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Prison Break Confidential – Week One and a Half

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Owned by Lilylis…

Everyone who is a fan of the show should read Lilyis' response to my first column on the ridiculously addictive Prison Break. She found several mistakes that I couldn’t make up for with my memory and Wikipedia.

My basic defense is that on a show where someone dies nearly every week, it’s damn hard to keep it all straight. You just have to let it go and feel comfortable that you sort of remember what happened and will someday have a reason to watch the repeats.

Here’s my best defense. I’ve seen every episode of Prison Break when they actually aired. Lilylis has a huge advantage on me, as she has obviously recently watched the DVDs all in one sitting. I did that with the first five seasons of 24, and I could tell you everything that happened in every year for about a month. I watched last season as it aired and now I barely remember what happened last year. I see reruns and I think to myself, is this the one with a nuclear bomb or a virus at the hotel or the season where Jack had a heroin addiction? Was it Ryan Chappelle who that terrorist made commit suicide or was he the guy who got exposed to radiation and flew that nuclear bomb into the Grand Canyon?

Part of the fun of the show is that so much absurd stuff happens every episode, you’d have to be a Dickens scholar to actually keep track without a diary. I’m going to try to be that diary from now on.

So let’s go down point by point so we can all ride into week two on the same page.

Nick Savrin was NOT killed by the Company, but by Abruzzi's mafia goons because he failed to bring Veronica to the airstrip.

100% accurate, but hell the Company would have just shot him eventually anyway.

Mahone did NOT kill Abruzzi, he never fired his gun. He was responsible for the setup of Abruzzi's capture. When Abruzzi refused to put down the gun, he was fired upon by FBI agents but not Mahone.

I’m going to try to parse this down as a technicality. Mahone set up Abruzzi to be shot by his agents. He didn’t pull the trigger, but he made it happen. If every one of those FBI guys had somehow missed with every single one of their point blank shots than Mahone would have had to do it himself. That would at least get partial credit on a high school test!

Charles Patoshik was NOT shot, but committed suicide when he jumped from the grain silo.

See, I don’t even know who that is! Oh, Haywire. Again Mahone’s job was to see that the escapees all wound up dead. He didn’t shoot Haywire, but again he would have if his psychological torture routine hadn’t have worked. Again he didn’t shoot him, but he caused it.

There was a resolution to the corrupt Reynold's presidency when she resigned in Season 2 before Lincoln was exonerated; wrapping up the story surrounding Lincoln's framing and ending the influence of the Company over the White House. So you see, fans were not really left hanging as to what happened to Reynolds.

See I totally forgot this. In my defense I might have been in the bathroom when that happened. You think they’d have made a bigger deal about a President resigning and Lincoln being exonerated, but on this show you just say wow and seconds later you are wondering whether T-Bag’s hand will come off again. Oh here’s another death, Brad Bellick’s prison guard bounty hunter partner, who T-Bag took out in the classy hotel, after he’d gotten hold of D.B. Cooper’s five million dollars and celebrated with I think more than one hooker! See, it’s a really complicated show!

Mahone was 'blackmailed' by the Company which is what I think you intended to say rather than 'blackballed'.

No, I totally meant blackballed. His legal career is over! Okay, I meant blackmailed.

Maricruz was not left in a box?! Although she was put somewhere not yet revealed… and left with 3 weeks of food and water… not one day.

Three weeks? I could have sworn Sucre was running around like it was one day. Then again he’s a panicker. I may have to rewatch last year’s finale again. Okay, I should have done that before the last write up.

And, you fail to mention that the rumors of Sarah Wayne Callies leaving the show permanently after the birth of her baby have yet to be confirmed by either FOX or Callies herself, which is an important piece of info that was left out of your synopsis.

I read everything I could find on this. It all sounds very confusing, but it’s hard to not get the impression that she won’t be back. Maybe, she’s doing a Lena Olin from the Alias days.

I know, it seems petty to point these things out, but your review lacks credibility and makes me wonder if you really watch this show? And, if not how can you be giving a fair review?

I like to call them commentaries more than reviews. I love the show so far, but I have a feeling it may be about to go off the track. As for being fair, I can’t be. I’m a fan, but most critics actually only watch a couple episodes, maybe even only one before making a decision. As if it wasn’t possible for a pilot to be weak, but the show turn out great.

So please forgive my less than perfect memory. I assure you that I’m much better seconds after I’ve seen the episodes, and thank you for correcting me. Keep me honest, because with this show things get so confusing that you have to make guesses as to what’s happened until it’s confirmed weeks later.

One more thing though. Lincoln got Michael a transfer from the worst prison known to mankind since they put people on torture racks. Michael’s now going to have to say “No thank you. That’s okay, I’ll just stay here where there is no food and people get beaten to death every day. I know there are no huge mud puddles at the other prison but I’d like to stay here with the guy who shot my father, a prison guard from Fox River who hates me, and that psycho child molester who calls me 'pretty' and only has one hand left.”

That’s why I love this show!

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About keithcrime

  • Bad

    Use to like the show season 3 is a total disappointment even from the start it’s not going to get better.The ratings are showing it people are not watching this mess all over the place of a show.They have added new people who look so boring and they have taken out the good characters just so dumb!

  • Brian

    Yeah, Lily doesn’t have a life, she spends all day on the PB forum so she’s got time. Most of us live in the real world where we actually get out of the house and correspond with real people, not the fictional kind.