Was it really only on July 24 that I wrote that heart-rendering piece about Willie Nelson, Bo Derek, Ken Wahl, Jennifer Pryor, his family, and the most fabulous looking aliens ever to swoop down upon an unsuspecting Hugh Hefner, The Bodacious Barbi Twins? Willie et al. were heading to Congress to get some bill passed that would make it illegal to send horses overseas where people eat them.
To quote my own article, working with the Society for Animal Protective Legislation, Nelson is urging all Americans to call their members of Congress to let them know Americans won't tolerate the inhumane treatment of horses. Says Nelson, "It's like stepping on the American flag."
So, Willie, let me get this straight. Eat a horse = step on the flag. I wonder how far we can take this?
Eat a flag = throw up the horse. Makes sense. Throw up the horse = provide food for pigs. Making less sense.
Let's try again. Eating a horse is like stepping on the flag, and we all know that true Americans want a constitutional ban on flag stepping, burning, tearing, or other forms of mutilation not already allowed by law. So. Eat a horse = violate a constitutional amendment. Holy Horse Hair, Batman! This could get serious.
But I jest (Willie probably packs a big, big gun.) And it's almost irrelevant because the House today courageously ignored the trivial issues America faces to throw its full weight behind the bill. The hell with illegal immigation, down with military trials for bad guys that the Supreme Court already said were illegal, who needs health care... when there be horses to be saved?
According to a late Reuter's story, "Moved by appeals to protect the noble horse, the U.S. House (of Representatives) voted on Thursday to ban the slaughter of horses for food, potentially saving 90,000 animals a year from being served as a delicacy to diners overseas."
Article comments
1 - RJ Elliott
This is so cruel.
Everytime I cook up a horse steak from now on, I'll see Willie Nelson's face, and then lose my appetite. And then I'll think of the Barbi Twins, and go out searching for unprotected sex with hot incestuous alien sluts, yet go home unsatisfied.
It's just so unfair...
2 - Mark Schannon
Sorry, RJ, but someone has to tell you the truth. You be one sick puppy. You want to make it with the Barbi Twins??? What if they impregnate you? What'll you tell your...mother? wife? father? sister?
Be careful. Be very careful.
In Jameson Veritas.
3 - Matthew T. Sussman
If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college.
4 - Mark Schannon
Uh, Suss, how did the horse help you through college. Like, doing your homework? sitting in on classes? Dating women?
You are sooooo weird.
In Decaf Veritas
5 - Nancy
Typical of this goddamned congress: fiddling with horses while Rome burns.
6 - Sia
The issue was horses. My sister, Mark and myself are lifelong equestrians. It was decidely not for cheap publicity. I do thank you for the bodacious comment, though I do not understand the Alien bit or the hurtfull accusations of incest. xoxo Sia