WASHINGTON D.C. (PoopyCaca.com) – Faced with a U.S. District Court order to name the companies that sought favorable legislation in exchange for cash contributions, former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas), has proposed a novel means of disclosure – a race car driver’s jumpsuit.
Just as he was able to diffuse the impact of having his mug shot taken by wearing a suit and tie and smiling for his booking photo, DeLay will soften the blow of his outing of major Republican contributors by donning a NASCAR-style suit bearing the names of the companies and individuals tied to the illegal donations.
And while he may be under indictment for illegally funneling campaign contributions to the Republican National Committee, the embattled DeLay will actually be able to turn the disclosure into a winning situation, said Roger Galsworthy, a Republican strategist working on DeLay’s behalf.
“This will not only satisfy the court order, but it also has great appeal to a key segment of American voters – the NASCAR dads,” Galsworthy said. “When those guys in the heartland see a man in a jumpsuit all covered with logos, they see a hero, doesn’t matter what he’s done. Hell, you put Hitler in a NASCAR outfit with a Valvoline logo on it, people would eat it up.”
Hitler in early days on NAZICAR circuit.
In a Capital Hill photo session, DeLay sported a jumpsuit bearing the logos of Dow Chemical Company, Cracker Barrel restaurants, tobacco giant Phillip Morris and other companies that allowed him to criss-cross the globe, tending to his multi-million dollar fundraising empire while flying on private jets, staying at exclusive $1,500-a-night resorts, playing top-notch golf courses, and eating the finest five-star dinners.
“He’s just a regular guy, like you and me – except that now he’s got Cracker Barrel on his crotch,” Galsworthy said.
Written by Dylan Jameson
Article comments
1 - Bliffle
I knew there was a sensible solution to these problems. thank you.