SCENE 1:
[Senator George Allen (R-VA) is playing in his weekly poker game. Also present are Senator Conrad Burns (R-MT), Senator Sam Brownback (R-KS), Senator Ted Stevens (R-AK), Senator Jim Bunning (R-KY), and Senator Tom Coburn (R-OK).]
SEN. BROWNBACK: So what’re you going to do George? You gonna run?
SEN. ALLEN: Damn right I’m gonna run. This “macaca” thing is bullshit. It’s a media creation that’ll blow over. I don’t even know what “macaca” means. I thought it was the guy’s name. That’s what my staffers were calling him. Jesus, it’s not like I called him “dot head.” Then I could see it. I’d never do that in public. Plain and simple, they are out to get me.
SEN. BUNNING: Oh I heard this great Indian joke. What do you call a 7-11 with…
SEN. STEVENS: You told that one five minutes ago, Jim …
SEN. BUNNING: Sorry.
SEN. STEVENS: Who’s out to get you, the media?
SEN. ALLEN: Well it starts with the media. Most of them are liberal Jews from New York… at least the ones who control everything including Hollywood. They hate the real America and American values. They despise southern Christians most of all. They see me as the embodiment and defender of those things and they want to turn the country into a secular humanist playground where God is banned from the public schools and gay marriage is legal. And most of all they want to open up the borders and let in the entire third world.
SEN. BURNS: We had this little Jewish fellah in my platoon during the war...
SEN BROWNBACK: I agree with you, George. Just let this thing blow over, you’ve still got plenty of support within the party.
SEN. ALLEN: Thanks, Sam. I know I can count on you guys.
SCENE 2:
[The master bedroom at the Allen house. Present are Sen. and Mrs. George Allen.
The two are in their pajamas, lying in bed, and reading.]
MRS. ALLEN: So how was your card game?
SEN. ALLEN: I won twenty bucks. By the way, I think Jim Bunning may have Alzheimers.
Article comments
1 - Avrum Lefkowitz
I loved the first couple of parts, very funny. The last part was required, and well written, but a little more schtick would have been fun, too.
2 - The Fifth Dentist
Thanks Avrum.
3 - Lee Richards
Great job, entertaining and insightful. Unfortunately, George Allen has never shown the slightest interest in honest, enlightened self-awareness. He has always seemed to relish being a cunning, opinionated, domineering and mean-spirited tough guy.
4 - Ruvy in Jerusalem
I wanted to like this, Fifth Dentist. It's well written, funny and gets its point across, though more shtick could have been used at the end, as Avrum pointed out.
But I didn't, and I really can't explain why. Particularly because I do not have either a beard or payess, and would not be caught with either.
I'm sorry.
5 - The Fifth Dentist
Ruvy--
Sorry you didn't like it. They can't all be winners.
Anyway, in my opinion George Allen really points out the backwardassedness of halacha. That guy is about as jewish as a ham sandwich on wonderbread with mayo, lettuce and tomato. Surely he'd do anything he could to cover up or undo his mother's jewish ancestry. (And she's from one of the most illustrious nazi-fighting sephardic families there is. They should be ashamed to know him.) Yet the orthordox recognize this prick as a jew while they deny jewishness both to someone with a jewish father who was raised as a jew or someone having undergone a conservative or reform conversion. It's unbelievable to me. Now, I'm sure you'd defend it on the grounds that that's what the torah says. But it doesn't change my opinion that it's ridiculous.
6 - Ruvy in Jerusalem
Fifth Dentist,
Don't assume that I would defend what all orthodox rabbis say or do. One of my friends, a descendant of Spanish kings, converted to Judaism through the conservative movement. He is much more learned than I am, and I have no compunction at all about asking him questions about Halacha. I wanted him to have an "aliyah" (to be called up to bless the Torah) at one of my son's bar mitzvah. He backed out, so as not to embarrass the orthodox synagogue where my son chanted the Haftarah. But on his ID, it says "Jew" under nationality. The state recognizes him even if a lot of rabbis won't. And I will not question his Judaism either.
My opinion is this: if the man is practicing the faith, and is learning the law, and continues to do both, it is of little relevance whether his conversion was through a reform rabbi or a conservative one. Some day I believe that this view will be the dominant one here - when Jews finally stop looking at the "pedigree of the degree" and look at what the person is.
7 - The Fifth Dentist
Ruvy--
I agree with your view 100%.
8 - Jet In Columbus
Congrats on BlogCritic of the day!
On our private forum Anna asked what happened to dentists 1 through 4
I took the liberty of replying that rumor has it they went on a hunting trip with the vice president...
BANG!!!!
Jet
9 - Jet In Columbus
I didn't have the heart to tell her it was, as opposed to the quart dentist or the gallon dentist.......
10 - The Fifth Dentist
That's funny. Does anyone know how they pick the BCotD. My impression was it's random. Anyway, do I get some kind of cash award?
11 - Observer
Wow - you really scored here. It's a pig's-wallow of hatred, bigotry, prejudice and, needless to say, closed-minded, parochial, gross ignorance.
First I figured this was just a post by and for anti-Christian bigots. Then I read the comments - surprise! It's a bunch of assimilated Jews whose apparent core identity is defined in equal measure by their fear and loathing of committed Jews and Christians. True equal opportunity haters. (I'm so relieved to see the policy against personal attacks - it's really kept the previous discourse at an elevated level.)
No wonder you're all disappearing. What positive message are you offering your kids about Judaism, G-d, humanity or religion?
Doesn't really matter, face the facts - your grandchildren are going to be one or the other - an Orthodox Jew or a Christian.
Oh, in case the G-d thing wasn't enough of a clue: I am one of those benighted cavemen you revile so much, you know, an Orthodox Jew.
But at least I'm not a dinosaur like you guys.