After our duck hunting trip with Dick Cheney, I hadn’t heard from Karl so my work for the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy (VWRC) had to take a backseat to writing reviews of American Idol. It hasn’t been a good couple months for Karl. The president’s approval rating dropped into the twenties, better than the Teletubbies but considerably lower than Jared from the Subway. Karl lost the policy part of his job. There’s also talk that Patrick Fitzgerald will finally indict him once the truth outs him. I thought I’d cheer him up, but even my little joke didn’t help.
KR: What the %&#$&!& ! CL, you can’t wear that in here.Karl throws me into a closet in his pumpkin colored office. Not a lot of people know this, but lots of administrations staffers have closets in their offices. David Dreier got the funding for them at the urging of Ken Mehlman.
CL: Karl, you told me you wanted some help with leaks so I came dressed as a White House plumber. And what the heck are you doing in bicycle shorts?
To be honest, if I live another forty years, I’d rather not see Karl Rove in bicycle shorts again.
KR: Since he hit the 30’s, all the President wants to do is go mountain biking at Camp David. I’m not sure what he’s putting in his water bottles these days, but he says let’s go for another ride in the park and never takes a road map. The ride never goes as planned, because there was no plan, no water, no spare tubes, no GPS, no understanding of the terrain, he turns an afternoon ride into a weekend of terror and the whole time he’s shouting, “I’m the Decider. I’m the *%$(% Decider. I say we go this way.”
CL: No wonder he says that his best moment as president was catching the biggest perch ever caught in North America. Hey, I love mountain biking, maybe...
KR: Trust me, CL. You don’t want to have the president run over you and then have to apologize to him. Anyway, now he’s telling us he wants to go for another ride in the park in Iran. Duck hunting with the vice president is more fun.CL: Has anyone seen Mister Heartbeat Away lately?
KR: He locks himself in his office sings his own lyrics to old Beach Boys albums on his mp3 player while shredding all his Joe Wilson notes. Last week it was:
Bomb bomb ba bomb,Yesterday it was:
Bomb Tehran.
Bomb Iran ooh ooh
Bomb Tehran…..
Venezuelan oil is richCL: Whoo, glad he’s too old for next year’s American Idol audition. Soul Patrol, Soul Patrol.
It’s just a coup away.
Gulf State regimes with that light clear Crude
I wish we could invade them all
But hate those IEDs
I can’t wait to go way up north
Before the Arctic refuge melts.
Wish they all could be Halliburton Drills.
Wish the all could be Halliburton Drills.
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