The White House has taken heat for assigning czars to oversee many major issues. These official czars have proven to be largely ineffective. However the most effective czar in the White House does not officially exist. The job of this Hoodwink Czar involves invention of numbers and theories to tout imaginary success of policy, and offering platitudes to downplay failure. He's a magician who gets people to concentrate on his silver tongue so they don't pay attention to his hands. The czar's stage name is President Barack 'Hoodwink' Obama. 
His greatest acts of 2009 include:
Act I - Obamanomics is the real Freakonomics:
General understanding among economists is that redistributing tax revenue and destroying assets does not spur lasting growth. The czar showed his disdain for such nonsense through the Cash for Clunkers program. The idea was to help consumers exchange their old cars for new by setting arbitrary mileage rules and offering free money. To further aid growth, the perfectly working 'clunkers', i.e. assets, were destroyed, instead of reselling (to South American countries for example). Thus by simply advancing the transactions of consumers who would have bought a car anyway, Mr. Obama claims to have helped the economy and the auto industry.
Analysis of the program suggests that this scheme cost taxpayers over $20,000 per car sold and has raised used car prices. This means consumers who couldn’t afford new cars, now can't even afford used cars. Of course the czar has dismissed such reports and added Edmunds to his enemies list.
Act II - Economics can be injurious to health:
Economics dictates that if you increase demand and keep supply constant, the price should go up. Mr. Obama has decided to challenge the silly laws of supply and demand. He will raise demand for health care by bringing in millions of uninsured people into the system. Since this will not increase the supply of doctors, nurses, or hospitals, it should lead to higher prices and/or lower quality.
Obamanomics however, has a way (which only the czar knows) to reduce costs, increase quality, raise demand and keep supply constant. The plan is to reduce overall costs by taxing businesses and mandating people to buy a private good.
Constitutional implications aside, there are no details available to compare the inflow of revenue from the mandate and the cost of insuring millions. These details might make an appearance when the president comes on TV to force a jobless college graduate in Lexington to buy insurance so a former gang member in Chicago can get his knee replaced. My advice on further reducing costs: merge clinics and the DMV together.
Article comments
1 - Clavos
Excellent piece. Amusing, and chock full of facts.
2 - Dan(Miller)
We don't need no stinkin facts! We One!
Dan(Miller)
3 - Ruvy
Agreeing with Clavos above.
I see Mr. Krutic works for a bank. Could this have dictated the subject matter or much of this article?
4 - Dave Nalle
Ruvy, it certainly makes him somewhat more informed on these topics than the average blithering leftist.
Dave
5 - Ruvy
I was thinking more along the lines of his job security, Dave, but point taken.
6 - Krutic A
Ha! I'd have to agree with Dave.
Luckily I work for a British bank so I'm a little free of the tentacles of this administration. But not much.
7 - Christine
I like this article!
8 - Ruvy
Luckily I work for a British bank
Glad to hear it.
9 - Arch Conservative
Great article.
The course we're currently on will pretty much guarantee that eventually the United States will fail and the world will be plunged into a darkness and depravity we have not seen since the dark ages.
There is the distinct possibility, that since we possess weapons of such enourmous power, we will manage, in a very short time period, to make the world entirely uninhabitable for all forms of life.
Welcome to BC Krutic.
Smoke em if you got em!
10 - Ruvy
The course we're currently on will pretty much guarantee that eventually the United States will fail and the world will be plunged into a darkness and depravity we have not seen since the dark ages. There is the distinct possibility, that since we possess weapons of such enourmous power, we will manage, in a very short time period, to make the world entirely uninhabitable for all forms of life.
Bing, I'd say you are a man of little faith - but from your comments elsewhere, you indicate having no faith at all.
Have a little optimism, then. America is leading the world to a place where its depravity will be impossible to deny. That is not bad, that is good. It enables people to recognize (little as they might want to) truth, instead of lies. The first sign of recovery for a drunk, for example, is his ability to admit that alcohol controls him, not the other way round.
Going beyond this, though, there are two fundamental economic truths Americans need to recognize, absorb and understand.
1. You cannot get by in the world if you produce nothing.
2. You cannot print money with no backing.
Obama's disastrous policies will drill these points into Americans' psyches as nothing else will. A whole generation of surviving Americans will be fiscal conservatives of the crankiest kind (like me). That will lead to a healthy America - once the mess in the Middle East sorts itself out, once the swine flu, takes its toll, and the other disasters we are scheduled to face play themselves out.
Oh, by the way, if you do survive in this world-to-come, you will have faith. You will need it to survive.
Have a nice one,
Ruvy
11 - Arch Conservative
Forgive me Ruvy but my faith was dealt a crushing blow yesterday.
