This is not an easy article for me to write. Few Americans are as aware as I of the extraordinary contributions Vice President Richard N. Cheney has made to this country, the personal and professional sacrifices — of himself and others — without a moment's hesitation. The long hour away from family and friends, all to make this country something he and he alone could be proud of.
When Dick — I'll always think of him as a Dick — and I last met, it was at the Cosmos Club in Washington, a place where only the elite are allowed to meet. We sat in front of a roaring fire, sipping Hennesey Pierre Richard and smoking...well, yes, Cuban cigars.
"Dick," I finally said. "How can you bear it?"
He smiled that Dick Cheney smile at me. "It's for my country. Only for my country."
I admit it, I'm man enough. I was overcome and choked up. When the waiter Heimliched the olive out of my throat, I was able to speak again.
"What are you doing, putting an olive in the world's finest cognac?" I demanded.
"Nghsr ptmnsq rwtbxvc," said the waiter.
Dick, fluent in Lithuanian, translated, "He said a thousand pardons, son of a camel's hump."
"Is that good?" I asked.
"You're not going to get anything better out of a Lithuanian," he said.
But back to our story.
In the next issue of Time Magazine (Motto: No Matter How Pathetic We Are, We're Still Better than Newsweek,) you will read an interview with our Vice President. I for one, find myself in the category of so many Americans who've gone before me, in saying, "Climb down, asshole, you're blowing the whole megillah."
Time: Mr. Vice President, if you had to take back any one thing you'd said about Iraq, what would it be?
Cheney: I expressed the sentiment some time ago that I thought we were over the hump in terms of violence. I think that was premature. I thought the elections would have created that environment. And it hasn't happened yet.
Article comments
1 - gonzo marx
ah Mark me boyo...
sure'n now, a foine Read on a drizzly day
yer a'remindin' me o' the frenchman's Colber' Repor'
and that last sentance put me over my daily apostrophe count
/golfclap
Excelsior?
2 - Peter J
Pretty good Mark,
I guess I'll hold on to my opinion on "Dick"
(God , is that an appropriate name or what, although I think c**ksucker is more suitable) oop's, my dic,, I mean my opinion slipped out of my hands. Too many words always confuse me. In the words of the in-famous Maxwell Smart,"Sorry about that, Chief".
3 - Matthew T. Sussman
Help me pronounce this before I read it.
ReaganIFication? ReaGANfication? ReAgAnIfIcAtIoN?
4 - Mark Schannon
Thanks guys. Surprisingly few comments. I guess people think I'm write. Suss, i think it's the first one...what do I know.
In Jameson Veritas
5 - Jet in Columbus
To paraphrase the Soprano's, George Bush has his head so far up Cheney's ass he can taste Brylcreme.
6 - Mark Schannon
Oh yuk, Jet. Thanks for the image. Now I think I'll go barf.
In Jameson Veritas