We’re here today with Sunny Brook Greentree, the all-wise and all-knowing environmental guru who answers questions about the state of our planet. Today we tackle the topic of global warming.
Q: With global warming being such a hot-button issue, the latest global temperature readings are usually big news. Why was it when NASA recently announced that the hottest year on record was 1934, not 1998 like many climatologists and global activists had thought, it wasn’t in front page news?
SBG: It’s really not important if the hottest year on record was 1934, 1998 or 1845. What’s important to remember is that our planet has a fever and we need to make it better.
Q: But we’ve been told that national temperatures are constantly inching their way up and the planet is this close to the point of no return. Don’t you think accurate temperature information is necessary to decide what, if anything, should be done to stop global warming?
SBG: Facts and rational thought are never the best way to solve a problem. The best solution is to act on our emotional impulses and worry about the consequences later. It’s like when I lobbied for government-mandated ethanol usage. Even though forests in Brazil are being destroyed at an accelerated rate so farmers can plant more crops for biofuels, I’m proud that I used all of my emotional energy to push for cleaner-burning gasoline.
Q: A researcher recently discovered a Page 2 headline from the November 2, 1922 edition of the Washington Post that stated: “Arctic Ocean Getting Warm; Seals Vanish and Icebergs Melt.” The article states that “great masses of ice have now been replaced by moraines of earth and stones,” and ”at many points well-known glaciers have entirely disappeared.” Do you think it’s a possibility that the current warming trend is simply a natural occurrence and not man made?
SBG: Do you know if anyone was able to save the seals? I hope so. If only the government had taken action to stop global warming 85 years ago, then Earth would now be like the Garden of Eden. There’d be no urban sprawl, cars or McMansions. But there would be plenty of seals.
Article comments
1 - Baronius
Gore's inner tree - heehee!
2 - Dr Dreadful
So this is a satire of the straw man fallacy?
3 - RJ
EPIC article! :-)
4 - Bhuvan C Juyal
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5 - Boxorox
Recent research has revealed, though the cause remains unknown, that the worldwide "epidemic" of obesity has more to do with gravity fluctuations of the earth, rather than a true increase of body mass, as has previously been assumed. Studies conducted by MacDonalds, Pizza Hut, and Tasty Kake are making clear that increased mass of the planet itself rather than of its human inhabitants is the cause for what till now had been believed was a relentless increase in average bodyweight among adults and children around the world.