Satire: Todd Akin Cries Out, "Oh No, I'm Not Pregnant!"

Missouri Senate candidate and member of the House Committee on Science, Space and Technology Todd Akin confessed to a startling reversal of his otherwise Pro-Life beliefs in the middle of a speech on the House floor, only to later attempt to take advantage of what he called his constitutional right to a sound medical procedure. "There are not enough heartless doctors being graduated from medical schools. There is a real shortage of abortionists. They're performing abortions on women who aren't even pregnant."

Confused by his own rhetoric, Akin became agitated and tearfully concluded, "Oh no, I'm not pregnant, either!" and quickly exited the floor. He was followed by reporters to the Potomac Family Planning Center. Even though members of the media were not allowed in, it was clear other male members of Congress shared in Akin's fear of the condition of not being pregnant as the line of men outside the center grew over the course of the day.

An hour later, a visibly shaken Akin emerged from the clinic doors and provided a few brief, but emotional comments about his experience. He said he was forced to sit in a cold room in a backless gown along with several other male patients to watch a four-minute Power Point Presentation graphically detailing the inner workings of man and why it is impossible for an abortion to be performed on men and those women who are not pregnant. "The images were just too much," he said. "So much stuff in the human body, so much science. I just couldn't look - and I have the right not to look! But I could still hear it all. It was so confusing. And it wasn't just me. Some of the other guys broke down and cried. We all just wanted to get through this, you know?"

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Article Author: Diana Hartman

Diana Hartman is a (ret.) USMC spouse, mother of three in college and a Wichita, Kansas native. She is a contributing writer to Holiday Writes and can be found on Twitter.

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