It just shows you what good can come of having convivial relations with your neighbours. Unlike my predecessors who maintained a hostile attitude towards the American president, I'm sure this new spirit of accommodation on the part of my government will go a long way towards healing the rifts that may have developed between our two great nations.
It was in that spirit that I approved this raid without hesitation. It is time that Canadians shouldered more of their share in the War on Terror, and proved their willingness to lay down their lives for freedom just as our neighbours to the south have done.
I would like to take this moment to extend my condolences to those families who may have lost a loved one during this raid. The technology available to the American fighting forces is second to none, but even it's unable to guarantee the sanctity of life for those living in the vicinity of a bombing raid.
It is my intention to visit the site as soon as I've been advised that the area has been cleared of any potential hazards and is safe for civilians. I wouldn't want to interfere in the work of the military. Thank you very much"
Initial reports from the scene are sketchy because emergency crews have been unable to reach the site due to the intense heat of ongoing fires. They do know that the three- or four-block radius that was struck was primarily residential, and made up of families.
What strikes City of Toronto officials as especially odd is that Al Queada members picked a predominantly Jewish neighbourhood for their sleeper cell. All they can assume is that the members were working as domestics in the various households, because all the buildings in the area were high-end, single-family dwellings.
As the day progresses we hope to provide you with further details as they come available.
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Article comments
1 - RedTard
Interesting concept. It really put perspective on what we sometimes do in these things. For a small cell in a village it seems like an airdrop of special forces or paratroopers to secure the area would be preferable to just sending in a missile.
I don't know why we don't use that method, but I am not an expert in the area.
2 - Brian Sorrell
Very smart stuff. It's a joy to read *actual* satire these days. Please write more :)
3 - alpha
Thank you for your factual and unbiased reporting of our victorious actions against the minions of evil. We Americans are pleased that you have taken this vital action so well. You may be relieved to hear that the wall from Maine to Washington State will be begun shortly which will bring us even closer together as trade partners.
4 - Ashok Banker
Nicely done. Now all you have to do is watch for the inaudible hum of approaching stealth fighters over your neighbourhood...
5 - Aaman
Ashok,
I just read your story "In The Shadow Of Her Wings" - great stuff - and appropriate to this post, in a way:)