(The following information was found in Washington D.C. by unknown people and distributed to various other unknown people on the Internet. Given the location where it was found, its provenance is obviously good even if it has no basis in fact or bearing on reality.
It appears to be the transcription of a secret meeting of the National Security Council, with people obviously aware they were being recorded because of their use of code names. We can only guess at the identities of some of those involved, but it seems fair to assume that "Sure Shot" (S.S) refers to Vice President Cheney, Red Hot Momma, (R.H.M.) to Secretary Rice, and Top Hat (T.H.) to President Bush. We have no clue as to the others involved, but since their contributions are usually ignored and largely insignificant, they don't really matter.
Below is a faithful reproduction of the transcript, just as I received it. I'm telling the truth, so you can believe me.)
S.S.: Gentlemen, we need to (sound of a throat being cleared), oh sorry, and lady…geez I just can't help thinking of you as one of the boys. (Sound of general laughter gradually trails off into embarrassed silence.) Well, ahem, anyway, as I was starting to say, we need to take a serious look at the situation in Iraq and the whole government issue. The stalemate over their parliament is just not ending.
T.H.: Geez Dick…what…Oh yeah, sorry. Sure Shot, I thought you said your people we're handling this. You and Rumsfeld…what, oh crap he ain't here; what does it matter if I call him by name, we’re supposed to have calmed the rag heads down by now. How am I going to be able to invade Iran if we can't get these dummies to behave? You told me to say the war was over so that I could start a new one. I want a new war to wage Dick. This one's boring…What? Oh, damn, Sure Shot.
S.S.: Well, Top Hat, we all admire your enthusiasm and your eagerness to continue the agenda (murmurs of agreement), but sometimes you can't expect the unexpected.
T.H.: Well thanks for stating the fucking obvious, Sure Shot, you can't expect the unexpected. I'm not the press; can you please talk something close to English when you talk to me? Goddamn it, I need some bourbon. Is this going to take a while? The Rangers are playing and I'd like to catch a couple of innings. Hey Connie, can we get the Secret Service boys to tune in the Ranger's game on their earpieces? One of you boys can give me the score as we go, okay… thanks. Oh all right Dick, just keep your shirt on (sound of bottle and glass being placed on table). Oh hey thanks, I guess I can cope with what you got to say now. (Sound of liquid being poured.) Go on now, you look you might hurt yourself if you keep frowning like that. Don't know if I can round up yet another heart for you so soon.
Article comments
1 - Dave Nalle
Your 'satire' paints a strangely positive portrait of President Bush. I'm at a loss.
Dave
2 - Nancy
Could it be sarcasm?
3 - Richard Marcus
You know as I was writing it, I realized that the portrait I was painting of George wasn't unsympathetic. I don't have a problem with that, he isn't evil incarnate, he's just stupid. I think he should have sayed running the Texas Rangers and kicking back with a bottle of Bourban and the whole world would have been a lot happier.
The truely dangerous people in Washington are Dick Chenny and a bunch of others who Chenny brought with him.
Of course having George suggest partition as a solution to anything, is also indicitive of someone who completly ignores the lessons of history when making decisions. Look at the success rate of courtries who have had partition imposed on them for dealing with inter faith problems, and you can see how bad an idea that really is.
The aim of the piece was to a)comment on how unprepared the Administration was to deal with "post war" Iraq, and b)their williness to repeat the mistakes of history, without realizing the consequences.
George is an easy target, so I figure the subtle approach was better, just play up his country buffon aspects and leave him in there with the sharks.
So you're both right.
cheers
Richard Marcus
4 - Dave Nalle
But that's just it, Richard. Your portrayal of Bush doesn't make him sound stupid. It makes him sound lazy, but sort of clever and using the country buffoon personna to manipulate the professional politicians. I suspect your satire is actually a lot closer to the truth than you realize. And of course the partition idea might just be a good, viable solution to the Iraq problem.
Dave
5 - Richard Marcus
Well now that is a conumdrum isn't it? Well that's the good thing about fiction, it can be interpreted in so many ways. I guess in my eyes the portrayel was negative, becuase of his preocupations, but you are right I did make it look like he was manipulating the manipulators...which in some ways I guess is alright because they frighten me far more than he does. If he did nothing but sit back and watch baseball as preisident we'd all feel more comfortable, as long as he got rid of the psycohos around him.
I still think Geral Ford was the best modern president. He did abosolutly nothing except come across like a friednly guy who was very human and a lousy golfer. His advisors were harmless so America was able to heal after the divisons of Nixon.
Utah Phillips once said that the country is safer when the President does nothing, its when he starts having ideas we're all in danger.
Sorry I'm wandering away from my point, if I had one, I might be stalling. I think what it comes down to is what your opinion of partition is, it's never worked very well in the past, it usually ends up in massive ethnic strife and border wars. The only time that I know of it working was when a country was able to decide on it's own to split. The Slovaks and the Cszechs dividing into their separate states worked so far.
Any partitions that have been imposed by an outside power have been doomed to incessent violence.
Do you really think that Turkey is going to allow an independant Kurdish State on their border? Is the first flaw in partition that springs to mind. Will Iran and the other Shites allow the minority Sunni to survive? How do you deal with the displacement of thousands of peoples from one area to the other? Do you really want to uproot familes who have lived in the same part of the country for hundreds of year just because their religion no longer makes it allowable for them to live there.
That's why I don't think partition will work and is the solution of someone who (no offence meant to you) who is looking for an easy answer to a question that doesn't have one. It's been like this administration's policies on everything, in my opinion, simplistic without thinking of the long term effects...
Anyway that's my defence and I'm sticking to it, he may be likeable but he's an idiot...
cheers
Richard