Two Original 'Deep Throat' Satire Pieces

NOTE: This whole Deep Throat thing made me want to write some satire on the issue. As always, laughing with the material is optional and laughing at the author is strongly recommended by society. — Suss

Man admits hiding correct Deep Throat identity guess for 20 years

Man claims he correctly guessed Deep Throat back in the late 80's, and confided this secret to Vanity Fair's August issue.

"I'm ... the man who guessed who Deep Throat was," the man, whose identity was to remain anonymous and wished to be referred to as "Debbie Does Dallas."

DDD did not divulge the complete logic behind his pick, but knew it wasn't Nixon or any of his aides. He knew it wasn't any other reporter, and most importantly he knew it wasn't himself.

"I remember writing in my journal on March 2, 1985, 'I think Mark Felt is Deep Throat'. Of course later on they kept talking about all those other guys like Henry Kissinger, George Bush and those other famous politicans, but I just kept on believing my guy was the man. And since he's 91, I thought he'd kick the bucket and I'd sell my journal on eBay and make a fortune. I guess I still could, so I don't know why I'm talking to you guys. Um ... I gotta find the Internet."

He promptly left the interviewing room for "undisclosed future financial reasons."

Not many people believed Felt was Deep Throat. The few who have publicly said they knew it was Felt all along are also behind claims of ownership to rare but impossible artifacts as a gold coin dated 53 B.C., sketches by Leonardo da Vinci depicting a Segway and Joan of Arc's e-mail address.

Typo accidentally gives Felt second-most RBIs in major league history

A blogger writing about the Mark Felt's admission to being the secret identity Deep Throat accidently misspelled FBI, calling it RBI.

Article Author: Matthew T. Sussman

Sussman is the founder and former editor of Blogcritics Sports. Twitter: @suss2hyphens

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