Satire: Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: The Blogger of Doom

First there was Godless communism, but the commies have found God...or at least some of them.

Then there was the scourge of the Western world upon the purity of Islam. Our impurities could not be allowed to sully the purity of the one true religion.  But lo and behold, the president of Iran has started his own blog. I have it from informed sources inside the Palace of Nefertiti, which is his headquarters, that Ahmadinejad has also signed up on MySpace and has posted pictures of him playing with his dogs and children. The dogs are Pit Bull Terriers. The children look like the mailman, but that's just a rumor.

There's an English version of the blog as well as one in Farsical...check that, Farsi, French, and some other language. But having conducted a careful check of the translation from Farsi to English, there are some differences that should cast fear into the heart of every non-Muslim.

For example, the English translation of one part of his seemingly endless blog is a heart-rending tale of his early life growing up in a poor village with no shoes, having to walk ten miles through the snow, even in July, to get to school.  But, what he really says is, "We must turn the west into a series of poor villages where children have no feet and must crawl through mountains of snow to go to Mosques specially designed for the infidels."

Later, the English version written by scurrilous knaves, is, "we, the people of Islam, are a peace-loving people who abhor violence and only seek to live in harmony with our neighbors regardless of their race, creed, or religion.  We will defend outselves, but we will never be the aggressors.  Allah forbids it."

Sure, Mahmoud.  This one's a little tougher because it's in code, but what he really says in Farsi is, "We, the people of Islam, seek only violence against peace-loving people.  We must be the aggressors against all with a different race, creed, or religion.  Allah wills it."

The scariest part comes near the end of his 2000 word screed against all things Western.  Their so-called English translation claims this is a bit of his autobiography, telling the story of the time his family was ravaged by the Shah and his henchmen while CIA agents stood around singing Christmas carols and making them eat Matzoh without even a little butter or salt.  It was the turning point in his life, according to the translation, bringing him to a higher spiritual plane where he learned to forgive and even love his enemies. 

Article Author: Mark Schannon

Crisis/risk/issues management and communications and PR consultant, free-lance writer, aspiring pundit and author. Blogcritics.org asst. ed, politics. Wanted to set world on fire, but bride won't let me play with matches, so I'm counting on upcoming, …

Visit Mark Schannon's author page — Mark Schannon's Blog