Tom Delay Brings Fingergate To The Floor of Congress

Fingergate keeps the nation transfixed.

Written by Joe Wilson

WASHINGTON D.C. (PoopyCaca.com) - A CNN/Gallup poll shows that the finger found in a bowl of Wendy's chili, or "Fingergate," as the incident has been nicknamed, is the number one concern of Americans over the election of the new Pope, the war in Iraq and Social Security reform.

After Anna Ayala, the woman who claimed that she found the finger in a bowl of Wendy's chili, dropped her lawsuit and it was proven that the finger was not that of Sandy Allman, the owner of several exotic animals who lost her fingertip in a leopard attack, the nation remains transfixed on the issue.

Congressman Tom Delay said, "We cannot create a culture of life if a human finger is found in a delicious bowl of Wendy's chili and still remains unaccounted for. That is not what I consider a Christian value."

Delay announcing his "Find the Finger"
legislation on the steps of the Capital.

Delay introduced legislation called the "Find The Finger," allotting $30 million in federal funds to "solve the mystery of the finger and return it to its rightful owner." Congress is expected to debate the legislation week and vote over the weekend, the second time this year that U.S. representatives have convened on a weekend in order to address an issue.

President Bush said that he would cut short his vacation at his Crawford ranch in order to consider "the needs of the citizens of this great nation," adding "finding this finger is hard work."

Many said that Delay's actions are in reaction to a leaked GOP memo, which called Fingergate "an opportunity to further the issues presented in the fight for Terri Schiavo."

House Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi of California claimed that Delay's introduction of "Find the Finger" was another example of the House majority leader working for special interest groups and not the American people. "A political action group that received millions from Wendy's gave Mr. Delay a lifetime supply of chili, along with his wife and daughter. This will not stand. I also don't like the ties he wears."

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Article Author: PoopyCaca

Joe Wilson is a comedian, writer, actor and private investigator based in Los Angeles.

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