When we last left our hero, he was standing on the body of his archenemy while shouting nonsense!
“So shall it be to everyone but my enemies!!” he cried. Before he could realize that he had actually done some work, a curious crowd of murmuring people started to gather around him, and the unconscious body he was standing on. What’s-his-name began to bask in the attention that was given him when he heard another evil saying nearby. “Holy in-,” and he quickly censored himself. “Oh no!” he cried. Then, faster than you could read Lord of the Rings aloud, from cover to cover (including the notes on the elvish language), he ran towards the evil sayings. He entered a nearby building and saw, to his disgust, a couple discussing marriage. “I most certainly thought we taxed that silly idea away! I must stop them!” What’s-his-name snuck up behind them and screamed, “Stop!!!” The couple was startled, and looked up at the super hero. “Don’t you realize what a stupendously silly idea that is?”
“What is?” said Aaron, looking up at What’s-his-name.
“Marriage, silly. It is an unneccessa-”
And before he could finish the sentence, Aaron said, “Actually, I think it’s a great idea!” Then, he got down on one knee, and pulling a ring out of his pocket, said, “Kari, would you marry me?” Kari became excited, and before she could shout, “It’s a ring!!!” What’s-his-name shouted, “Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!”
“No! She will not marry you! She knows better than that you infatuated bigot! How insensitive could you be!? Think of all the people with alternative and equally valid lifestyles you just offended around you!”
“Actually, I don’t think there are any in this place,” said a voice in the newly formed crowd behind him, “In case you did not notice, you are in a southern, conservative college campus.”
What’s-his-name gave a loud shout of despair. “I thought all of you were gotten rid of by the government controlled educational system!”
“Most of us were homeschooled.”
“Agh! None of you Communist fascist jerks know what is good for you! None of you!!! All of you need diversity training in front of a reconditioning unit!”
Article comments