South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford was already being talked about as a potential Republican Party standard-bearer in the 2012 election. Youthful, good-looking, a Southerner, and a Washington outsider, he seemed to have much of what the party needed to energize a comeback from the disappointments of the last two election cycles.
Now happy Party strategists are basking in an unexpected bonus. This week Sanford polished his virile image with an announcement that instead of hiking the Appalachian Trail as he'd told his staff, he'd actually been visiting his mistress, Maria, in exotic Argentina.
Right-wing blogs lit up with excited discussion of the Republicans' continuing good fortune. Only a week before, Nevada Senator John Ensign, another potential candidate, announced with a fanfare that he was quitting his go-nowhere, fourth-ranking Senate post in order to pursue a dalliance with a staff member, while retaining his Senate seat, where he will be ideally poised for a political leap.
Nevada has another rising star in Governor Jim Gibbons, who recently burnished his own already potent image with news of unbridled sexuality. Meanwhile, back in the Senate, David Vitter of Louisiana — not to be outdone — has been quietly talking up his own robust record of "very serious" whoring.
In a related development, a "Draft Craig" movement has gotten underway on the streets of Boise, attempting to lure former Idaho Senator Larry Craig back into politics. Craig did not run for re-election after being caught engaging in homosexual activity in an airport bathroom in 2007, but in the new political climate, according to RNC spokesman Rod Foray, "the gay thing is a plus now" — the sheer force of the former Senator's "omnivorous" appetites outweigh any lingering Republican discomfort with homosexuality.
Gearing up to meet the challenge, Democratic leaders announced the formation of a blue-ribbon panel headed by Bill Clinton, which will attempt to counter the onslaught of positive press for the Republicans. ("You can't buy that kind of publicity," said an unnamed staffer.) The Clinton Commission, which also includes former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey, and former Senator and presidential candidate Gary Hart, has announced plans for a European fact-finding mission.
The American statesmen will meet with French President Nicolas Sarkozy, Italian Premiere Silvio Berlusconi, and representatives of the British League of Autoerotic Asphyxiants.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - roger nowosielski
Posting in the Politics section, Jon. Good for you. Get ready for the static, though.
2 - roger nowosielski
Nice touch.
3 - Dave Nalle
I'm not sure this is satire. I'd like to see Republicans take more of this sort of attitude. Sanctimoniousness is going to leave the party without any leaders worth electing in 2012.
I mean look at the democrats. They can overlook affairs, gay prostitution rings and kiddie porn convictions if that's what it takes to keep their leaders active.
Dave
4 - Baronius
Senator Ensign was a party leader?
5 - Dr Dreadful
Well, he has been talked about as a potential 2012 White House candidate. Oh well. Perhaps he needs a promotion to Lieutenant first.
6 - Baronius
I never heard anyone talk about him, and I'm no stranger to political chat. I looked around online, and saw he was on a couple of liberal's Top Ten possibilities lists. No conservative or GOP writer mentioned him.
Remember how a couple of months ago, conservative radio was freaking out every time another "major" Obama appointment had a tax problem? They were assistant deputies to the farm bureau, but it sold more copy to portray them as key players. Same thing with Ensign.
7 - Baronius
Petraeus, Pawlenty, Huckabee, Gingrich, Sanford, Jindal, Palin, Crist, Paul, Cantor, and Romney are the most common names out there. Any senator or congressman could find himself on the list if he stakes out a good David and Goliath position, so I guess that Ensign could have made the list that way.
8 - El Bicho
Ensign was Chairman of the National Republican Senatorial Committee for 2008, which is a leadership position albeit not a glamorous one.
9 - Baronius
So he was the brains behind the 2008 electoral juggernaut? Oh, yeah, he had a big future.
10 - El Bicho
Right. Everyone digs holes in the boat, but it's the captain's fault it sunk. I don't think anyone could have saved the Republicans driving off the cliff in '08.
11 - Baronius
Politics isn't fair. The stink of failure follows you. A junior senator from a state with 5 electoral votes who lost at least 8 Senate seats wasn't about to win the GOP presidential nomination.
12 - Cindy
Stewart on Sanford: "Just another conservative mind with a liberal penis."
13 - Silas Kain
Actually, Larry Craig has the liberal penis. Conservatives of Sanford's ilk do it because they're afraid not only of their mortality but that inability to relate to women on any level.
Mark Sanford is the husband of the heir to the Skil Tools fortune. He's bought and paid for by his wife, period. Mark Sanford is a kept boy who got caught getting a cookie out of the cookie jar. That's not a liberal penis, that's called a douche bag.
And, for the record, he should NOT resign as a result of this disclosure. That being said, he should be impeached for dereliction of duty as an elected Governor. If he chooses to resign under that pretense, I would deem it appropriate.
