Q: Who do you think is the best presidential candidate to fight global warming?
SBG: I really wish Al Gore was running. Have you seen his movie? That guy knows how to scare people into action. If only he had won in 2000, I’m sure global warming would be almost solved by now or at least by the time he left office. That man is in touch with his inner tree.
Q: What do you think is the best way to stop global warming?
SBG: I think the fact that the world cooled a little after the 1930s should tell us something. What was happened in the 1930s? The Great Depression. Massive unemployment may be bad for people’s egos, but it’s great for the planet. Just think of all the factories that weren’t spewing carbon-dioxide into the air or the cars that weren’t in operation. The environment was in much better shape then. So was humanity. They just didn’t know it.
Q: Do you really think that lowering people’s standard of living to Depression-era levels is the best way to stop global warming?
SBG: Well, it’s a start. But we need to go further. We should all live in self-sufficient communities. You know, ones where we grow our own food and make our own granola. Think about it. The majority of people who have been born on this planet lived without cars and electricity. Those are things we really don’t need and that keep us from being closer to nature and the true state of the planet. Most people don’t even know the Earth has a fever because they live in air-conditioned comfort.
Q: Thanks for your time today. Do you have any parting words of environmental wisdom you’d like to share?
SBG: Could you loan me a twenty? I have to pay for carbon offsets for driving my car across town to do this interview.
Article comments
1 - Baronius
Gore's inner tree - heehee!
2 - Dr Dreadful
So this is a satire of the straw man fallacy?
3 - RJ
EPIC article! :-)
4 - Bhuvan C Juyal
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5 - Boxorox
Recent research has revealed, though the cause remains unknown, that the worldwide "epidemic" of obesity has more to do with gravity fluctuations of the earth, rather than a true increase of body mass, as has previously been assumed. Studies conducted by MacDonalds, Pizza Hut, and Tasty Kake are making clear that increased mass of the planet itself rather than of its human inhabitants is the cause for what till now had been believed was a relentless increase in average bodyweight among adults and children around the world.