Satire: The Schrodinger Presidency

I passed up an invitation to go quail hunting this weekend with Dick Cheney to attend “A Showcase for Intelligent Design” , a conference for right-minded scientists. I do think the Vice-President gets a bad rap from time to time and now that he’s the first Vice-President to shoot someone since Aaron Burr I imagine there'll be come comment about the 18 hour delay in reporting the story and the way that might coincide with letting alcohol pass out of the Vice-President's system.

If you read the story, you may wonder why a group of men in their seventies were wandering around with shotguns, full emergency medical crew at the ready, hunting that most predatory of all game birds, the quail. My image of men in their seventies used to be a bunch of guys playing shuffleboard and gin rummy in Miami. This is where my ties to the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy (VRWC) come in handy. The Vice President wasn’t really hunting. Ever the patriot, he was personally field testing combat conditions for a proposed senior division of the National Guard.

If the US wants to maintain the necessary military presence in the Middle East, it may have to raise the recruitment age limit. When he was younger, the Vice-Presisdent lost his chance to serve because he was a serious student and thus was forced to seek deferments. Since his daughter has already “told” before she was asked, he remains the one member of the Cheney family who might serve the noble cause of protecting us in Iraq. While he didn’t exactly shoot a terrorist in this field exercise, he did manage to hit the next best thing, a lawyer. Talk about tort reform!

Just because I missed the excitement of seeing the Vice-President shoot someone doesn’t mean that I didn’t have an interesting weekend. The First Annual Intelligent Designers’ Showcase had plenty of fascinating displays. While I mainly want to tell you about the particle physics breakout section, I do want to mention the two page pamphlet they were passing out on Intelligent Design. Can you believe that someone was able to fit all of the scientific basis for intelligent design onto a two page pamphlet in twenty four point type complete with pictures, graphs, and a list of seventy five sponsors? Second, I attended a seminar called “Global Warming Phooey” sponsored by a dozen of the most prominent energy companies in America. There was “Why Tobacco does not Cause Cancer” presented by a group of scientists who had spent their entire lives working for cigarette companies. Who would know better than these folk?

Article Author: Chancelucky

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