14 - Silas Kain
Baronius: A junior senator from a state with 5 electoral votes who lost at least 8 Senate seats wasn't about to win the GOP presidential nomination.
There was no way Sanford would emerge as the nominee in 2012. There's a GOP leader out there who can turn this party around -- problem is they haven't figured out which sacrificial lamb they're going to offer up against Barack Obama.
15 - Cindy
I don't really care who any of them sleep with. But they can all resign. That'll make me happy.
16 - Silas Kain
Indeed, Cindy. As far a I am concerned, every incumbent in Congress needs to go home, period. It's time for a changing of the guard in Washington. Let the Iranians have their own changing of the guard. It's time for us to accomplish the same in our own back yard.
And as far as white trash like Ensign and Sanford, who cares? I'm glad to see that they may display evidence of having prolific genitalia. I mean, I knew they had balls bigger than Jupiter, but these latest disclosures paint a very interesting portrait.
17 - Mongo
OMG republicans are finally making the move for the sexy title
18 - roger nowosielski
There are exceptions to every rule, even adultery.
Sex shenanigans are not necessarily disqualification from office
19 - Jeannie Danna
Jon, This is a great article and I don't care who thinks it's not satire because...It's the truth!
For the last thirty years we have been told that only the Republicans/Conservatives Really posses family values...HA!
Let's look again at the loving and true relationship between President Obama and First lady Michelle OBama; now here is a man and woman that know what family values really are! and they still do it!!!! in the White House, not in some hidden hotel or public bathroom!
Hmmm, humble pie doesn't taste so good, does it?
20 - roger nowosielski
They do what, Jeannie?
21 - Silas Kain
You know, Jeannie, I have to admit that I take some guilty pleasure in knowing it frosts the cupcakes of many a Religicant (religious Republicans who are so oppressed that their genitalia have atrophied) that the Obamas "do it". And you know what? Who cares?
Roger: Sex shenanigans are not necessarily disqualification from office
I agree. I just finished watching Gov Sanford's contrite statement while meeting with his cabinet and it all rings hollow. Sack cloth and ashes are theatrical but disingenuous. As stated previously, Mark Sanford was a kept man, bought and paid for by his wife. How he violated his fiduciary marriage arrangement is not the issue here. How the Governor shirked his responsibility to South Carolinians is something that demands accountability.
Mongo: OMG republicans are finally making the move for the sexy title
Ah, come on! There are plenty of 'sexy' Republicans. Sanford is kind of cute. Ensign is definitely handsome. Todd Palin is hot. I mean, let's face it. Todd Palin or Barney Frank?
22 - Dave Nalle
Silas, Sanford was the best hope for the GOP to take a rational position on issues like gay marriage and ending the drug war. I would have thought such things appealed to you.
Jeannie, family values are irrelevant to anything meaningful in politics. They are just a sop to the ignorant and irrational. Both parties are entirely hypocritical when they try to run on them, yet both do.
Dave
23 - Baronius
Does anyone really think that the Obamas' sex life bothers Republicans? I can understand attacking straw men to bolster your argument, but that one is just preposterous. I mean, think about it. A husband and wife having sex. Where's the discomfort supposed to come from?
24 - zingzing
chafing?
25 - Silas Kain
Well, Baronius -- Dwight & Mamie. In the White House. I'm uncomfortable.
Dave, with regard to Sanford it doesn't matter. There are many moderate Republicans out there who appeal to me with their rational approach. Right now issues like gay marriage are on the back burner for me. The Far Right loves to use this wedge issue to take attention off of those issues which matter most. In my view it's time for practical politics and select those battles which matter most. In order for one to rise to the throne of the GOP, they have to morph.
Case in point is Mitt Romney. When he was running for Governor he was slightly right of center. But once he became Governor, he was focused on one thing: the White House. He served one term as Governor of Massachusetts and I assure you his Lieutenant Governor was in charge of the state more often than not because Mitt ways busy being papabile.
All of a sudden the "rational" Mitt Romney which appealed to Massachusetts voters disappeared. Mitt Romney was the new Brigham Young. He's played his cards brilliantly. He's got his fingers in every sector of the economy by virtue of his business holdings and dealings; and quietly traverses the continent in his quest for the White House.
He'll gradually bring them on like herds of sheep to the slaughter. By 2012, there will be a "reinvigorated" GOP, all united under the Romney banner. Let's face it, he's the most attractive. He's the most articulate. He's the only potential Republican candidate who could actually look intelligent in a debate with Barack Obama.
In order for Mitt Romney to secure the GOP nomination he must secure the Far Right and his Mormon machinery. Money buys votes, Dave. The pundits are convinced of an Obama victory in 2012. I, on the other hand, am convinced that Mitt Romney will be inaugurated on January 20, 2013. Next year's elections will be the key political barometric indicator and only a dramatic revolution in our political system will prevent Romney from being #45.