White House Takes on Moses

White House press secretary, Scott McClellan, recently stepped up the administration's efforts to get Moses to retract two unconfirmed commandments that have caused the deaths of millions of people over thousands of years of history.

Though Moses first defiantly stood by his single unconfirmed source, said to be a high level official responsible for all the laws of nature except for the theory of evolution, he has since admitted that he only saw his source on top of Mount Sinai and the whole time the source was covered in a cloud of smoke.

"God had been a very reliable source in the past, except that time he sent Gabriel to tell Abraham to kill Isaac," said Aaron, a spokesman for Mosaic which, like Al Gore, claims to have helped create the World Wide Web.

Aaron then excused himself to lobby for an 11th commandment, "Thou shalt not spam or create adware. Thou shalt abandon Explorer and use Firefox or Opera."

"How credible is it when Moses himself admits to destroying his original set of tablets? It was obvious to anyone that the Times Roman font he used in the second set of tablets couldn't have existed in pre-Roman times," McLellan pointed out.

"In Moses time, you could get away with that, but now we have the internet to catch this kind of thing. It just shows how much humanity has morally advanced from Moses. Moses's time as a prophet who can be taken seriously is clearly past, " McLellan continued.

Moses's story, that God told him among other things that it was immoral to kill and bear false witness, has most recently set off a flurry of protests around the world against Bush administration policy. Two weeks ago, Moses released the following statement:

I know it was only a single source, but the source was God himself. I took notes of our conversation on two stone tablets. Before I came down from Mount Sinai with the tablets, I showed them to two high level Pentagon officials who looked over the story. One didn’t comment and the other commentted on a small point in the commandments about coveting another man’s house and manservant being a clear condemnation of homosexuality in the armed forces. I was extremely careful. Unfortunately, God now won’t come forward to confirm that he himself dictated the commandments.

There have been several reports about millions of other people including members of the Jewish faith who have also claimed to have taken the commandments seriously, including the authors of Deuteronomy.

Article Author: Chancelucky

Visit Chancelucky's author page — Chancelucky's Blog