Perhaps some of it will be restored int he weeks to come.
12 - Krutic A
It seems the President can't even create jobs in his own administration. Although they might have 'saved' a lot of jobs. You never know.
Of course healthcare is the most important thing going on in the country today for this administration. It is ahead of the economy, Afghanistan and even the unemployment rate.
So important that they don't even have time to appoint administrators to run Medicare and Medicaid.
13 - Baritone
I think it's quite comical that all of Obama's critics are so eager to slap him upside the head, that they (you) have written his administration off before even one year has passed. You're all so wise.
All it amounts to is that now YOU are the whiners. The worm has turned. It was no fun when you all had to grin and bear your idiot president and ogre VP.
Now you get to go on the attack and you're just creaming your collective jeans. You're having so much fun. But, ultimately, those shit eating grins you wear as you plunk away on your computers ultimately leaves brown frown stains on your lips and that pesky crap taste in your mouths.
Your attitude towards Obama is chiefly tainted by your dislike of him on a personal level - even though you know nothing about him - Dave has refered to him as a "silver tongued devil." He denies that he ever characterized him as evil, but if a devil is not the personification of evil, what is? I guess if you figure he's the devil incarnate, he should have no trouble getting everything his way. But, alas, he is only human. But, he's sitting in the Oval Office. None of you naysayers are, nor, I'd judge, ever will be.
B
14 - Krutic A
#13
"Your attitude towards Obama is chiefly tainted by your dislike of him on a personal level - even though you know nothing about him "
I suppose I should be glad you didn't call me racist. Isnt that the MO of people like you? Dismiss intelligent policy based differences as racism?
And as for your colorful sentence that starts with "But Ultimately.."
I suppose we all can wait for that 'ultimately' time to come. When will it be? 2011? 2012? when is ok to criticize your messiah for not doing anything? Do let me know. I will wait patiently since I'm not in the Oval office and never will be. I was also planning to criticize Lovie Smith for being a jackass of a coach of the Chicago bears. But since i'll never be the coach of an NFL team, I should refrain from that too.
What about Paris Hilton? I'll never be a spoiled moronic with an inheritance either.
I stand corrected my friend! Should've realized we're in N Korea.
15 - Ruvy
All it amounts to is that now YOU are the whiners. The worm has turned. It was no fun when you all had to grin and bear your idiot president and ogre VP.
What worm, B.? I see gall and wormwood aplenty but the worm seems to have gotten away - maybe, it's all because I'm not one of the "oily boids" - even though, if you remember, B., I warned of an economic collapse in the States in 2006. Everything Bush did wrong, Obama has done even wronger.
16 - Baritone
Criticism is fine. But the kind of idiotic condescension I see repeated here ad nauseam is ludicrous. All of you arm chair quarterbacks believe you know and understand all when you have little access to anything by way of actual facts. Rather, you just regurgitate all the crap that you swallow from others who are likewise biased and uninformed.
"Isnt(sic)that the MO of people like you?"
People like me? And what kind of people would that be? Liberal? You bet. I made no racial references as I saw nothing here that warranted them. But, as you brought it up; if the shoe fits...
Obama is no messiah - not mine, nor anyone else's. But his is a a far surer hand at the controls than anyone coming from the right side of the aisle. Currently, Republicans are tripping all over each other in their quest to stand up and be counted among the truly and irrevocably brain dead.
It should be noted how well people managing mortgage portfolios have served us in recent years. Kudos!
B
17 - Dave Nalle
Dave has refered to him as a "silver tongued devil." He denies that he ever characterized him as evil, but if a devil is not the personification of evil, what is?
No, Bari. I have NOT referred to him as a "silver tongued devil" or any other kind of devil. You're confusing me with someone else. Not remembering having said it, I also checked on google and I've never used that phrase to refer to anyone, including Obama. Though you did try to claim I'd used it once before back in September. Try again.
Dave
18 - Clavos
But, he's sitting in the Oval Office. None of you naysayers are, nor, I'd judge, ever will be.
Meaningless and irrelevant.
19 - zingzing
"Economics dictates that if you increase demand and keep supply constant, the price should go up. Mr. Obama has decided to challenge the silly laws of supply and demand. He will raise demand for health care by bringing in millions of uninsured people into the system. Since this will not increase the supply of doctors, nurses, or hospitals, it should lead to higher prices and/or lower quality."
now i know you know we know you know that you're oversimplifying this. and i know you know that obama et al haven't overlooked a very basic idea underlying most economics. but why do you pretend that we don't know you know that they know and have thought about this?
i mean, it's something to point out a general flaw in an idea (one that all of europe, canada, etc, had to work around as well, i might add,) but one that seems kind of dumb to bring up when you know that that general flaw has been worked around before... shouldn't you take your vast economic knowledge and figure it out? or maybe you could ask them? how did all those other countries do it? and why does america spend more and cover less?
what do economics tell you about the current health care system in america? medical expenses is the largest cause of personal bankruptcy in america. failures in our health care system are one of the leading causes of suicide. you've got a lot of dead, broke and uninsured people to convince.
