions.”

The voice laughed heartily. “Minions you say? Oh, heavens no. His closest friends are a toy robot and a monkey. They’re featured on the mini-comic that came with him. If you want more information, why don’t you check out his story?”

“Why did you send him to me?”

“We figured Skullboy might want a change of scenery. Besides, his teacher needed a break from him.”

When I returned to the dining room, I found Skullboy talking to my cat.

“Since my minions seem to be indisposed for the moment, you shall be my beast of carnage. Now, bring me some ice cream!”

My cat said nothing and continued to sniff Skullboy’s vinyl head. I have to admit, the little dude was growing on me. I picked up Skullboy from the table and headed for the bedroom.

“Where are you taking me?”

“You’re going to be staying with me for a while, Skullboy. I’ve got just the perfect place for you to rest your teeny little feet,” I said, as I set him down on my desk next to my monitor.

He looked at me and shrugged. “Very well. I will wait here until my friends — I mean, my minions — arrive.”

“You go do that, Skullboy. You go do that.”

If you want your very own cute and impudent little Skullboy, you can order one at Dark Horse Comics for $17.99.

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