Satire: The Current Iranian Regime Up For Sale On eBay! - Page 3

Q. But the Shah isn't part of the current regime! Why is his picture on the certificate?

A. Just a soft spot for the old corrupt monarchy times! Plus, you just don't see bling like that on US military uniforms anymore...

Q. Do I actually get some physical proof of ownership? This sounds sketchy...

A. But of course! You receive a certificate of ownership, hastily built with MS PowerPoint, to include snazzy graphics of the religious city of Qom, the former Shah, and Pres. Ahmedinejad's smiling face offset by the Ayatollah Khomeini's dour countenance (not to be confused with the Ayatollah Khamenei, who should've died years ago but still clings to power), notarized by yours truly--in Persian Farsi, no less. As an added touch I'll even print it in color!

Q. New certificate? But what happened to the original one your grandfather owned?

A. That wrinkled old document? I sent it to Salman Rushdie following the death sentence Ayatollah Khomeini handed down for supposedly slandering Islam in his book The Satanic Verses. I figured Salman needed a little pick-me-up at that point.

Q. Why in the world would someone want to own such a two-bit, theo-loco regime?

A. Good question! To truly appreciate this investment vehicle you need to look past the boardroom to the rank and file employees. Iran gets beat up for her aggressive foreign policy stance and weird little quirk of basing their entire corporate foundation on the destruction of Israel, and rightfully so. But take that away, and you actually have the most vibrant Democracy in the Middle East.

That's right: Democracy. People vote in greater numbers than the US. Women vote, and hold office. Aside from thumbing their nose at the US, the congress (Majlis) actually formulates routine policy and makes things happen. When Pres. Rafsanjani and Khatami finished their respective terms, they didn't stage a coup--they returned to private life (although Rafsanjani still has his fingers in the pot in Tom Delay-esque style. The difference is he's still respected). Overall the simple fact Iran is a theocracy isn’t bad in itself; they just need to head more towards the middle politically and hire a better PR firm.

Article Author: Jim Fielder

Jim Fielder is a USAF Middle East Foreign Area Officer and is assigned as an instructor of Political Science at the US Air Force Academy. He holds degrees in History and National Security Studies and has held numerous enlisted and commissioned military …

Visit Jim Fielder's author page — Jim Fielder's Blog