20 - zingzing
oh.
21 - zingzing
i see.
22 - Krutic A
Funny.
Maybe you're waiting for the 'Jobs summit' but I have a job and had to attend to that for a couple days.
Screwing people over isn't easy - as Baritone seems to think my job entails. Sorry Mr. Baritone, I tried to be a community organizer, tried to play the guitar and sing peace songs and even applied for a czar post. But finally I realized screwing people out of homes they never should've owned in the first place is much more rewarding.
As for #19: I'm sure they looked at basic economics principles but maybe they think if you put enough bells and whistles around basic principles to make them sound complex, people will lose sight of fundamentals.
Perhaps you know details of the plan of paying for the whichever bill finally comes out ('without adding a dime to the deficit' as the Pres likes to say).
I have no figures or details about what the mandate will bring in as opposed to how much it will cost to insure everyone. I'm pretty sure doctors and hospitals will not increase just because millions more have insurance all of a sudden. So the basic supply demand law tells me that price HAS to go up or quality has to go down. And yes, waiting in line for days to see a dentist counts as drop in quality.
No one is arguing that the healthcare system is messed up. I saw a doctor last month for 5 minutes and had a bill of $270. Its extortion. But that does not mean the government is my answer. I'd actually pay the $270 (as begrudgingly as it may be) than go to a DMV style clinic for 'treatment'.
And looking at it from a macro level, Healthcare is not exactly a priority for this country. People are homeless and jobless. That should have been the priority from day one. Instead now we see a plan to have a 'jobs summit', whatever that means.
Practically every resource in congress is dedicated to healthcare. People have survived for decades on the current system. One more year wouldn't change much.
Instead of dedicating everything to propping up the economy, the congress is discussing if people should be jailed when they refuse to buy a private good as mandated by Nancy Pelosi.
A year wasted, nothing achieved. It was a good magic show though.
23 - zingzing
"And yes, waiting in line for days to see a dentist counts as drop in quality."
over not going at all? you seem to be unconcerned with those that can't go.
"I'd actually pay the $270 (as begrudgingly as it may be) than go to a DMV style clinic for 'treatment'."
why?
"Funny.
Maybe you're waiting for the 'Jobs summit' but I have a job and had to attend to that for a couple days."
such anger. no offense, but you shouldn't be working all the time. i've got a job, but i ain't no slave. keeps me balanced.
"maybe they think if you put enough bells and whistles around basic principles to make them sound complex, people will lose sight of fundamentals."
or... maybe they tried to put together state-funded health insurance using the models and step-by-step instruction manuals that can be provided by numerous other nations.
look, i think it's far too simplistic to say that supply and demand is the major problem with this plan. maybe you should get down into the nitty gritty of it and actually figure it out. you're using a hammer when you need a calculator.
24 - Heloise
Having once worked in the health care industry and a candidate for med school I wrote a blog outlining that very thing--an important thing: if we do not increase the supply side of docs, nurses, clinics and the many other folks who can deliver health care without an MD or DO behind their name then we are spinning our health care wheels.
This country makes millionaires out of many docs. It is still the bastion of white, middle class men. If those economic facts don't change then we are headed for ballooning debt, worse health care, higher health care costs and providers making more money as well as the insurance folks.
If you can't kill the golden calf then milk the sucker for all it's worth. There won't be much left to suckle when the Tims and Toms get done.
Heloise
25 - Ruvy
they think if you put enough bells and whistles around basic principles to make them sound complex, people will lose sight of fundamentals."
...there are two fundamental economic truths Americans need to recognize, absorb and understand.
1. You cannot get by in the world if you produce nothing.
2. You cannot print money with no backing.
At this point in time, you cannot afford universal health care. A fundamental fact.
All the rest, and I do mean all the rest, is sound and fury, a bunch of bullshit that means nothing. And you are being hoodwinked if you think otherwise. A bum with a half a buck in his pocket cannot afford to walk in and order Armani suits - in fact, he can't even go into Target and get the cheap shit knock-offs. And you Americans with your trillion dollar debts are bums with a half a buck in your pocket.
When Obama was bowing to the Jap emperor, he was probably asking him if he had a spare billion yen or so - you know, pocket change....